My daughter is very petite and smallest in her classes. This friend of mine that has a daughter the same age likes to hit, alot, and I used to just have her come tell me but now I allow her to hit back once and then come tell me. She did for a while but the other little girl kept hitting her back (shes pretty big for her age too). After that, my daughter says she doesnt want to hit back because its not nice and the girl is her friend.
Well in this situation, maybe it is best if she walks away and tells someone? Im worried about her being bullied in school and if that happens I want her to have a plan BUT like I said shes smaller than the other kids (I was too all throughout school years) so I worry if she hits back she may get hurt badly..
2007-11-03 03:46:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ok, well you know I happen to be a first time mom and its difficult especially when youre basically parenting ALONE and disciplining ALONE, so give a new mom room for questions. I would not say that my advise has been wrong, so you've stated your opinion ;)
the reason my daughter said she doesnt want to hit her friend is because i have told her this in the past, you dont hurt your friends, etc. so she is saying this because its what shes been TAUGHT IN THE PAST. HOWEVER, I should have been teaching her to stand up for herself. Thats not working any more, we can be in the same room with the girls and this little girl keeps hitting her so either they stop being friends (they have a love hate relationship friends since babies) or she has to defend herself.
Thanks for your advise guys, Im going to have her hit back ONE time and immediately come tell me what happened. Then we'll go from there, if this girl doesnt stop it (she is spanked many times throughout the day and gently) nomore
2007-11-03 05:01:11 · update #1
First of all if a fight can be avoided by all means have her walk away. But, having a child tell on another will only get her beat up some more and not hitting back will make her a easy target for other kids to pick on. the best thing to do is have her fight back if(in my opinion) she cant fight back now it will only get worse on later in life. I would have her stand up for herself because if she cant who will. but if she is just unwilling to fight it might be best for the two kids not to play anymore.
2007-11-03 04:07:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jeffery L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not teach her to hit back. She may be small, but that does not mean that she should stoop to the hitter's level by whacking them back. I think I would go with "You are not allowed to hit me" as a response for her to use. And then have her walk away. If the hitter does not respond to her moving out of the area, then I would tell her to find someone to tell (because you don't to make her an object of bullying by having her 'tattle' every time someone does anything to her). I would teach her that when she stands up for herself, bullies often back down and all she might need to do it remove herself from that situation. I am sure that if she starts hitting, it will quickly get out of control and you may have fights on your hands to deal with (in school, I mean).
As far as the friend, I would talk to the kid or her Mom and let her know that it is not okay to hit people, no matter what. I would leave size out of it, and just say that hitting is mean and she needs to stop hitting your daughter or they will not be allowed to play together anymore.
2007-11-03 10:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by Jules, E, and Liam :) 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
All children to need to have a sense of being able to protect themselves. An adult is not always going to be around. I taught my son that if someone hits him first, than he can finish it. But, not to hit back unless he knows he can finish it. My parents always told me that you can usually stop it by talking them down. Witty statements usually help, but not with a bully. I would tell your little girl to tell her friend that she doesn't like being hit on, that it's wrong, and if she can't be her friend without hitting, maybe they shouldn't be friends anymore. Your daughter is going to object to this because she wants to be her friend. Just tell her that she can say this just to see what happens. If it works, great, she still has her friend. If it doesn't, she'll have to come up with a different way to make her stop.
Good luck.
2007-11-03 10:55:55 · answer #3 · answered by cotoncandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a few options....
1. do nothing
2. Enroll her in a self defense class
3. just have her continue telling (although that means she becomes the tattler)
My 3 daughters are all small and when they went to school they made friends and for the most part none of them have had any problems with bullies. They have had tiffs with other kids and gotten hurt but we talk about it at home, they know that hitting is wrong and hitting back is sinking to the level of the bully.
As for your friends daughter....you need to talk to you friend about this childs behavior and if she cant play nice there will be no more play dates.
2007-11-03 10:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Scrappers 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt hang around with that friend any more.. or make sure the kids are playing in the same room so you can act immediately..
that kid learned to hit from somewhere - is her mom abusive? is her mom being abused?
that girl IS NOT her friend.. friends do not hit!
girls bully in other ways than hitting - its mostly mental with them.. hitting is nothing compared to the nasty mental games girls play on each other... a small kid with a strong self esteme will not be bullied - a shy kid will.
talk to the parent of the girl and ask about it.. or she how mom reacts if she sees her daughter hitting yours.. if she does nothing YOU must react..
I dont know how old these kids are.. I am picturing young kids.. they shouldnt be playing without supervison anyhow...
2007-11-03 11:29:21 · answer #5 · answered by MandB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER ENCOURAGE A CHILD TO HIT.I have a four year old and hitting isn't the answer to anything.It actually makes things worse.I ve told my daughter that in any situation where another child hits her (or anyone for that matter) to try to explain to the child that its not nice to hit and that isn't something friends do to eachother and if the child doesn't listen to her wishes then tell a responsible adult (ie-teacher,me,her father) etc...)
2007-11-03 11:31:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friend and tell her that her daughter is hitting on your little girl and that is not a good example. Ask your friend to have a talk with her daughter and maybe you 2 should sit down with bothgirls at hte same time and talk it out.
2007-11-03 10:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by Jen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're encouraging your daughter to hit others? At some point that IS going to get her into trouble and you won't be there to stop it. Just because she's small doesn't automatically mean she's going to get bullied later on in school.
2007-11-03 10:58:09 · answer #8 · answered by N and A's Momma 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you encourage your child to hit another? The only time a child should resort to something physical is to defend another person if no one else is there to help. But getting an adult or someone else to help is always best.
I was always the smallest, and I was always beat up in school, and I never hit back. I wasnt allowed to.
Theres no reason for one child to hit another, and no reason a parent should ever even consider encouraging it.
2007-11-03 10:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
or hurt some one else, hitting is not something i want my children to do, walk away and tell, why should she be bullied? and bullies need to be removed so that can only happen if the teachers are aware, tell tell tell, a little girl cat fight is an awful thought
2007-11-03 10:58:41 · answer #10 · answered by melissa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋