Both of our families know were going to have a renewal of vows. Were keeping the details private. My hubby's family wants us to do it in his home church, so that his WHOLE family can be there. They know I'm NOT a Christian, so why bother? How do we politely tell them, this is a private event, without being rude? Suggestions would be helpful.
2007-11-03 03:29:19 · 17 answers · asked by dietitian4u 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Jerry M, I wasan't shooting off my mouth. It was mentioned in passing a while ago. We just didn't really start to think about the details until recently. And I really don't appreciate you being rude! TYVM!
2007-11-03 03:46:18 · update #1
I forgot a couple of details.no one from my side of the family is coming. I've already told them it's a private event, and they all understand 100%.
2007-11-03 06:03:58 · update #2
LOL Tiff, I was born and raised in the united states. So I don't know why you brought up the subject of citizenship. It was NOT me who opened my lips it was my husband. So it's still going to be a private thing honey.
2007-11-03 07:19:24 · update #3
I'm in the same situation but for the wedding.
Unfortunately anything you say will sound rude no matter what.
And not telling them till after is rude as well, but as far a hassles go this will definately be the easier option as they can't put pressure on you as it has already happened.
This is what we plan to do. And after all they are family, they will forgive you.
2007-11-03 05:23:48 · answer #1 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It seems like vow renewal is just as tricky as a wedding because people are bound to have their toes stepped on if they don't realize that this is something you want and you'd like it a certain way. I think they will probably be upset if you decide to do it as a private event. Do it the way you want it. You didn't mention your family... are they going to be there too? I guess the best you can do is be fair with both sides of the family and set up your own guidelines. You'll just have to tell them that you want to keep this as a private event. Besides, saying your vows doesn't require a group of people there. You really only care that one person shows up right? If this is something personal then tell them that but I don't there's much else you can do.
2007-11-03 03:55:41 · answer #2 · answered by Rockit 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't know the reason why you are renewing your vows, but it's often done after someone cheats. If this is by chance the reason in your case, where the cheater takes the vows and who they vow in front of takes on a special meaning that you shouldn't ignore.
Sometimes when a couple are from two different religions, you can find two clergyman who will do a joint ceremony using elements from both. If your husband has a Christian background, it may be more important to him than he is letting on, and he is as half the of this renewal ceremony. So you might want to REALLY be sure that he is in total agreement on where to renew your vows. Vows taken before a leader of the religion you grew up with have a way of meaning more to the person taking them.
As for including the whole family you have a right to pare the event down to how ever small you want it including not having any guests at all. If this is the case, just tell his family that renewing your vows is between you, your husband and God and no guests will attend. Then sincerely thank them for wanting to celebrate with you but our choice is not up for discussion. If you'd like, you could suggest that if they want to throw a small house party or open house in your honor, you'd be open to that.
2007-11-03 03:52:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell them you wanted a very intimate ceremony and that having a big to-do is NOT what you have in mind. It's your day. Do it the way you want to do it, and they can either show up when invited officially or stay home. It's not about them at all, but about the love you share as a couple. Having so many people there would just make things more labor-intensive when all you want is a simple ceremony to rededicate yourselves to each other. You want to enjoy your day, not be frazzled by all the details a large crowd would require.
2007-11-03 03:41:47 · answer #4 · answered by Serena 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well first of all, you should not have told anyone except the people that were invited since you said it is "private".. personally now that you did do that, i would think you should allow them to be a part of it if they want to.. i mean really.. whats the big deal? u dont have to have it in a church for them to be able to come.. but anyway, you dont want them there.. so whatever.. it's your thing.. so just do what you want.. but im just curious about something.. if youre not a christian why did you get "married"? isn't the whole concept of marriage and even the word marriage taken from the bible? why didnt you just get some sort of legal citizenship? just curious
2007-11-03 07:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You aren't Christian so his family is excluded from the ENTIRE event? How in the world does that possibly make sense?
I can totally understand not wanting to get married in the church but that doesn't mean you can't have the vow renewal wherever you were going to have it and invite them. It would be amazingly rude to invite your family and friends and tell his side "sucks to be you".
If it is just the two of you and nobody else is invited why are you even bothering to hurt people's feelings by announcing it? Do you just want presents?
2007-11-03 05:59:24 · answer #6 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
If you want it to be just between the two of you then just tell them it was a thought and nothing more. When you get your plans together you can tell your families but just let them know it's kind of like eloping and you both want it private. But have him tell them not you.
2007-11-03 04:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
are your family members invited? if so, you must also invite his family. realize that inviting them doesn't mean having the renewal where they want it, it means they can attend the ceremony that you and your husband plan. since they are already your in-laws, i assume they know you pretty well. i don't know why you would purposely exclude them. i think it would only cause hurt and bad feelings for no reason. if you invite only 10 of your family members, you should also invite 10 of his. otherwise, you are asking for unnecessary drama. again, plan the renewal you want, but don't exclude his family. that way, if they choose not to come, that is their decision. you extended the invitation so you have done the gracious, civil, right thing.
2007-11-03 03:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
If it is a private event then you should not envite anypart of either side of the family. therefore why even discuss it with them just go do it.
2007-11-03 04:40:22 · answer #9 · answered by Madisons' Mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them that it will be a SMALL private function and plans have already been made.
2007-11-03 04:10:45 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋