How can I reset my feelings ??

Question

Ok-at my age-I should know better (late 30`s)-but this situation is causing me a lot of pain-and I need serious advice please.

I am in a long standing relationship-but I don`t feel the same for him as I did years ago-how can I rekindle my old feelings to make it work again?

He isn`t affectionate or passionate towards me anymore and I feel really lonely.

The flip-side us I have fallen in love with a friend who lives a long way away-I think he has feelings for me too-but he is also in a realtionship-trubled one-but it`s still a relationship-and it`s with another friend of ours-so I certainly cannot pursue him at the present-I would not hurt my friend or my partner that way.

I feel that because I am protecting everyone else`s feelings though-it`s me who is getting hurt-How on earth do i forget the guy I have fallen in love with,and re-fall in love with my partner that I no longer feel attracted to ?

Serious advice only please.
Thanks.

Answer 1

It is at times like these where love and passion of previous years are replaced by loyalty and devotion.
Assuming that you live with your partner things can and often do get mundane as the drugery of work and/or kids take up most of your time and vital aspects of your union are often ignored.
After such a long period passion/intimacy/connection are buried deep inside and it takes a wake up call such as this to notice that these needs are as important as everyday life.

A change of routine maybe required, do something not normally done, if kids are involved get a babysitter once a month and go to the movies, start dating again, find time to rekindle the passion.
If that does not do it, start reconnecting with yourself, your passions, the things you like doing, it may even spark interest from him and enough curiosity so that he gets involved. It is healthy to have some separate interests.
Dont let posessiveness, jealousy, anger or fear creep into the picture it harbours resentment and can in most cases cause more damage than good. Communicate your feelings (in a non demanding way), let him know you are lonely and you miss him he may not have noticed this fact.
Finally I had a wise old man who told me this (when I was going through the same troubles)..... Life doesnt begin at 40 or even 50, it begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.

Good luck I hope this helps.....

Answer 2

I would completely forget the friend, and remember that when you are in a shaky relationship the other side looks better. Besides that, if he would do that to her, don't you think he would do that to you.
I would sit down and talk and find out what is missing in your mans life and ask him if it is something that you could help fix. If he doesn't want to join in the conversation, then it is time to move on. As you say you are the one getting hurt, so you have to stop inflecting pain on yourself, and either fix it, or start over. It will take energy from both of you to fix it, and I know sometimes it doesn't seem worth the effort. You are the only one that can figure that out.

Answer 3

I think you need to get out of your current relationship before you worry about starting another one. A psychologist I listen to on the radio said that if you have been in a long lasting relationship and decide that you don't love that person and you end it, to give yourself 6 months of being single. I personally think that the love in your relationship wasn't true or it would have lasted. Don't settle if you're not happy, because someone who will complete you is out there and likely waiting to find you as well. So, instead of 6 months, try being single for 3 months and figuring out what you want. And if in that time the person you are interested in, might see that you are available and get out of his currently relationship to be with you. But either way, nobody should stay in a relationship they aren't 100% happy with. Don't settle for less, when anything is possible.

Answer 4

I'm glad you have the right attitude towards the whole situation, well done. There's only one word for it really - Romance - you need to get lots of that stuff going again, you guys need to make an effort, do some exciting things together and make lots of time for the finer things in life. Romance romance romance........

Answer 5

Hi Dudette,

Well there is no point in having a relationship were one dosent love or care for the other partner.. there is no use having a troubled relationship .. you better break up..

Then i appreciate that you care for your friend..and if you really care , please speak to your friend and explian that she has to care for her partner ,.. and please dont pursue your friend's partner , that would be cheating and thats not nice too...

Dont worry and always remember that if life is testing you.. you will be rewarded well later...

and There is someone special waiting for you..Just hold on..
It is easier said than done..but believe me you can do it...


Cheers

Answer 6

hi there sorry to hear things are not going so well with your husband this happens to all if not most couples what you need to do is sort your own feelings out for your husband and then think about what your feelings are for this other man i know it seems hard but it has to be done and if you really want it to work with your husband than you have to forget this other guy or its not going to work also your husband needs to sit down with you and tell you what feelings he has for you or if his feelings for you have changed sorry if am not much help good luck mate.

Answer 7

always follow your heart......dont waste your time on what you dont want......