Blonde Jokes?

Question

I'm making my friend a blonde joke for her birthday, and I need some really good blonde jokes. Any and all jokes are appriciated, but please keep them clean, we are only 13. Thanks for your help!

By the way, I'm really looking for the longer story versions, but 1 liners are good too.

Oops, I'm making her a blonde joke BOOK. Sorry I didn't mention that.

Answer 1

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were like killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!?!?!?

or this?

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.

Answer 2

Blonde Riding a Horse
One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she's riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns off the horse.

Q:Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A:Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Answer 3

Here are some that I heard around some of my friends . . .

There are 3 spies. A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde. The police are after them since they stole some stuff from the store. The 3 spies climb into a tree. The policeman sees the tree and starts to climb it. When he gets to the brunette, the brunette says, "Cheep! Cheep!" so the police thinks it's some baby birds. He starts climbing the tree again, and when he gets to the red-headed, she goes, "Tweet! Tweet!" and the police thinks it is just some birds. He goes on climbing and when he gets to the blonde, the blonde says, "MOO!!!" and she gets captured.
NEXT...
There are 3 spies and they've gotten captured by the police. The police are going to shoot them now since they've been getting into too much trouble. It's the brunette's turn. The policeman says, "Ready? Aim . . ." and the brunette yells, "TORNADO!" So, the man turns around and the spy gets away. It's the red-head's turn. The policeman says, "Ready? Aim . . ." and the red-head yells, "THUNDERSTORM!" So, she gets away. Now, it's the blonde's turn. The man says, "Ready? Aim . . ." and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!" and she dies.

There are three spies ▬ A blonde, red-head, and a brunette. They are being chased by the police and they need a place to hide. The 3 spies come across a barn, so they enter it. They find 3 potato sacks lying on the ground. Each spy gets into one. The police come and bang on the barn door, "OPEN UP! POLICE!" Police enter the building and see the potato sacks. The 1st police goes to the first potato sack. The brunette is in it. Quickly the brunette says, "Baa! Baa!" And the man says, "Just a bunch of sheep." Then, the 2nd police goes to the red-head's sack. Quickly, the red-head says, "Meow! Meow!" So, the man says, "Just a bunch of cats." The 3rd guy goes to the blonde and quickly she says, "Po-ta-to! Po-ta-to!" and she gets captured.

When you say potato, make sure you break the syllables and also say it in a high pitched voice.
Hope these help!

Answer 4

(1) Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

(2) A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy... it's W!"

(3) A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.
"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."

(4) Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer aproached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen! I call the police for help,and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

Answer 5

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?"

The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."

The man responds "Huh.. that's interesting.. why did you name them such names?"

The blonde sighs and shakes her head "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??





A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."






A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Answer 6

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.

When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.

She tried to drown a fish.

If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.

It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.

They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

Answer 7

Do you know how many blonde jokes there are?

2, the rest are the truth!

Answer 8

Once there was a Red head, Blonde, and Burnette. They were gonna get shot. The red head went first the gunman said 1,2,3 and the red head said TORNADO! he turned around and she ran off. The Burnette was next and the gunman said 1,2,3 and the Burnette said HURRICANE! he turned around and she ran off. The blonde was next and the gunman said 1,2,3 and the blonde said FIRE! and the gunman shot her =]

Answer 9

Hope this is a good one! Well... a blonde was in her car driving to Red Lobster. She kept on seeing a tree in her way. Obviously she was scared, so she called the cops and the cops came to her car 5 minutes later. She said to the cops that there was a tree in her way. The cop said "may I please look in your car?" She said sure, and the cops looked in her car. The cops said to the blonde, are you aware that there is a tree air freshener in your car? She was like, ohhhh, well a person gave it to me on the side of the street saying that it was a tree, so I took it. She said thanks to the cops and leaded on to her destination, Red Lobster! Hope you like it!

Answer 10

What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

How can you tell when the blonde is having a bad day?

There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.