How do you get confident with dating if you have never dated before?

Question

I'm 20 and have never had any sort of relationship with a girl. I'm very embarrassed and ashamed of this. But I'm not sure what to do. I'm not the best looking. I feel like a loser. I don't approach women because I know they would say no and probably laugh at me too. What do I do? I just don't think having a relationship is meant to be for me.

Answer 1

If you are shy around people, then you need to practice making small talk with strangers. Next time that you are at the clothing store, buying groceries, or the burger joint, or the gas station – assuming that they are not to busy – ask the person behind the counter how his or her day is, and have a short conversation. It will make his or her day, and you will realize that talking to strangers isn’t that bad. Next start talking to strangers (of either sex) while you are waiting at the bus stop or while you are at the mall or cafeteria. You will realize that talking to a stranger isn’t as bad as you thought it was, since most people will be civil and friendly as long as you are. It will change your perspective. If you run into someone who is rude or indifferent, or acts uncomfortable talking to you, that is good also because you need to learn how to handle those situations as well. If you know that you can handle almost anything that comes up, you won’t be as nervous around people (more on that later). If someone doesn’t want to speak to you, or otherwise acts uncomfortable talking to you, do NOT take it personally. That person is probably having a bad day, or else has just come out of a bad relationship, and just doesn’t want to interact with anyone right now, not just you. Don't push it. Ignore that person and move on to someone else as if it didn’t matter – because it doesn’t. HER bad attitude does not have to become YOUR bad attitude. Just accept the fact that no one can please everyone all of the time and just move on to someone else as if nothing has happened. This is good practice for handling rejection – when you realize that other people’s opinion of you often has nothing to do with anything that you did or said, and it has everything to do with how messed up THEY are, so their opinion of you is meaningless -- because it is biased. Who cares what a crazy person thinks?

If someone actually SAYS something rude or obnoxious to you, or otherwise makes a public scene to try to embarrass you, just wait until they are finished, give them a little chuckle as if they were nuts, and say, “Gee, you are an immature drama queen” and walk away smiling as if she did YOU a favor by letting you know early on that she would make a poor friend (She DID do you a favor, actually. You now know that a relationship with her would have been a painful waste of time, and it didn't take six months of dating for you to realize that.). Or you can try my personal favorite comeback (said in an analytical, calm tone as if you were her psychologist), “I’m sorry to see that you have such a low sense of self esteem that you think that you need to be rude to innocent people for no reason just to feel good about yourself”, and then slowly walk away shaking your head as if she were the one who should be embarrassed by that immature outburst. It works. Or you can think of others.

If you are really unsure as to what to say or do, then sit down whenever you have a free moment, and think of some awkward situations that might happen to you – the ones that you are nervous about – and write down what you might say or do to diffuse the situation, and/or save face, if the worst case scenario occurs. Coming up with the right comeback ahead of time beats hands down the idea of thinking of the right comeback two or three days later AFTER the other person is long gone and you are say to yourself, “Man I should have said X; that would have shown her!” Keep your comebacks short and simple so that you can remember them (Phrases like “Glad that you like it”; or “It takes one to known one”; or, “I see that you are good at attracting creeps -- You must be attracting your own kind”; might sound childish, but they are easy to remember and they work on snobbish, insecure people.). Remember, though, not everyone is trying to be rude, so don't insult someone who is just acting awkward and doesn't know what to do or say. Women get confused and flustered in social suituations, and often don't know what to do or say, just like guys do. Cut her some slack unless it is clear that she really intended to be catty. You can tell the difference. A mean person deserves to be insulted, so feel free let her have a taste of her own medicine, but a confused person cannot help acting stupid.

While you are at it, plan for the best also. Always assume the best so that you will be in a positive, fun mood, and think of what you will say if everything is going well. Have a few clean jokes memorized, and think of a few good experiences in your life that you can talk about. Women love to hear true stories about other people’s life experiences, and it gives her an idea of what kind of person that you are. Hopefully it is something funny that you did, or it is an uplifting story about overcoming some adversity, or a story about you helping someone else. Think about your life long enough (while you are alone and actually have the time to do this), and you can probably think of something to say. Planning to have something to say ahead of time helps you avoid those awkward moments on a date where you are saying, “Oh crap! What do I talk about now?” You will never think of anything at the last moment while the pressure is on, so plan ahead some general topics that you might discuss if there is a lull in the conversation. You can also ask her some about her life to get her talking too. Don’t just ask generic questions all night, like what do you do. Try “mirroring” something she said. You might want to look this up on the internet, because it is too complex to explain here, but it basically means that you take a word (usually a noun or a verb) that SHE said, and use it in a new question. If she mentions the fact in passing that her and her friend liked a camping trip that they went on, say, “oh! Tell me about ‘camping’. That must have been fun. Do you do it that often?” Or you could ask a question about the ‘friend’ that she mentioned, by asking how close they are, or does she have any funny stores about what she and friend X did together. This makes it sound like you are listening, and it keeps the other person talking about herself by making natural bridges to other subjects. If she gives short answers to your questions, she probably doesn’t want to talk about that particular subject, so have a list of in your mind of some lighthearted questions that you can ask her about some fun things that people normally do (like, “have you ever been to Disney World with your parents, and they totally embarrassed you?” -- Good if you actually have your own story about this subject to share in case she does not). And don’t worry too much about pauses in the conversation. A silence is only an “awkward silence” if you act awkward. If you cannot think of anything to say, just relax, look casually around the room as if you were enjoying the view, and something will come to you as you watch what other people are saying or doing around you.

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Women tend to be social creatures, so they prefer to hang out with a guy who is also social. This, I believe, is for three or four reasons: (a) a social person is probably more well adjusted overall than a loner and is less likely to turn into a psycho stalker if the relationship does not work out; (b) a social person is probably more generous and less selfish than a loner, because you have to be a friend in order to have friends; (c) if you have many friends, you probably have good social & communications skills, which implies that you are good with relationships; and, (d) she gets to meet more people and expand her social circle if you have many friends of your own that you can introduce her to.

So, if you want to be good with women, the first step is to try to be more social overall. You do not have to be Mr. popular or the life of the party, but get out there and talk to people. Plan outings, and invite your new friends (and your would be girlfriend) along – you have more friends if you include other people in what you are doing, and your would be girlfriend gets to see how you interact with other people (makes her feel “safe” if she knows that you are socially well adjusted). There are a lot of free events out there (check the web page of your local News station on the web), and there are many clubs (hiking, biking, canoeing, etc.) which you can join for very little $$ in annual dues. It will give you stuff to do (and stuff to invite your new friends to) and will in turn get you to meet new people.

Answer 2

Just take things easy. In fact I was like you before, never dated until I was 20 and very embarrassed at this. But decided that its enough and I got to do something. So I dated. I wasn't successful at first but later on I was starting to do okay. Its never easy but I think its worth it. Be emotionally strong and listen to friends. With regards to your approaching-a-woman problem, just relax. Do not pressure yourself. Just start off with a simple human conversation. You do not have to ask her number or ask her a date at first. Just talk to her in a normal way. Thats it! Maybe notice something around or something she is wearing to start the conversation. Do not pressure yourself in getting dates. Dates will come once you talked to several ladies. Relax dude you're still young. Just keep your head high. It might help you if you read some online self help on dating. Just keep on learning.

Answer 3

You know what this is a very common problem with many men while dating. Even i faced it.

you should check the following link. May be it can be helpful to you. Here is the link

http://how-to-approach-girls.blogspot.com

good luck

Answer 4

here is a link to an article with great dating advice

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/432149/10_firstdate_blunders_getting_drunk.html