Do you think a mothers "title" (SAHM or working mom) makes her superior to other moms?

Question

Or is it how she deals with what she has?I am not pro-SAHM nor am I pro-working mom. I am pro-mom period. One thing I have noticed on here is all the back and forth bashing between SAHM's and working moms. Perhaps many don't mean to, but I have to say I have noticed some SAHM's making "digs" at the working moms, saying things like "I don't want strangers raising my kids." "I value my kids above money." "My kids mean more to me than my career." Working moms feel pretty much the same way, but many feel as a mom they need that second income to properly support their kids.

We have alot of SAHM's where I live who don't properly support their kids. They get on welfare, medicaid, WIC, food stamps and any other type of public assistance they can. I don't in any way think that these women are superior to me, just because they have the title SAHM and I work outside the home.

Is it the title that makes one mom superior to others, or doing what she thinks is right for her family?

Caninele: See thats where you aren't seeing the bigger picture. Being a SAHM doesn't make you the superior mom, because you are home with your kids. I have seen many SAHM's who are so irritated with their kids being with them all day that they constantly scream and yell at them, spend most the day laying on the couch or on the internet, and don't take proper care of their kids. I dont care if technically they are called SAHM's, they are not superior to a mother who does what she had to in order to make sure her kids have a good lifestyle and upbringing. So I guess you feel that even if a fathers income isn't enough to support a family without the mother working, then she should still be a SAHM, even if it means the tax payers and the government are having to help support her kids?

Well sorry, but it isn't you guys responsibility to support my kids. It is mine. And if that means I have to work outside the home to get a paycheck, then that is my responsibility as a mother.

I just want to comment to the woman who was offended about the comments about SAHM's on welfare, food stamps and medicaid. Do you think that all mothers, be it SAHM moms or working moms, don't have the same worries and concerns about providing for their kids?? We all do. But the difference is that some manage to either do it on just the fathers income or on 2 incomes, while others do it on the fathers income AND taxpayers money. Where do you think the money comes from to pay for all this government assistance? The government doesn't have some money tree somewhere that they pluck money off of to pay for welare, food stamps, Medicaid. This comes from the money that working people pay in every year in taxes.
Some need that extra help, and that is one thing, but what about the couples who already have to be on public aid to support the kids they already have, who decide to keep having more and more?? They are relying on public assistance to support their kids, NOT doing it themselves.

Before I choose the best answer I just wanted to say that OLDSCHOOLMOM you pinpointed what I was trying to say, though perhaps not in the way I said it. Meaning that a SAHM SHOULD have the ability to be a better mom in some asspects, but many don't try to. How many SAHM's do you think there are who sit on their rears all day, (Well after they slept in until 10:00), then watch soaps, talk on the phone, or get on the internet. Who take about 10 minutes to throw a frozen meal into the microwave for their kids, then go back to doing nothing productive with their kids. Who are not being SAHM's, but are being lazy blobs, who ignore their kids most of the day, and then complain to their husband when he gets home about how hard she has it sitting at home with the kids all day and how he never helps.

Having the "title" SAHM does not in any way, form, or fashion make a woman better as a mother. It all depends on what she actually does during those extra 8-10 hours a day with her kids.

Answer 1

i hate titles, and i think the work at home mom and the sahm is always gonna be a controversy just like the breastfeeding and formula feeding.
no one mom is "more superior" than the other. there are a lot of lazy sahm that sit on the couch and let their children run wild and eat what they want and watch tv all day. and there are sahm that teach their children and raise them up to be good kids.
same with working moms, there are some that go to work and then still pawn their kids off on other people so they can do other things for themselves. and there are working moms who do everything for their kids and provide a good life for them.
i've been on both sides of the fence, and for me being a sahm has helped my kids so much more than me working that my husband and i have sacrificed a lot for me to be able to stay home with them.
we don't get assistance, but we don't have satallite, we get the free local channels all 8 of em :)
we have 1 nice family van and a crappy car for my hubby to drive back and forth to work. ect.
there is nothing wrong with either one.
its just somthing that will always be fought on i guess

Answer 2

I don't think being home or at work makes you a better mum than the next mum you meet. It's how you deal with your situation is what makes you a good mum. Striking a balance is the key.
I am a SAHM and love my "job", but I have a few friends who are working either full or part time and they love their life too...it's what makes us all happy which is the main thing.
I have a husband who works away from home a lot in the week which makes even the possibility of me working damn near impossible as I have no-one around here to help with child care. It's not that I don't want anyone else bringing up my kids, if that was the way for us then that would be fine - I am just happy as I am! Fortunately I don;t have to work for now but than may well change in years to come and we will have to look at our situation again.
Each to their own - everyone does the best they can in my eyes! [Most of the time!!!!!]

Answer 3

Okay first off, just because someone is on WIC, Medicaid and foodstamps doesn't not mean they aren't taking proper care of their kids. Getting the assistance availible to you is assuring that your kids get all the care they possibly can. Second off, I am atm a SAHM and am so by choice and not by choice. At first I was going to be a SAHM until all the little ones were in school (so another 5years) but my husband, whom was suppose to be my rock has proved to be a rock slide. He's had 20 jobs in 5 years. And little ones cropped up during this time.
I'm getting off topic.
In any case, not all SAHM think working mom's are bad. BUT, for you to say that women who get the assistance availible to them are not properly taking care of their children is an insult. What would you have them do? Drop their kids off at the first crappy daycare that will take their kids and worry all day that some sick, underliscensed careperson will molest, abuse, or neglet their child? The good daycares have long waiting lists... And what else? Some people don't make the money to purchase insurance for their children through their job, even with both parents working. It would cost me and my husband $450! dollars a month for health insurance! We're elible for medicaid and I'm going to use it! Insurance is expensive!
I think you should just be grateful for what you've got, don't worry about other moms and whether or not they dis you, most likely they're not your friend anyway so you don't have to deal with them on a regular basis. But most of all, I feel that you shouldn't reciprocate judgement for the assistance people take. Everyone has their reasons and if people don't like the other persons reasons, they should just suck it up and mind their own business.

Answer 4

I agree that any mother worth her salt will put her child's needs first, but the choice to stay at home or even work from home, does not necessarily make a person a better parent. I've been on both sides of this issue, and with out relying on government aid.
When I worked I felt terrible that I had to let my daughter spend so much time in a day-care or with a babysitter. Now that I stay at home, I feel rotten each time I can't buy her things that she wants. I've loved her just as much either way and will willingly do without or find a way to make sure she has what she needs - even if it is a lesson in economy - Mom not working = less money and thus less things.
Don't let someone else's superiority complex make you feel like you're less than you are. Love your child and do what you think is best, it's all any mother can do.

Answer 5

I am a SAHM but if I really needed too I would go back out to work. It is everyone's choice what they do and it doesn't bother me either way. Yeah the extra money would be nice but we are not at the point where we are desperate for it so I would rather look after our daughter and my husband is 100% with me doing that. I use to work with a woman she was a single mum at the time and she did it hard to give her son everything she even bought a house on a single income and her pay wasn't that great. I admired her for her strength to give her son all that but she also missed out on so much. She is now married and a SAHM she had another baby not long a go and has another on the way, her eldest use to ask her why she can't be like the other mums and it broke her heart. He now has his wish. In the end it should only come down to what is going to best for your children, if you can afford to be a SAHM then great but if you need to work to keep your kids clothed and feed then great as well. We all have to make a sacrifice one way or another.

Answer 6

OK I'm currently a stay at home mom with three kids . And i feel that I'm doing the right thing . not that I'm saying working moms are wrong . I use to be a working mom when i had 1 child , but my point is that I'm not going to pay 80 percent or whatever of my hard earned money to daycare just so i can work . my husband and i like this arrangement it works well for us and my mom was a SAHM . maybe that plays a factor in why I'm a SAHM . If i could find decent child care for 3 kids under 2100 dollars a month then i may consider returning but for us it is a waste of my money and time for me to work instead . But ultimately i think if you can afford to stay home with your kids than you should.

Answer 7

I agree with you - all moms should be supported, provided they are doing right by their kids. I'm a SAHM because I can be and because I want to be. I have 2 sisters who have children. One is a single parent and the other just went through a divorce. She had no choice but to work when she was married because she made more money than her ex-husband did. They are always run ragged, trying to balance everything. I have other friends who also work out of necessity but would love to be home with their kids. Sadly, it's just not possible for them at this time. I salute any working mom who can keep it together. I know what I do at home in a day, with cleaning, laundry, cooking and volunteering as my son's class mom. I couldn't imagine having to do a paying job on top of that.

There are benefits to kids having their moms home but if families with both parents working make their kids a priority, they will be no worse off than any other kid. I've been on the receiving end of working moms who feel I'm wasting my life/education/talent because I'm not out in the work force. I don't think that's any more their business than it is mine that they work and don't stay with their kids. My point is, ALL MOMS WHO TRY THEIR BEST DESERVE PRAISE. At the end of the day, as long as their children know they are loved and taken care of, really, does it matter what they did all day?

Answer 8

a superior mom is a mother who loves their children no matter what. a mom who's child can come to and talk to about anything and everything. a mom who makes herself available weather she is at work or at home. Being a SAHM does not make you superior to the working mom. The superior mom is the mom who takes care of her child both physically, mentally and emotionally. Not the SAHM that sits on her butt and yells at her kids because she never has time for herself. Or the working mom who never spends time with her kids because her career comes first. the superior mom is the best mom that makes time for everything but still knows what is the most important thing her child's well being.

Answer 9

First off - thank you for staying very objective and impartial when you asked your question!!
I was a working woman with a nice career path before the baby arrived, and now I'm a SAHM. Many of my friends went back to work after having babies, some didn't need to financially, some had to. I think everyone's case is different, and noone is superior to the other. BUT I'll say this: SAHM if done right (!) is much more difficult than I thought!! You never get any breaks, weekends, AND you have to pee with your toddler hanging on your panties! I think it only makes me a more tired woman than working mothers.. not a superior one... God bless ALL mothers...

Answer 10

I think the debate is unfortunate, because it takes all the attention away from the real issues. IMHO, we'd all be better off if we focused on:

* How poorly paid childcare workers are - even at the very best centers. It's true for caregivers in general. Our most vulnerable populations - the very young and the very old - are cared for by people who often can't afford to provide for their own families. It's a sin.

* How many women don't have good maternity leave options. There are plenty of cases where a family could arrange for one parent to take off six months, even a year. But how many of us would have jobs after that? Going back to work full-time after six weeks is exhausting for everyone - truly, almost cruel.

* How few part-time opportunities exist. It seems to me that many women would be thrilled to continue their work on a limited basis. But I know many more women who have sought the positions than those that have found them.

Women have choices today, but often it feels like they're not very good choices. Wasting time arguing over whose version of compromise is better? That's just pointless.