Just because I am single, that doesn't mean I am alone.?

Question

I am a single, straight, 28 year old male. I have never had a girlfriend, although I have tried dating a little bit when I was 23. I may have gone on 2 or 3 dates total in my entire life. They were ok, but I just felt they weren't for me. I am not a touchy feely kind of person and I am certainly not a romantic. Being in a relationship of that nature just isn't for everyone. I am more into my career and community. People tell me that I will be alone if I never find a suitable lady. Um, I am not "alone" now and I don't have a girlfriend, so why would I be alone when I am older? I have friends and family. In fact, I still live with my family and other adult siblings. Even if I decide to move out one day, I will not be alone. I will always have friends and most likely have family around as well. When I get home from work, 9 times out of 10 I just want to lay down and go to sleep. At the end of the day I don't need to socialize or have someone hang on me. What do you think?

I also take a lot of abuse because I have never "hooked up" with a girl. People say, "You must be gay!" LOL, I find that humorous as I only find females to be attractive. But as I said, I am just not into touching anyone or vice versa. And no I have not been abused, I am just not into touchy feely stuff. Don't try to read too deeply into these things. People are to obsessed with pop psychology these days I think. LOL!

Answer 1

do whatever you want. why do you need us to justify your choices?

Answer 2

Go into the "Entertainment" page on Yahoo and read "Dear Margo". One of those letters could have been written by you.

Some people just aren't into relationships and there's nothing wrong with that. The romantic relationship concept is so overblown by Hollywood and Madison Avenue anyway.

My aunt never married or had kids and she has a very busy social life. She was also a teacher for many years before she retired. She took care of my grandmother for many years also. My aunt volunteers, has lunch with people she went to high school with (they're all in their 70's), is in Red Hat and Eastern Star and a bunch of other stuff. She also tutors children since she used to be a teacher.

Don't worry about what other people say. It seems like you are happy and your lifestyle is happy so the heck with everyone else. I believe another advice columnist's reply to a rude, nosey questions is "if I had wanted you to know, I would have told you by now" or "if you forgive me for not answering such a question, I'll forgive you for asking it."

Answer 3

I think if you are genuinely happy with your life then it is no one's business. Some people seem to feel threatened (by what, I don't know) if everyone isn't living the fairy tale dream life. There's a continuum of what people need in the touchy feely department and as long as you have friends and are content, then you are way ahead of the game. Think of all the people who can't be alone so they jump into awful relationships, end up divorced and miserable, etc. If people bug you about being sorry later, tell them you'll deal with later later.

Answer 4

No, it doesn't mean that, I was single till I was 29 ,I didn't date much. I spend lots of time working ,with hobbies , socializing and spending time with friends. Lots of people thought I was gay (small town), because I didn't go out with many woman or date much and I had lots of Friends that were girls. I am not gay , I met the woman for me ten years ago and I am happily married with three children. I was shy so people always tried to push me into relationships thinking I was lonely, but I was content , From the age of 18 I built up my self esteem, learned to like my self, enjoyed my freedom , when it was time to settle down I would know that time came. I was single but through the years all my male friends married and many of them married young , all of them married woman younger than themselves. Of my four closest friends , three of them married young,. The fourth married when he was 29, but he married an 18 year old, that marriage lasted less than a year. The other three friends were all divorced in under 10 years. I believe in this Quote " The only way to get rid of loneliness is to learn to be alone and to be happy and content when alone". ( it goes something like that) So stay single until you know you are ready to be in a committed relationship. Hope that helps

Answer 5

I think you need to define "alone".

By "alone", do you mean 'without a long-term partner'?
By "alone", do you mean 'having no friends'?
By "alone", do you mean 'having no contact with anybody else'?

Judging by the information you have given in your question, the second two definitions are likely to be not true, but the first certainly is.


Also, as a final point to make, even if they are not consciously aware of this, they are more concerned about the QUALITY of the relationships (friendships etc) you have are not going to be as developed and full as those who have a long term partner.

They want you to start having more than just 'good' relationships with people - they would like you to experience how it feels to have more than this...


Ultimately, it is your decision. Only you can decide how you're going to lead your life and who knows - your true love may be just around the corner looking for you. =)

Answer 6

You get a high five. I always hated, when I was single, being asked if I was lonely, and being told that "Ohh, you'll find someone."

SERIOUSLY. You are a whole person, regardless of if you're in a relationship. I think people must be REALLY insecure to NEED to be constantly dating someone.

I am in a happy relationship now, but I would never, ever tell someone that I am now whole and hope that they will get through the "horrible" time of being single. It can be fantastic, if you let it--which you are!

Answer 7

Wow, I suspected that it was true. A lot of people have some very ugly assumptions about us who choose to be single. Thanks for asking the question. The answers are very revealing of what's out there. Many of the early Christians were single including Jesus. I'm only 15 and I may very well change my mind. But right now, the only thing I desire, is to come home from school or work and be FREE of the will of anyone else.
What I think is: The vast majority of single people are heterosexual. As our numbers grow, the ugly assumptions will decrease. Flewer, you are funny to think that people are unmarried because they are unattractive. Ugly people marry just as quickly as good looking people. I certainly have seen more obese married people than single obese.
Whoever gave me the thumbs down, thanks for validating my talking points and your mindless bigotry.

Answer 8

The important thing is that you are happy. People can be miserable together but happy single. Maybe you are just not ready for a steady girlfriend or wife. That's okay. You might change your mind later or you might not. It's your choice. Don't let other people run your life and push into a relationship when you're not ready for it. Live your life!

Answer 9

You sound like the male version of me.I'm heterosexual, I've never been married, had only a few serious relationships, never come close to even feeling the vaguest temptation to marry -- I don't even want KIDS. I've been fixed up on so many pointless blind dates by friends who think I "need someone in my life", I've lost count and stopped accepting the arrangements. I'm perfectly fine being by myself. It IS possible to be alone and not be lonely. I'm living, breathing, functioning proof.


P.S. angelika, "Who wants to be a lone when they are getting older? No one. Who will than take care of you?" is the dumbest reason ANYONE has come up with for NEEDING to get married.

Answer 10

Well, if you are happy as you are, then why conform to what others "think is best for you"? I HATE when other people tell me what I should do. Like Im 32, never married, no kids but everyone seems to think I should. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy with someone else. I dont think that it is you choosing to be by yourself, but that special someone has not caught your eye yet. In the meantime, you should be proud that you are self sufficient and completely at ease with yourself. And no, you are never alone, God is with you.

Answer 11

If you are truly happy with your life as it is right now, then you are okay. It sounds like you have a great family and wonderful friends. Some people are not made to be married and if you don't enjoy dating and have no burning desire to be a married man, then you should not do it.