Building resentment in my kids?

Question

I work in the hotel industry & in the past ten years we've lived in 4 different states because of job switches (always better). There's another great oppurtunity opening on a beachfront property in 2009 that I've just got to go after. It's in the same state we're in now but 5 hours away. We have 3 daughters ages 15-9-8. My husband says that our children will grow to resent all this moving around. He said it's called the "army brat" syndrome. That the kids will never develop relationships or have roots. My husband is a tattoo artist, so he can relocate his business wherever we go. I always ask my kids what they think before I go for a job, and they're always excited and eager. Am I really harming them with my Gypsy attitiude?

Answer 1

I wouldn't move any further after this move. Your teenager is developing really important relationships that are going to prepare her for relationships for the rest of her life. Don't move her when Jr. prom is coming up, and homecoming, band and orchestra and choir.

TX Mom

Answer 2

The fact that your daughters are excited and eager is a positive thing. I'm sure that the promise of beachfront living is very appealing to them. It goes without saying that they will experience losses as a result of this move. How they deal with their losses depends on them, and you, as well as the circumstances surrounding their lives. My family moved many times while I was growing up. I have always felt homeless for this reason and also because I didn't have a emotional stability in my home life. Whenever someone asks me where I am from it is hard to give an easy answer. I live in the south now, but my accent gives away the fact that I'm not from here. I was born in England because my father was stationed there while in the air force. We moved to the US when I was as toddler and I don't have any other connection to England so I don't feel like I'm "from" there or any of the other placed I have lived, in Europe, the north, the south, and the west and I can relate to the resentment your husband describes. How your daughters fare by moving around probably depends more on the strength of your family than anything else. The world is full of people who grew up living here, there, and everywhere and are grateful for the experience. Speaking for myself, I always longed for the stability of a permanent home.

Answer 3

I am sorry to tell you but your husband is right. My brother's family has lived in 5 different states in the last 10 years. His last move was this past summer. His kids are starting to act out and his marriage is starting to get on the rocks too. I just talked to him last week and he said..."I think i need to slow down and settle down where are are, even thought its nor very glamorous here". My brother and I had very different upbringings...as he had my mom most of it. My mom had to work majority of the time with me and my dad worked all the time too. Dad work good thing...Mom work bad....My brother is wonderful but I can tell you that the one thing those kids want MORE then anything you could ever buy them is YOU!! More money equals more work meaning less time with them. That is only going to cause resentment. Not only do they have to keep moving and not make friends and keeping them, but they don't even have family to fall back on as they are working. I can't tell you what to do, I just suggest you think about it very carefully. What is in the best interest of your CHILDREN,,,,NOT YOU!! I am sure you make plenty of money as it is right now, is it really worth possibly hurting your relationship with your children over a dollar amount when there is probably more then enough now? Only you can figure that out.
By the way..the reason your children seem happy and excited about the idea of moving is because, they figure they don't have a say so and you seem so excited...children want to make their parents happy...really think they are going to tell you "no i don't want to move" if it seems like that isn't want you want to hear?

Answer 4

I moved around alot when I was a kid--I went to 5 elementary schools (3 in 2nd grade!) and 2 middle schools, and almost went to 2 high schools (thank goodness plans changed!). Your 8 and 9 year olds will be fine, but the 15 year old may be resentful. Before you make any decisions, talk to your kids. Please, talk to your kids. The 15 year old is at a very delicate age, between childhood and adulthood, when she needs the security of a particular group of friends. Those friends are like her second family. She is trying to learn to make good, adult decisions, and having her life uprooted may make that more difficult for her. She may feel like you are not respecting her lifestyle.

If she seems genuinely okay with it, then go for it! If she seems hesitant, though, you may need to rethink things.

My cousin was uprooted her freshman year of high school, without her parents considering her feelings, and she never was the same after that--she rebelled and rebelled. She is now 18 and about to have her first baby, all because she felt her parents didn't respect her ability to make decisions. (Hey, I'm not saying the teenage mind is always LOGICAL!)

Answer 5

I don't think it's necessarily true that your kids will never develop relationships but I do agree with them not having "roots". My parents moved us around a lot because they made some stupid financial decisions. We moved 9 times before I was 18. I hated it because just when I thought I was settled, we had to move again. It didn't feel like "home", if that makes sense. I love change but when it comes to my home, I want a constant. If your kids are happy and eager about it, I don't see any reason not to move them. However, you need to be sure they aren't just saying they're happy because they already know they're moving anyway, regardless of what they say.

Answer 6

i dont think its the wrong thing if your children seem happy and are making friends along the way. my cousins had to move all around australia for their fathers job and they are well adjusted adults today. i think it would be great to see different towns etc, as long as they adjust to school and are happy i think its fine. i have moved house numerous times with my children and they actually find it exciting, though im not moving great distances and they keep the same friends. i just think if they are happy go for it, it is a life experience for them and will teach them life isnt about one place and the same people, they get to meet all walks of life which i think is good.

Answer 7

i was an army brat until i was 11 and i'm 25 now. i'm in a five year relationship, so obviously your husband is wrong. if the kids sound eager and excited, it's because they are. even after we left the army, we still moved around alot and we all turned out just fine. so will your kids.

Answer 8

No, I don't feel that you are hurting the children with the moves. You can way any negatives that they have mentioned if any. Your moving for the betterment appears to be an asset in their growth. To get to see different locations for when they are out on their own.

Answer 9

i think your husbands right especially with a daughter in her teens it seems like they finally have a normal lifestyle and your moving them away and they now that its for something you love and your achiving your goals and thats why your familys so supportive but i think you just need to let it go and let them live life normally for once also I now you keep moving jobs beacause you want to be able to give them what they want and there need but mabey one of there needs is to be able to grow up and feel secure in one place for a bit also they will probable end up resenting you hope i helped

Answer 10

kids dont understand that kind of thing....I WAS a marine brat and it was TOUGH especially in high school.....I moved twice in high school and my junior year I just could not make friends because everyone had already known each other for years....


a great opportunity is always a wonderful thing....but sometimes its ok to say no to it....and maybe your husband is sick of moving too or he wouldnt have brought it up....

it osunds liek you're really thinking of yourself here...but you've got a whole family now...think of them!