Atheists, what do you do at a funeral when everyone prays to not look like a jerk?

Question

When they say their prayers, and you feel like you have to join in in the 'Amen', or else they think you want the dead persons soul to go to hell or something.
Do you join in, like you are just wishing them the best right? even if they are not anywhere now, your memories of them are good aren't they? isn't that just what you are saying. Do you close your eyes or say the words at all? and do you sing along?

that's awful Christy (((hugs))) I'm so sorry for ur losses!

Answer 1

Christians pray to not look like jerks? Not everyone's prayer is getting answered.

Are atheists not allowed to show their respects, and say goodbye to dead friends and relatives? That's what I do, quietly ignoring any religious element, whatever religion the dead person followed.
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Answer 2

I am an atheist and I've been to three of my friend's funerals in the past month and half.

The first funeral service I attended was so focused on prayer and religion that it really bothered me. They didn't talk about my deceased friend at all, the pastor only talked about the benefits of being a Christian...like he was a salesman or something. It really rubbed me the wrong way. But I sat silently, bowed my head when everyone prayed. I did not sing along or say "Amen"...I never do. I do what is necessary to be polite and respectful.

The second funeral was a Catholic service which I thought was much better than the previous. The priest talked about my friend and even gave advice on how to deal with the situation that we, as his loved ones left behind, were facing. (He took his own life.) It was a very good service and not focused as much on the religion, and more on the people. Still at that funeral, I did not sing along or say "Amen." I bowed my head during prayer out of respect but I did not participate as I never do.

The third funeral I attended was a military funeral. The first speaker was a pastor, then my friend's father, then my friend's two best friends, and then his captain from the Army. When the group prayed, again I bowed my head out of respect as I always do. As I said before, I did not sing along or saw "Amen."

I don't think it is disrespectful to not participate in prayer and song as long as you are respectful while others are participating. This is why I silently bow my head and reflect on my own thoughts while the rest of the group is praying. During the singing, many people do not sing so it does not seem strange to me to not participate in the song.

Answer 3

I simply sit/stand quietly, I do not join in at the amen as that is an indication of agreement with the pray which I do not agree with.. When the group begins singing I sit/stand with the group and remain quiet..

If someone has a problem with how I have handled myself they can ask, I will simply say "I am Atheist, I do not agree with the sentiment of the prayer therefore I did not affirm the sentiment with an amen. I did not join in with the singing for the same reason" If the other person has a problem with this explanation it is their problem not mine...

I have been to countless funerals as an Atheist (including the funerals of 3 of my grandparents), I have never been asked by anyone why I didn't join in the praying and/or the singing...

Why would anyone critique the participation of another in a funeral service in the first place? The critic would have to have issues far beyond the mere funeral participation to ever bring it up..

Answer 4

I just stand or sit there quietly, and no one really notices that I've not participated, especially if they've bowed their heads. But usually I'm with family at funerals and most of them, at least the ones that I associate with know I'm an atheist and don't really care what I do.

Answer 5

I try to avoid funerals as much as possible. I do not pray, and I hate to hear the ridiculous lies preachers tell about the deceased. I hate gospel music, so I probably shall never attend another funeral. I have a good excuse anyhow. I have allergies, and all of those flowers at funerals make me choke.

Answer 6

I pay my respects to the family in a respectful way. I stand their and remain silent.

If anyone that needs to be questioned on their attitudes during a funeral it should be those jerks of the westboro baptist church.
So glad that they have to pay a huge fine for their actions at a military funeral

Answer 7

I sit or stand (as the case may be) quietly. I do not bow my head nor do I say 'amen'. In the cases of funeral masses I do not get down on my knees but sit quietly in the pew. I am not a christian so I do not feel the need to conform.

Answer 8

I do whatever is respectful. Oscar speeches are not the time for spewing political beliefs and funerals are not the time for ridiculing the beliefs that give others comfort. It doesn't hurt me any to say "amen".

Answer 9

At my grandma's funeral - she was extremely Catholic, like arch-Catholic - I felt a little awkward, because even though I was raised Catholic, it's been years and years since I went to church regularly. But I went through the motions, and even took Communion. I rationalized it by saying to myself that I loved my grandma, and even though I don't respect Catholic beliefs, I respected her, so the least I could do was show my love and respect by going along with the rite as she would've wanted it.

On the one hand, yeah, it's hypocrisy; on the other, why make a big deal about it, as if that day was about me.

Answer 10

no i bow my head but i don't pray. and i don't believe in hell and i thought if you were a good person you go to heaven any ways. so why do you have to say amen to make sure that some one goes to heaven