Is this friend just trying to sleep with me?

Question

kinda long story ,, i was friends with this guy for about 10 yrs (platonic),,i thought we were very close, he even told me im one of his best friends. i confided in him alot. then all of a sudden i stop hearing from him about 3 yrs ago, he had a girlfriend who was never friendly to me, always mad. All of a sudden he stopped calling me, in Instant messenger he would never say hi for months, if i said hi he would make a wise crack or not reply. Then his friend tells me he got married to that girl. big wedding, invited everyone, he didnt even tell me about it. figured i was written off. Some months later i get bombarded with instant messages from him wanting to hang out, no mention of marriage, he messaged me everyday now. I was wary, after some time i said hows married life? he says "oh u found out", he says hes getting a divorce now and hes glad its over and he;ll explain when he sees me what happened. He asked to see me that night, i said im busy. He said next week? i said maybe

he never called me to talk or make plans, another time he messaged me and said "what r u doing tonight" i said i have plans. I did.
Then he asked hows your love life? i say great, he says no stories? i said no drama.
Then he starts telling me stories about girls hes dating, and adds you mean you have no stories? i said no i have a boring life.

Then he tells me he has a web journal detaling all his dated but they dont know about it. The journal had details about every date. photos of each girl hes dating with their eyes not shown and what he rates them.
I was shocked.
Now he doesnt message me at all, its gone to being dead like before, not even a happy halloween.
i was testing him to see what he was up to
what do u think, out to use me and also get gossip to tell people?

Answer 1

I think you the fact that he didn't even invite you to his wedding tells you a lot about him. You should just ask him what he expects from you and remind him that there was a time in his life when he made no time for you. Also let him know that if he wants a friend then he wants to be one and you're not too fond of having anything besides a friendship with him.

He seems like a dog. keeping track of his conquests.

Answer 2

You might see it as platonic but he might want more.
This is what I call an "Orbiter", a guy who's attracted to a woman but wont directly tell her. He'll just end up being a friend, listen to all her problems then hope one day she'll sleep with him.

"oh you found out" shows he didn't want you to know or he's playing some kind of silly mind games. I stay away from people like this.

He sounds like a social-retard to me, I would completely ignore / block him.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is attempting to reconnect with you as he's going through a tough time. However, do not fall for the "I'm getting a divorce" trick. Talk to him but no getting together until his divorce is FINAL. Avoid any unpleasantries.

Answer 4

Here's what I think happened: you guys were close friends, perhaps he had an interest in you, perhaps he didn't. It's hard to tell without knowing him. Either way, when he started dating this woman, she probably "forbade" him from talking to you because she saw you as a potential threat. Even if he didn't have feeling for you, she was probably jealous that he had such a close female friend. Many girls are insecure and do this kind of thing. In order to please her (and probably because he was whipped) he just cut off all contact with you. An immature way of dealing with the situation, but that's how he dealt with nonetheless.

Then, he gets married and divorced, and decides that now that his "wife" is no longer in the picture, he can talk to you again. And perhaps his constant messages and questions are his way of trying to makeup for lost time. He probably feels bad but doesn't know how to express himself.

Now that's he's a "free man" he's going a bit crazy on the dating scene. Now, it sounds to me like perhaps he did have a crush on you because he's trying to find out if you are single and so on. But does he want to sleep with you? I don't think that's what he is after. I think he simply screwed up and doesn't knw how to cope; he lost a really good friend, and he might have a thing for you and wants to date you but doesn't know how to bring it up. Maybe telling youa bout his dating blog with his ratings is his way of being "macho."

Now that he finds out you are taken, he's not as interested. Or perhaps he feels like a jerk and decides to cut you out again. Either way, this guy doesn't seem to value friendship the way you do and in my opinion you have two choices:

1. Talk to him, find out what's going on in his head, and work things out.

2. Ignore him and cut him out of your life because he obviously only wants to be friends with you when it's convienent.

Up to you.

Answer 5

Dude.. this guy is all sorts of sideways. Talk to him... but not on IM... on the phone, go grab a cup of coffee... find out what the heck happened to him.

Afterwards, you can decide on if you want to be friends with him or not.

But, I'm not sure I would want to be friends with him.

Answer 6

I think he needs a friend. The situation with you being his friend and him being with someone, it can get tricky. And when you get married, i think you should focus on your new family. Plus, it happens all the time. People get in to relationships and then you never see your friend again? The best thing you can do is be a little understanding but tell him what he did to your friendship wasn't right. I think he really misses the friendship. but you know....friendship is a good thing in a couple relationship as well......

Answer 7

i've got in no way had any of my male acquaintances attempt to hit on me or sleep with me. they have confirmed that they've been fascinated in in line with possibility taking our relationship to the subsequent point, yet after allowing them to are conscious of it does not take place, we've remained acquaintances. i've got in no way had a guy that i understand, a buddy or maybe an acquaintance in simple terms immediately attempt to get me into mattress... in no way. They understand getting me into mattress demands greater beneficial than a splash of candy communicate. i understand that there are some adult adult males that approached me with "hooking up" interior the back of their recommendations, yet after attending to understand one yet another... we've the two dated, broke up, and remained acquaintances or in simple terms grew to become acquaintances and left it at that.

Answer 8

Don't waste your time.
If there is any contact ever again I would tell him to take the train.(Get lost)
Why would you subject yourself to this type of emotional abuse.
Don

Answer 9

Short answer...yes.

Answer 10

RUN. Run hard run fast run deep, just run.