Would it be wrong to cut all ties with my Mother In Law?

Question

Basically my MIL has hated me from the moment we met. Her and my husband do not get along and can barely stand each other but I tried being nice and allowing her to come to both of our weddings and all she did was cause problems.

After we got married she went on a tirade telling me that I had to give her the money we got as a wedding gift even though she paid for nothing in our wedding and when I refused she threw a fit and started telling me she was glad that my dog died the week of my wedding and she hoped I did. Along with other harassments and cruelety.

Now my hubby and I are going to buy a house and she feel she needs to be involved with every aspect and when we both told her no because every time she came house hunting with us she threw a tempertrum because she didn't like the place and we did ...

So she gave him 10k as a gift for when we bought a house and all of the sudden she wants the money back now that we need it. And I told him just to give her the damn money so I don't have to listen to it. So he did and yesterday I get this call at 7am and she's telling me she's driving over to my house and I was going to give her money for a train ticket to go to a job interview because she is broke but yet she can afford to drive over to get money ... I didn't have any money on me so I had to listen to her scream at me for an hour.

Its really starting to effect my marriage and I don't think she's worth keeping around ...

Okay to add this I am not accepting money from her. The 10k was given to him long before we met. And it was given back when she asked. She hasn't given us money or gifts for anything not even to help out with our wedding ...

Answer 1

The compassion I feel toward your mother in law is real after reading this, because she is mentally unstable or suffers from manic depression. If she is on medications, sometimes it exascerbates a "mania" like behavior... Almost as though you don't know who's coming to see you even if its just one person.

She could also be "self medicating" and its turning her for a loop. Look at this web site to see if it gives you any clues here: http://www.breggin.com

You cannot fix her, its not your job to fix her nor is it your husbands. He is a man now, not a boy. Its time for him to stop the denial about his own mother and accept that its not normal behavior.


I believe you have to sit with your husband and have a serious talk with him and make an agreement to cut off all ties or if he doesn't to see a marriage councilor or therapist to make an agreement on how to handle your MIL or your marriage will suffer.

Give your husband an ultimatium... Its either me or her, because enabeling his mother to be a part of your life is like a boat out at sea that is sinking and you have to throw someone off to survive... Who would it be?

Its that serious...

Your MIL is ruining any chances of reconciliation for her sake or if you have children... How horrible for her not to be in their lives because of her unstable behavior and abuse.

My grandmother was like your MIL. She abused me and got caught doing it when I was 12 years of age. My Uncle and Aunt heard the entire thing and I was throwing up from the anxiety of her verbal abuse... They were very mad at her, but she was on medications that caused her mania. I wouldn't be surprised if that is what's going on with your MIL, because she is looking to latch onto your life and her son to have a co dependency of hell.

DNA, genes or whatever, does not give someone an excuse for abuse. Cut her off!

Answer 2

The answer is no, you don't have to have a relationship with your MIL. It sounds like she is controlling and may have some mental or emotional problems.
You and your husband both should give her a warning that if she doesn't control her behaviors that you will have no choice but to cut her out of your lives and then do it.
If she shows up at your house acting a fool, make her leave. Call the police if you have too. If she calls you up and is screaming and acting crazy, hang up on her and take the phone off the hook if necessary.
Under no circumstance accept money or any gifts from her as she will then think she is entitled to behave any way she pleases and you will feel obligated to her.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Since her and your husband do not get along and based on behavior she sounds like she needs medication and has a lot of mental issues. So I would say it would be in everyone best interest for you and your husband to leave her alone and live your life. Unless she is under doctors care and even then she will go off on a tirade if you do not pass the salt quick enough. Do you really want this drama in your life. Enjoy your new home and make sure you change your phone number.

Answer 4

My suggestion is give her the 10K back, even if you need it, even if it means you will have to wait on getting a house. If not she will always have that on you. She can say she had to help her son get a home because he couldn't afford it on his own, she will always pull that out when ever she wants to get her way about something.

If your hubby and you don't like her, don't hang out with, don't let her try to run your life.

My MIL has disowned my disabled daughter, and tries to spoil my other children. The best thing I have ever done and my hubby has ever done is stand up to her and tell her what we think of her. She wasn' t happy, things have only improved some what but we feel better.

Answer 5

I am the luckiest man as my in laws live on the other side of the earth and do not speak any english. But the stories she tells my wife make me crawl into a corner and shake.

Oh to answer your ?

I would see if your husband can sit down his mom and have a talk. If that doesn't work try to have a clergy there or a shrink to moderate and stay away from negative statements like I hate when. but rather say It hurts me when.

GL But this is something your husband has to take care of NOW.

Answer 6

You are married to your husband not her. She continues this behavior because you allow it. It needs to stop and she needs to be put in her place.....no questions asked. She has been able to cross the line and now it is way out of hand. I would put a stop to it.Grow up and stop taking money from your parents. No one helped us buy a home, we did alone. As long as you take they will think they have a say. We bought our house with no money down.There are a lot of programs out there. This woman needs to be stopped. It seems like no one has a back bone to do it. Don't ask her opinion, or for her help. Don't call, and screen your calls. You guys need to set the boundaries and stick to them. It's your life not hers.No one can treat you that way unless YOU allow it. So, as long as you do........that's the life your gonna have.

Answer 7

If she is being cruel to you for no apparent reason, and she is affecting your marriage, then YES! Cut her out of both of your lives. Apparently, even your husband doesn't get along with her either so the good thing is that ya'll agree. She should stop acting like the both of you owe her something because ya'll don't. She definately isn't worth keeping around so stop her while you can.
Best of luck!

Answer 8

First thing you need to do is to quit accepting gifts, ie. money, from her. As long as you are doing this, she thinks she has a say so in your relationship. After that, quit giving her a say so in anything and just back away from her. Tell her this is your life and you are going to live it the way you want to and if she doesn't like it, she can kiss your a $ $. :)

Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Damn, she's a psycho. Drop her and cut all ties before you end up divorced. Of course, your husband has to make his own call on his part of it, since that IS his mother. I wouldn't want anything to do with her if I were you. Don't answer the phone when she calls, don't answer the door when she comes over.

Answer 10

what an obnoxious woman. Maybe this her way to try to drive the two of you apart so she can say she was right and get her little boy back.

call her and let her know she isn't welcome without your husband home. Then when she shows up and you are alone you can refuse to answer the door or leave.

if she comes over and hubby is home you can let her nag him for a while.

i don't envy you.