My 9 year old daughter wants to shave her hair?

Question

Lets just say my nine year old daughter definately has a mind of her own and doesn't follow anyone. She has been bugging my husband and I that she wants to shave her hair, not totally bald but basically. She has asked to the point of where she is crying about it.

I really don't want to let her and neither does my husband because she is such a pretty girl. I let my kids dress how they like (as long as it's appropriate) and wear their hair how they like, because I want them to be there own person.

But I just don't know what to do about this, she is super smart so she knows what it will look like and knows she will be stuck with it until it grows out.

What do you guys think? I can't think of any reason really to give her besides, I wouldn't like it. And she really doesn't care what other kids say and she is well liked at school.

I have already used the people will think you are sick thing, she says she will just tell them she is not.

I don't really think it is a cry for help, I know my daughter well, she is a middle child though so it could be an attention thing.

I really think she just wants the style, if you knew my daughter you would get why she would want to do it. Her favorite color is black, she plays the guitar, writes stories and draws alot. Very dark and funny sense of humor, she is in all the advanced classes in school. Her whole attitude about it is "what is so bad about it?"

dr. deth ha ha we already tried that one!

And as far as the rebellion thing, no my husband and I don't see it that way, our own style isn't considered totally mainstream anyway. That is why my kids have minds of their own.

sheloves....you are right. I just don't want to see her get made fun of or anything like I was because I didn't dress or wear my hair like all the other kids did. But this was when I was a teenager not nine.

I do let my kids wear their hair how they like, they just haven't asked for this particular style til now. I guess I am just worried about other kids being mean, she doesn't seem to be worried though.

Answer 1

"It WILL grow back." :) Normally I'd say there's no way I'd let her do it, but it sounds like she's pretty headstrong (no pun intended). Why not let her go much shorter first and see if she likes that? By taking her to a professional hairstylist, you may be able to find a style that's a compromise. If not, let her shave it. It WILL grow back. And hey, if she's a pretty girl, she'll be able to pull it off. Sinead O'Connor and Natalie Portman could do it. :)

Answer 2

Is your only objection to the hair style *or lack there of* because you guys really don't want to see her hack off all her pretty hair? Or would you not mind, if she was just a bit older.

If you really don't mind, just you mind the fact of her being so young you could do what alot parents do with ear piercings and whatnot, tell her that you understand she wants it now but you really feel she should be older. Then set an AGE limit. Something she can look forward to. Like her 13th birthday or whatever you agree on.

If she survived with the buzz wig *an idea I had had as well* and she really wants it and your only object is that you would rather not see it on her, AND you really value your kids opinions and let them have control *to an extent* over their wardrobe/hair style etc, then maybe let her do it. You've given her this sense of self that lets her say I want what I want and I don't care what others think of me and that is WONDERFUL. Too many kids are soo concerned about "fitting in" and looking like everyone else, that it is nice to see a kid with a "healthy" sense of being "different".

I would however check with the school, JUST to make sure they won't cause a big fat hairy deal about it. And if they will and you think thats bunk so you can be prepared to fight the system. I know lots of schools are cracking down on "unappropriate" or "distracting" dress and hairstyles, and they MIGHT find that a shaved head on a young girl falls into that category.

Good Luck

Answer 3

I think if she is as smart as you say she is then she knows what she really wants, and if she does it and doesn't like it it will grow back eventually...it's not like it's permananent or anything...otherwise let her do it in a slow progression, start with a short haircut, then go to a longer buzz cut there are different lengths on the razors at the beauty salons that you can use. and have her work up to the shaved head. My son wanted a mohawk and I thought it was a bad idea, but I finally gave in and he loved it, he's kept it for about 8 months now, and has decided he thinks its time to cut it "normal" again. It's probably a phase and once you let her do it she'll be happy to let it grow back out.

Answer 4

Have you asked her why she wants to do it? I know for the longest time I wanted to do the same thing. I was annoyed with my hair, it bothered me, I didn't like doing anything with it, and it constantly got in my way, hanging down, always having to be pulled back, and I thought for sure that I wanted to just shave it and not worry about it anymore. But I compromised, I got a very short haircut, I still had hair, but it was short enough not to really bother me anymore. I know now I don't have a pretty enough head for that, but there were a couple of girls in school that had shaved heads, no one ever made fun of them, just mentioning that.

Does she have short hair? If not why not talk to her about a compromise, maybe getting her hair shorter then she normally would instead of completely shaving it all off. Talk to her and tell her while you understand that's what she wants to do, you just don't think it would be appropriate with her going to school and all that, it may actually be a distraction to her and to other students.

Answer 5

Plain and simple, no means no. When she keeps asking over and over just calmly reply once that she already has your answer and ignore any whine that follows. When she's older she can enjoy more choices along with more responsibility. She needs to accept your authority as parents. If you don't do the whole authority thing like we do, then maybe you can tell her that if she still wants it come summer you will let her choose her hair style. My son loves his hair longer which I let him do in the summer. Come school, he is to have a clean and respectable look. But this way, if it's a phase then hopefully it will pass.

Answer 6

I think subconciously you and your husband might not want her to do it because of the stigma that is attached to young ppl shaving their heads ie. rebellion.
That is a logical reason as any to forbid her to do it. She will be looked at by ppl as trying to be rebellious or get attention in a neg. way. regardless if shes smart nice and well liked.
Just imagine what you would think of the neighbors well behaved lil girl if she did that.
That said ..you are the adult and its a good opportunity to show her that while alot of things are not all bad..not all things are beneficial either. Be firm and eventually she'll out grow it. But giving in just this time might get her used to calling all the shots with her personal appearance starting at such a young age.

Answer 7

Of course she can! Your daughter is embarrassed by her own body, and it should not be so! I started shaving my armpits when I was 8 (early puberty) and my legs when I was nine. It's her body; she knows when she's ready to make the leap from unshaven to shaved. I would have been very upset with my mother if she hadn't let me shave off that unsightly armpit hair when I was young. Again, her body, her right.

Answer 8

Answer would be no, from your statements, I really don't see a valid reason other then she wants to do it, she is 9 and not all 9 year olds know what is best for them.

More so your the parent you don't have to give her a reason why, I am not sure why you think you should negotiate over something like this.
However it's just my opinion. I think you need to look at the big picture.

Answer 9

If she really wants to do it, let her. Let her experience first hand the teasing and what not that she'll get from it. However, before she buzzes it off, have her donate her hair to cancer patients. At least some good will come out of it.

... so when she comes home crying about how the kids are teasing her, this is when you can use the 'parental' "i told you so" - so when next time she wants to do something drastic, you can remind her of this experience.

good luck.

Answer 10

It is only hair and it is a temporary change. I took my hair down to 1/2 inch spikes when I decided to stop bleaching my hair. If she is a super smart kid maybe she is testing your dedication to your ideals of letting your kids do what they want style wise. My kids have had every color of the rainbow in their hair(depending on the school system we were in) and all kinds of styles. It has not stopped them from getting good grades, being in sports and clubs and being thought well of. Good luck.