fiance's family?

Question

I am getting very frustrated about wedding arrangements!!! my fiance is german and comes from a VERY large family. I understand that he wants all of his family to be at our wedding but I am a very simple person and do not want a big-to-do which is what his family expects. We currently have a very small budget and so we really cannot do anything big. I just want a dress and my best friend to stand with me, my parents and a couple of close friends there, while he wants pretty mucha nyone he has met since elementary schoola nd 5 groomsmen! he is so very sweet about it and i love that he is actually trying to help with my planning but I don't know how to break it to him that we cannot do all that he is thinking of - and that i dont really even want any of that.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Its not just your day, its his day too. You both need to be open minded. Instead of inviting everyone he's met since elementatary maybe just invite his family.

Answer 2

Present him with a summary of what is possible on your budget. Tell him that if wants more guests, more food, better venue, or whatever then he's going to have to finance it himself. Make it clear that picking up the tab does NOT equal taking control of the plans and decisions.

I know that isn't what you want to hear. You want to hear "This is YOUR big day and you should insist on having the kind of wedding you want." But consider that in his family it must be very important to have all your relations there to see your handsome (or beautiful daughter) get married. If this is important to his family and you insist on depriving them of it, they will never stop resenting you. If his family is willing to foot the bill, give the big wedding they want; you don't want to start your marriage by fighting with your new in-laws. Besides, if you give in on this it will give you a lot of leverage to demand your own way in little things. Number of attendants for instance ;)

Answer 3

you need to compromise and make sure he understands and agrees to the budget boundaries.
or else you need to postpone your wedding until you can afford to have it.
Until I started multiplying the per-person price against 100, 150, and 200 people, plus tax & gratuity, my Fiance didn't quite see the reality of the situation either.
if you don't want a big to-do, perhaps you could settle for cake and hors d'ourves in an affordable hall (maybe church hall if you are getting married in a church). This way your expenses would be low but you could invite anyone you wish.

Answer 4

Tell him about the budget situation and that a small budget cannot support a large wedding. Try to meet him in the middle.

Answer 5

Tell him what you wrote here! Let him know that you always pcitured your special day to be small and intimate. And if his family expects the big to do then they should be contributing to the budget! Have you thought about having a destination wedding? Then you can have that and have all the people that want to be there, there!

Answer 6

Try speaking with him , tell him how you feel about your budget and that you would like to stick with in reason , If he just wont budge try calling around for a wedding planner with in the limits of course and she will sit the two of you down and she will hear both end's of the story so she can work around your budget. Good luck.

Answer 7

Compromise! I think that your ideal wedding of 20 or 30 people sounds too small and unreasonable. His ideal wedding of 200+ sounds unrealistic as well. Split the difference with 100 people. The wedding isn't just about the bride, despite people saying that all of the time on here. It is about the groom as well and you should respect that he wants something large and festive, not small.

Answer 8

As for your feelings about the size, you need to tell him gently how you feel. As for the money, you need to shoe it to him on paper. Start with your budget amount at the top and then start subtracting everything that you'll need for the wedding. He'll get the message.

Answer 9

You don't "break" it to him - just talk to him and tell him how you feel. Surely he is as aware of your financial situation as you are. I told my husband right off the bat that I did not want to have a "real" wedding - and he was fine with that. We had an informal and untraditional out-of-town wedding. If your fiancé doesn't know how you feel, how is he supposed to take your feelings into account? Talk to him.

Answer 10

just sit down and talk to him about it. just let him know that your not comfortable with sooo many people. then let him know that soon after your wedding that yall can plan on taking a trip to see his family and share pictures and videos and stories with them. or make like a slide show with music and stuff and send it to em. that would actually be a really cool gift to send them and they'd really appreciate it. hopefully he will understand, but you have to remember that its his big day too. good luck with it all!

Answer 11

He may have to offer to help more financially. If he wants all these extra people it's really not fair for you to have to pay extra to invite them. He has to understand that every person you invite has to be accounted and paid for - so the more guests, the more money. Just explain that to him.

But don't forget that this is his wedding too, and you can't jus say "I don't want that" and get your way. You have to compromise - welcome to married life.