2007-11-02 05:28:49 · 12 answers · asked by sowingtheseed 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Poor old Jonah! After his terrible ordeal, he finally turned up at his house to be greeted at the front door by his wife who said; "you have been gone 3 days and you turn up here dripping wet and smelling like fish, What whale of a tale do you expect me to swallow this time?
2007-11-02 06:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by mandbturner3699 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Three preachers were having lunch in the local cafe: a Baptist, a Presbyterian, and a Methodist. The Baptist preacher was complaining because a family of squirrels had taken up residence in the church attic, and were making a mess all over the church at night when no one was there.
The Presbyterian preacher said that they had the same problem, except with bats in their bell tower. They had tried everything they could think of, even hiring an exterminator, and it had done no good. The Baptist preacher said that they had tried an exterminator, also, and had also had no luck.
The Methodist preacher told them that the Methodist church had had the same problem a few months back, with both squirrels and bats, but they had gotten rid of them. The Baptist and Presbyterian preachers immediately asked what method the Methodists had employed to get rid of the pesky critters.
"One Sunday morning we gathered up all the bats and squirrels," said the Methodist preacher, "brought them to the altar, baptized them and made them members of the church. Not a one of them has been back since."
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2007-11-02 12:37:02 · answer #2 · answered by Stranger In The Night 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This may not be a Christian joke, but it is connected. When Karl Marx died, he was sent to hell. Iin hell, he created trade uninons, and officer in hell became fed up with Marx, so he requested the Officer in heaven to keep him there for couple of days so that he could put hell in order. Many days passed, and the heaven officer never asked hell officer to take Marx back. Much later, the hell officer could not contain curiosity, and asked the heaven officer about marx. There upon, the heaven officer said, Marx, he is such a good man! He should not be in hell! Hell officer asked, how about God? will he not become angry? Heaven officer replied, God, what God? There had already been a revolution and God is in prison!!
2007-11-02 12:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Girishkumar TS 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I remember one time when a bunch of Christians were at McDonald's offering Big Macs to those who would listen to them speak BS for half-an-hour. I went in for a leak as I can't stand McDonald's "food", as I was leaving the toilet some big burly Christian gentleman grabs me by the shoulder and asks me if I want a Big Mac, to which I replied "No thanks, I like my arteries un-clogged", then I walked off, and went to Subway to have free drink re-fills.
The moral of the above is to not go to a McDonald's for a leak, but instead do it around the back of the place.
2007-11-02 12:41:15 · answer #4 · answered by The Return Of Sexy Thor 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes, I have a very funny Christian joke. But it's very offensive and I won't tell it here. Sorry.
2007-11-02 12:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by MR TT, VT enthusiast 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Atheist is in the forest-appreciating nature. Turns around to see a Grizzly bear. Mistakenly starts running. Bear chases. Looks back...bear is getting closer. Looks again and the bear swipes the atheist's legs...knocking him to the ground. As the bear raises its paw to land the deadly swipe the atheist says "OH GOD!" Everything freezes and the atheist finds himself standing before Jesus. "After denying Me for so long..is it really appropriate to call on Me now? Jesus asks. The atheist thinks about it and says.."you're right...its too late to convert and accept You now..but do me a favor. Make the bear a Christian."
In the next moment the atheist is back under the bear and the bear is raising his paw...and then brings his paw down to meet his other one, bows his head and says "Father God, I thank you for this food...."
2007-11-02 12:35:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Did you know that Joseph was the most henpecked man in history? It says so in the bible. It says Mary rode his azz all the way to Bethlehem.
2007-11-02 12:33:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
3 monkeys having a farting competition. the smelliest fart wins.
1st one farted, every one sighed.
2nd one farted, all says it stinks.
3rd one farted, and Jesus in the cross on the wall suddenly comes alive to squeeze his nose with his thumb and index finger even though he was crucified.
2007-11-02 12:38:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, but I know a funny video.
It's called "I like big bibles and I can't lie."
Godtube.com
2007-11-02 12:36:11 · answer #9 · answered by DA01 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They fall through the holes in his hands.
2007-11-02 12:35:42 · answer #10 · answered by brighty 3 · 7⤊ 1⤋