GUYS/MEN ONLY ANSWER THIS: how can girl be HONEST wit guy W/O SCARING HIM wit thoughts of COMMITMENT??

Question

its very early in the relationship but im unsure as to where we stand. i met him at a party and since then we've been hooking up on the weekends (3 times thus far - no sex). hes very sweet and respectful but due to the fact that hes gorgeous and older and has a lot of school work -> its VERY possible this is JUST a hookup. i love hanging out with him just as friends (i don't just go to hook up wit him, we hang out a lot as friends before we make out) and i worry that if i make this awkward and start scaring him with thoughts of a serious relationship he'll probly say 'im not looking for that rite now' and then we'll probly not hang out as friends anymore - just cuz it'll be awkward. how can i find out where we stand and wat he wants without putting him on the spot and making him think im ready for some serious relationship. i know they say the girl should never ask the guy about this cuz it scares him away.. what should i do to figure out where we stand and what he wants out of this?

**Keep in mind we're in college --> the ultimate hookup SCENE.. making this situation even harder to feel out**

BTW/FYI when i said we hang out as friends - i mean we hang out only on wknds, but we always end up hooking up after we 'hang out'

Answer 1

You really can't bring up the subject of commitment, because it's likely that he doesn't want one, at least not yet. Especially being in college, this is likely considered a "friends with benefits" situation, or even just a hookup. That doesn't mean it might not turn into more, but now is way too early to say anything to him... you're right, it would then make your "hanging out" come to an end.

Answer 2

What's unclear here is what do you want?

You really don't have much of a relationship so the whole question of commitment is totally premature. I don't want to be mean but I have a strong urge to say grow up kid.

Just chill out and enjoy each others company. Take some time to talk. Give him a chance to tell you what's going on in his head before you take things to another level.

If you want to know what he is thinking, do it the old fashion way -spend some time together and build a relationship instead of expecting everything to instantaneously falling into place. The only thing that happens fast is casual sex, that's not bad but if want more you'll have to invest the time and effort -and most of all take a chance on failing. In the end he might not be the right guy for you.

Answer 3

Sex is the ultimate way to mess up a relationship. Ask him what he wants from the relationship. It seems to me he has a weekend score and that is all. Without intimacy and sharing of feelings and expectations it is just sex. Ask him what the relationship means to him. If he tells you "I'm not looking for that now", all he wants is the sex. Have pride in yourself as a woman. Find a guy that wants to be with you,(not sexually) during the week as well. College doesn't have to be a constant hookup. There is a guy for you out there that will care for and love you without sex.

Answer 4

Dear,
To find out where you stand is gonna take some time. You have to get to know one another as it happens. You could try making up a questionnaire to see if you're compatable for longer term relationships, but it'd hardly be practical. Folks don't EVEN see themselves as others see them.

Making out is natural and fun, but it is sexually frustrating. Its like, so to speak, getting all dressed up with nowhere to go. And that is probably the root of your anxiety about how deep your relationship is. You don't want to have sex and then have it turn out to be the only thing that you have in common. And that's a smart thing. He does want to have sex, but unless he is an extraordinary person, would much prefer at this stage for it to be "casual".

So what's a person to do? Presuming the guy has a brain and isn't just a knuckle-dragger, I think that the smart thing is for you to do is speak to the guy directly and succinctly about this issue. A good time might be about the time things start to get heated up while making out. Back off, and say, "Hey, I'm turned on and you're turned on, but we need to find out what else we have in common first. Sex is about as addicting a thing as there is, and I'd rather not go that far until I can see that we share enough other things, and care enough about one another that it doesn't become a heartache. If you and he are secure/mature/toughened or (heaven forbid!) de-sensitized enough to have casual sex without risking psychic trauma than all this is unnecessary. Your post doesn't sound like it though.

Sorry if this is too intellectual, but I'm an old man and a father. I've seen more heartache from folks carried away by their bodily juices than you want to know. I have seen love too, and it's grand. But love is patient, kind, and very reluctant to see the loved one's happiness endangered. As trite as is sounds, love waits.

Good on ya. I hope it all works out.

Answer 5

Tell him how much you enjoy being with him. Tell him things like that, compliment him when he says or does great things. Very casual stuff. See how he responds in turn. He might be wondering whether you feel strongly about him too. So, give him hints about what you are enjoying. Don't ask him how he feels that would be pressure. Then, see how it goes for a couple of months. You know, if he makes a point of being with you at Christmas or or New Years (if travel is involved), I would say you are on your way to developing a relationship. Make sure you want a commitment too. Keep your options open.

Answer 6

If you sleep with him and just start nagging him and not letting him hang out with friends, he will be distracted by sex and next thing he knows he is in a relationship. Once the relationship is on you should get knocked up on the sly and them you got him hooked for life.

Answer 7

YOU are sending mixed signals to him by "hooking up"
If you want a serious relatiuonship casual sex is not the answer. He's getting it without making any commiments and neither are you.
If casual sex is all you want......fine.
You need to grow up a little if you want him to respect you.

Answer 8

Start talking about how hot one of his friends is, and that you might be interested. You will know in about 5 seconds how pretty boy feels about you. We all want what we can't have. DO you understand how to play the game?

Answer 9

You cant.
And you should become accustomed to being careful with how much you share but have some comfort - a man will let you know how much you can tell him. It needs time.

Answer 10

making out is considered hooking up? i thought it was just making out, who cares. ask him, hey, is this just fun for you? be real cool about it and play it off either way, after all, its college the ultimate hook up scene right? you'll find another guy by.....today.