my sister is getting married in february. our parents are divorced and my dad is in a great situation, very financially comfortable but with a new family and raising his wife's kids. my sister has all her deposits due soon for her wedding and had to ask our dad if he was contributing as he has said nothing about it so far. he said he has too much tied up in his business and family to contribute. she figures he is being cheap and doesn't care. they are now not speaking because she feels that since he never paid child support and was a bad father when she was young...he owes her. she is saying she is not inviting him to the wedding. she wants advice from me.........i am torn between the two of them. should she still invite my dad even if he says he won't pay and doesn't care?
2007-11-02 04:00:45 · 21 answers · asked by Mary May 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i should add.....he said he doesn't care. he was so insulted she asked that he said he didn't care if he went. she just doesn't want to close any doors for a future relationship for when they have children.
2007-11-02 04:17:00 · update #1
As hard as it may be, years after the wedding is over will she look back and regret not having her Dad there? We can't pick and chose our families but they are still our family. Sometimes even though we are the younger ones and expect more from someone who is older, we have to be the bigger person. You never know, with his new family and business maybe his $ is tied up. Perhaps she could approach him and say I understand you have lots of new responsibilities now but if there is anyway that you can help me out, or give me a loan without interest it would really mean a lot to me and help a tremendous amount. Chances are she may not get a penny from him but maybe they can get along. Also as sad as it might be once we are adults we really aren't owed anything. Help her to try to make peace with her Dad. A wedding should be so happy and exciting, don't let it get clouded over. You just never know, maybe he is planning on giving her a nice wedding gift and wants it to be a surprise. When someone feels like something is being demanded of them they tend to shut down and not want to help. You never know.
I hope all the best for all of you!!
Added note: Maybe he was just surprised and hurt by her reaction. We all say things we don’t actually mean when we get hurt and then often times to proud to say sorry. Help her to be the one that says sorry if for nothing else but to regain the peace.
2007-11-02 04:18:23 · answer #1 · answered by Eternalsilence 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should invite him because he's her father. I have divorced parents and my dad never paid child support either. However, I have been thinking ahead for myself and decided that he does need to be there for providing me with genes BUT he does not need to walk her down the aisle or be involved in wedding ceremonies. This is my opinion and my plan for the future. And I'd also like to say I'm sorry that the dad is such a dick about his family. I've been through that too. You have to be the better person though by inviting him but really just as a guest and not a part of the family.
2007-11-02 11:05:51 · answer #2 · answered by S 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
These days, you shouldn't assume that parents are pitching in.
If your Dad never paid child support, why would she think he should help pay for her wedding?
It was not inappropriate for her to ask, but she got her answer. Although it was not an answer she liked, she has no reason to be angry over it (it is not like he offered then reneged later).
The only part I don't understand is why your father doesn't care? Or is your sister inferring he doesn't care because he is not opening up his wallet?
Your sister needs to get over expecting things of your father - he's proven a few times from what you say that he's not financially helping either of you. If she wants her father to have a part in her life, she needs to invite him to the wedding.
2007-11-02 11:46:48 · answer #3 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, not a good place for you to be in. I have to start off by saying parents are not required to give money. A lot do, but some cannot. I would tell my sister that it is her wedding. If your father being there is going to ruin her day for her, then do not invite him. She is going to have to do some soul searching and decide if she really wants to shut all the doors. Best of luck!
2007-11-02 11:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by vaya 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of the middle of it.
It sounds like your father wasn't that involved since he didn't pay child support but I could be wrong. Did she ask her father to contribute to the wedding before she started making arrangements? If she did and then he said yes, then there will be an issue. If she just assumed that was going to help her out with the wedding, then she has only herself to blame.
It's not your problem so don't play the go between between them and injury your relationship with your father.
2007-11-02 11:32:48 · answer #5 · answered by tohumanity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was and am in the same situation as she is. My father was never around for me and my brother and he never paid child support as well. When I told my family I was getting married and told them I was not going to call him or invite him they all told me to invite him anyway. I was nice enough to call him and let him know and he is "saying" he is going to help me with my invitations, limo and my dress, so far I haven't seen a penny but we still have a few weeks but tell her to be nice enough to at least give him a invitation and just leave it alone about what happened in the past. You have to learn to forgive, maybe not forget but at least move on in your life, you will feel better. Hope this helps some.
2007-11-02 11:27:56 · answer #6 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He already answered that he does not want to contribute anything to the wedding, but perhaps if she asked him to walk her down the aisle, it would be an opening for a better relationship between all of your family members. A wedding is not the time to dig up old problems, he may not feel that he owes any of you anything, but he is still your father. My heart goes out to all of you in this situation.
2007-11-02 11:12:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, she is being childish. Secondly a parent doesn't OWE you any money towards your marriage... Now in modern times if the bride and groom's family do not have the means to help or offer to help... then it is the responsiblity of the bride and groom to pay for it...
Tell her to grow up and invite her father to the wedding and quit acting like a spoiled brat.
2007-11-02 11:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by daniegirl917 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hurt , but just invite him and make the occassion be a happy one without anger ! As he is the father, I think to invite him in such an occasion would make the wedding more meaningfull - rather than the other way arround !
2007-11-02 11:20:13 · answer #9 · answered by Tanya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't be asking her dad at all; adults these days pay for their own wedding.
Of course she should invite him to attend.
The business about the old child support should have been handled by her mom, not for her to deal with now.
2007-11-03 09:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋