Both MEN AND WOMEN! PLEASE READ! Does this 30 year old have a crush on me? (I'm 15!)?

Question

I do karate and I am an instructor's assistant. So, like a year ago a guy came in and started learning with us but only recently I started teaching him like 6 mos. ago one on one even though Iv'e known him this whole time. Anyway, this guy is really nice, but kindof delayed a little, lifewise, NOT mentally. Like he still has a really low-paying job, not married, lives with parents, etc. Anyway, but he's been really friendly to me over the past few months. Like he holds doors open for me and offers me rides (I don't), and he always wants to be my partner at karate, and he will come over and hit me playfully, and like flex his arms and tells me to feel them. I don't mind at all, I just think he's kindof old to be playing like that with a 15 year old. Anyway, do you think this guy has a crush on me? Please tell me anything you think I should know. Oh and its not like everyone's mean to him so he warms up to me, everyone is nice to everyone there. And he's never talked about a GF. Thanks!

Also, I am NOT trying to brag, but I am known at karate for being one of the best, flexible, and the best teacher under our Sensei. And I have a lot of guys who have crushes on me, so I don't know if that would have anything to do with it?

Yes, I look a little older than my age even though I am only 5'2, really short. But like sometimes he will call saying sorry if he missed karate.

Yeah, he is nicer to me that everyone there. Like is nice to everyone, but a lot nicer and acts more like a closer friend to me. DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN TO PEOPLE, WHERE SOMEONE A LOT OLDER LIKES SOMEONE A LOT YOUNGER?

ALSO, HE LOOKS WAY YOUNGER THAN HE IS- HE COULD PASS FOR ABOUT 20 AND VERY GOOD LOOKING. SO I ASSUME YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT, HE PROBABLY THINKS OF HIMSELF AS YOUNGER.

ALSO, HE LOOKS WAY YOUNGER THAN HE IS- HE COULD PASS FOR ABOUT 20 AND VERY GOOD LOOKING. SO I ASSUME YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT, HE PROBABLY THINKS OF HIMSELF AS YOUNGER.

Answer 1

Regardless of how he may our may not feel, the answer is still pretty much the same. Just stay your course and do what you're there to do; teach. If he's polite to you, nothing wrong with accepting the politeness. Though it's a good idea to not accept rides or any gifts. Maybe a few simple things are ok, but not anything in any regularity or costs a lot of money. But if some things make you uncomfortable, then you'll probably want to avoid situations like that. Try to involve others with your interactions to keep it from being just the two of you.

I started teaching karate when I was 17 and taught regularly for 7 years. And during that time, there were a few "questionable" signals/actions from some younger and older students; a few parents too. Basically I use to just shrug it off like it was nothing, feign ignorance, and/or change the subject in conversations. Not in a rude way, but in an innocent, polite, and professional way.

If he always asks to be your partner, simply say "we were partners last, as an instructor I have to participate with every one. Maybe next time." That sets a precedent that you can always use to slowly cut back the amount of interaction with him. It also helps reinforce the idea and boundary that you're an instructor and he's a student. To make it seem natural though, you probably shouldn't avoid him altogether. He still is a student that you have to teach.

If he comes over and play hits you, say something like "you know, you shouldn't hit the instructors here. We could totally kick your butts." Say it in a non-flirty way, but with a smile in a kinda goofy way and chuckle afterwards. It'll make it seem like you're kidding and by saying "instructors" and "butts" in the plural form, it shifts the focus of the conversion from you two to the instructors and students. Then change the subject again to something else.

Students also sometimes like to asks questions about you. Especially ones that might be interested. If this does happen, keep your answers short, simple, and maybe silly. Just because someone asks a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. A lot of times younger students would ask my age, I'd respond by holding up some fingers and saying "I'm this many". They keep asking, but I'd insist I was "this many". It was so stupid they couldn't help but laugh and it avoided the question.

With older students I'd like to answer with a question. "Why?", or "Why do you want to know?". In the case of age, "Why, how old do you think I am?" When they'd guess, I'd answer "no" to every answer, even the right one. Basically after a few times, other students would come up and do the same thing. It was like a game to them and it change the situation from a two person conversation to a group conversation.

Of course, if he does happen to cross certain lines, that is something that should be brought up to your parents and sensei. It's the sensei's job to keep the environment their students and instructors are in safe. Calling you is getting pretty close to that line. He shouldn't even have your phone number or email address.

Basically, this guy might be around for a while as a student. And you don't want to create a zone/feeling of anxiety or disdain between you two. Just try to minimize your interactions together. Don't show any interest, but don't show any disinterest. Eventually he'll realize that nothing will happen and he'll back off some. This is the long way to deal with it, but it has the best outcome considering the environment you two are in. He's still a student and you're still an instructor. And as one of the teaching staff, you're the one to have to maintain that.

Good luck with it, hope it all works out.

Answer 2

I don't think this is normal in anyway that a 30 year old man likes a 15 year old girl. I am in my 30's and definately don't look at any guys under 30 at least. He really should be with women his own age. I am in my mid 30's and not married. I was in a 10 year relationship though. I don't live with my parents either. I wouldn't want to. At his age he should live on his own. Maybe he had a child once. Have you ever asked him that? If he had any children at all? Maybe look at him like a Big Brother or something. Remain Friends ONLY. You need to be careful and use your intuition about him. He is 15 years older than you. Maybe ask him if he has a g/f. Ask him some questions. I personally think he has a mental problem.

Answer 3

Tell Sensei and keep away from this pervert. I have taken all manner of martial arts and love it, this has been my passion for years. I think he is trying to get closer to you. I was the only guy in class who could do the splits but I didn't run around hitting on all the girls. Be careful

Answer 4

30 year old men have no business flirting with minors. It's that simple. Let your sensei know you're uncomfortable with his flirting. Your sensei should have a talk with him and straighten things out. If the guy gets his feelings hurt, too bad for him. He's 30 years old...he should be able to handle it.

Answer 5

Yes, lots of older men are attracted to younger women and visa versa but most of the time its for the wrong reasons. He is just flirting, and he probably doesn't know your real age. If he starts to bother you or is, then just tell him straight that your 15 and it bothers you that he is flirting with you. If he has an ounce of decency in him he will stop.

Answer 6

Most grown men have fantasies about teens.

He does have a crush on you- I'd watch it. Playing around with him is considered flirting to him, and he may go mental if you suddenly break it off or tell him you have a boyfriend.

Just be careful honey, I've been attacked more than once- some men can be totally crazy.

Answer 7

Most of the answers this far are good. I would Try not to be his partner all the time. Make him switch. Alert the master instructor to what you feel. Trust your sences if it feels akward or strange it most likely is. This person hase a problem it is not yours to solve. Please never be alone with this guy. He is starting to fit a profile that is not good. Alert your parents as well as the school.

Answer 8

You need to ask yourself this question -- what on earth would a 30 year old man WANT with a 15 year old kid? I know you don't think of yourself as a "kid" but you are. Why isn't a 30 year old man hanging out with friends his own age? There's something seriously wrong if he's after you.........he will probably end up in jail if it doesn't stop NOW. Ted Bundy (serial killer) was a real charmer too!!!

Answer 9

how about this, it doesn't matter. you need to stay away from him. he is twice your age and you are too young to make informed decisions. it is also illegal for a reason. he is being inappropriate and you need to inform an adult immediately. and don't ever accept a ride from him. my poor dear friend a few years ago accepted a ride from a 20 year old (she was 19) and he raped her and he seemed like such a nice guy. she has never gotten over it and gained about 60 lbs and never ever leaves her house. it is horrible. protect yourself and future girls he may flirt with b/c he may have sinister intentions. you need to tell someone. immediately.

Answer 10

sounds like he is a little into you much more then he should be. i would ask about switching your class to a different time or day so you wont have to be around him. and let your instructor know about what is going on someone his age should not be like this with a 15 year old .