How can I tell my husband that his mum is not welcome in my parents house?

Question

Hi everyone,

I am pregnant ( 2nd month) and I want to go abroad to visit my family. My husband who is not able to travel with me wants his mum to go with me. When I told my family they did not like the idea, they are looking forward to my visit which will last for a month. My family asked me to try to avoid bringing his mum with me. How can I manage this situation. How can i tell my husband without hurting his feelings. His mum is very special to him and I don't want him to realise that she is not welcome.
I am looking forward to booking my ticket and fly home, pls help me solve this.

BIG THANK YOU

Thanks for your answers, but i would like to point that i can understand why my family did not like the idea, my sister has exams to prepare for and and others go to work , my mum is not feeling well and therefore she herself needs someone to look for her to to care for others

Thanks for your answers, but i would like to point that i can understand why my family did not like the idea, my sister has exams to prepare for and and others go to work , my mum is not feeling well and therefore she herself needs someone to look after her not to look after others

Thanks for your answers, but i would like to point that i can understand why my family did not like the idea, my sister has exams to prepare for and and others go to work , my mum is not feeling well and therefore she herself needs someone to look after her, not to look after others

Answer 1

I'd first ask WHY he wants his mum to join you on a trip to see your family... then you might have a better idea of how to handle this - if he's worried about your safety, reassure him that your family is going to be taking good care of you.

What I would do though, from reading your post, it appears that your family is far away and his is close... I would explain that you are really looking forward to going home to see your family and spending time with them. Explain that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but this will probably be the last time that you can travel alone to see them and you are concerned about his mom going along - either she'll be inadvertantly ignored due to the excitement of seeing your family, or you'll be so concerned with taking care of her that you won't enjoy the trip. I would go so far as to say something like "honey, I know this is selfish of me and I'm sorry, but I really want to go see my family alone this time." There's no reason to hurt either of their feelings, and he's probably thinking that you wouldn't want to travel alone so he's being helpful.

Answer 2

I agree. Don't put yourself in the middle of this situation, because you will be the one in trouble no matter how you try to explain the situation. You will always be regarded as the bearer of this bad news, and your marriage is of the utmost importance to maintain.

Since your family lives abroad, they should be able to bear the heat of being the scapegoat better than you will. You are also pregnant, so you don't need the extra stress of a resentful husband right now. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that if people lived by the basic rules of ettiquette many problems written about on this site could be easily solved. The word is INVITATION. His mother was NOT invited. That is pure and simple the reason you tell your husband. Dont get into it. You will be fine going alone and there is medical care available I am sure where you are going should you need it.

Answer 4

If you are old enough to have a husband and a baby, you are old enough to figure this out. You can't simply use your mother in law for support as you travel out of the country, and then say oh btw, you aren't welcome. Simply be honest, tell her that your mother is ill and so you are going to put her up in a nearby hotel. Actually if your parents had any class, they would have suggested that and would pay for it. After all, your mother in law is standing in for your husband who is not able to accompany you, they should be thanking her for her generosity towards their daughter.

Answer 5

What do you want ; you tell us what everybody else wants but not what you want.
If you would like to go buy yourself then explain to husband you do not want to be distracted by his mother you rarely get to see your family and you might want to do things his mother would not like to do.You want your focus on your family and would not want to offend his mother which may occur.
If you want her to go then explain to your family that you would like the companionship of your mother in laws company during the travel and since your pregnant she is able to help you with your travel arrangements.

Everyone will understand but you need to decide what it is you want.

Answer 6

As much as they may not like her, this is inappopriate without a very strong reason. Personally, unless there were very solid grounds for this feeling, I would tell them you are not coming to visit.

Answer 7

Tell your family if they do not want your MIL to visit then they need to tell her this themselves and you are not their messenger and will not do this for them.

Answer 8

That is rude of your parents..have them tell her