Is it ok for a step parent to spank your kid?

Question

I married my husband two years ago. Before that, it was just my son and I and things were fine. He seemed to really get along with my son and my little boy liked him a lot. We got married and things were fine for awhile, but lately, since my daughter has been bornl, he has become stricter with him and more inclined to punish him for smaller things that I don't feel are important to merit more than a talking to. My son is a good boy, if a little whiney sometimes, and I am a loving mother, if a little too easy going sometimes, but it has worked for us. Now, I have allowed my husband, who wants to be a father and not a friend, to met out consequence, all except for spanking, which I do, but not hard and not often. I have told my husband not to spank my son, but he has done it a couple times recently. I am not happy about this, but am I not being fair? Maybe stop spankings altogether? Any advice, help, opinions would be most helpful and appreciated.

Answer 1

WOW!! I couldn't agree more with logicalanswer. She took the words out of my mouth.

There is only one thing that i would like to add. Is his biological father in the picture? If he is...then "step" father may have to be thrown into the situation...but that still doesn't mean that you can change the rules for each child just because of a difference in DNA. You are going to get resentment from your daughter if she gets spankings and her brother doesn't. Or resentment from your son there were certain rules for him and certain rules for her. YOU ARE A FAMILY UNIT!!

Hey I truly believe if you use this arrangement to you advantage...and make this as...3 parents instead of just 2 it is ONLY GOING TO BENEFIT YOUR SON. I truly believe the more people helping to raise a child the better off the child is. There is no such thing as too much love or instruction or guidance for a child. It can only benefit them to have another person loving and guiding them through life. They are lucky to have an ADDITIONAL PARENT in their life!

Answer 2

That is a touchy situation. But you are primarily your sons parent and if you do not want your husband to spank him there is no way that he should. If he continues to do so without your say-so then I would be worried. I'm not against spankings for certen kids but if you think your husband is not being fair then this form of discapline should be your resonsibility, not his. He can maybe give timeouts or take away some privaliges but he should discuss them with you first. Talk to your husband calmly about the way you feel. He'll most likely listen and hopefully respect your wishes. And I don't know how old your son is but there is an age where you stop giving spankings. I know a family that still spanked their daughter at 11, 12, 13 years old and that is insane! I hope this has helped some! Good luck!

Answer 3

Erin E

Wow what a screwed up mess… Why didn’t you and your future husband thoroughly and completely discuss his pending fatherhood, the son, and how discipline should be handled,, IE: spanking etc. Any man has the capability of being an excellent father to any child,, qualifying “ fatherhood” or not,, by sperm is ridiculous!

Of course the father is being more harsh,, with this dumb arrangement you set up!! “Now, I have allowed my husband, who wants to be a father and not a friend,,,” What IS wrong with you?? Did you think your son was gaining a older *buddy* or some such silly thing? Or,, your husband was gaining a really *young buddy*? They see and recognize each other as Dad and Son,, so why can’t you ??

You have a FAMILY UNIT, consisting of a Dad, Mother, and 2 children. Why can you NOT accept this concept?

First quit using the moronic saying “Step Parent”!!.. It is demeaning , demoralizing, and alienating to both the husband and son. I can NOT emphasis enough the wedge you are driving between your Husband and your son using this term and thinking !!! Your husband’s animosity toward your son will only get worse the longer this is allowed to continue!! And, your son (much later in life WILL HATE YOU) for ostracizing your Husband against your son.

Secondly, you and your Husband and father to two children whether you like and/or accept it or not,, need to have a long serious discussion about parenting. Whether spanking is acceptable discipline or not, and all aspects of parenting!

“but am I not being fair?” You are NOT THE JUDGE and JURY of this Family relationship !! You are only the mother, he is the FATHER! And, the two of you need to decide as 2 rational logical ADULTS what is “fair” and NOT “fair” in this family unit !!

Again in-case you don’t quite “get it”.

You are the mother, he is the father, and both of you together have 2 children. Do not differentiate between the two children in any thought, word, deed, treat them exactly the same in every conceivable situation, emotion, etc.

I couldn’t care less about the thumbs up, thumbs down,, or the ten points,,,

Stop immediately driving this ignorant “wedge” between your husband and your son.

THEY are FATHER and SON,, not just “buddies” with a huge age difference !

Understand !?!?!?!?!

Answer 4

Its hard to start in a relationship when you have a child. as a single parent we tend to be a bit protective. And we have a right to be. As far as spanking him no. He is not his father. To be a father or any parent is more than spanking. All he's going to do is push you son away. What he should try doing is talking to him and giving him consequenses when he is bad. (grounding, taking away things he likes) and explaining what he did wrong. And letting him know that you both will love him no matter what mistakes he has made. We all made and still make mistakes, that part of growing up. And also praising him when he is doing good. Not with mateiral things, words and a hug work just great. Remember he is a child who teaching are coming from the both of you. If you teach him in anger then you will raise and angry man. If you feel you son is doing wrong and your husband see it, then he should sit you down and talk to you about how to disapline him. This way you and your husband are part of the same team.There are different ways of dealing with his behavior. Find out what is causing his bad behavior. It could be a number of things, his age the change in his life, so many things. For awhile it was you and him. Now he is sharing you with two other people. This kind of change is hard on a child. You husband needs to find a common ground and build on that. Being a father figure or any figure is love understanding and disapline. You can't just disapline because your afraid of not being his friend. This is where you teach them the difference. But if all he's going to do is just disapline him this way then he will loose all respect for him and always be afriad to fail around him. You don't want that. You want him to be able to come to the two of you when he as questions or when he messes up. Not hide because he is afraid. Try talking to you husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you want your son and him to have a healthy relationship not a negative one.

Answer 5

You are not being fair. If he is to raise your son he should be able to discipline him like he will your daughter. Do not draw lines between the kids, they are the ones that will suffer. My husband and I married when my son was 2 and we had 2 more children. They are all treated the same and they all are our kids. You do not specify what he has gotten stricter about but things do change when there is a new baby. Some behavior that was excepted before now might not fit your new life with the new baby. You have to treat , discipline and love the kids equally.

Answer 6

i've got faith that a mothers and dads would desire to be a team whilst it comprises elevating infants. And this is going for step-mum and dad. in case you will improve them jointly then the two one in all you will desire to self-discipline them jointly. there could be situations the place the youngsters are no longer mushy getting spanked by using a step-make sure, yet i'd say in many circumstances they gets used to it and that they might desire to assessment to appreciate their stepmother or stepfather as much as their organic and organic guardian. i be attentive to of families that go away the spanking as much as only the organic and organic father and that i do no longer think of it extremely is a foul ingredient, yet i think of that if the step-make sure is left to look after the youngsters, like on your case, then they might desire to additionally be in fee of self-discipline. And a newborn performing like your youngest does sounds like they % a spanking. What you will desire to do although is undertake your husband's regulations and how he used to run his kin into your guy or woman, so as which you will nicely be unified. If he disciplines with a spanking, then you definately would desire to apply spanking yet be constructive you do it in an identical way that he does (and with a bit of luck he's doing it in a controlled way).

Answer 7

And maybe important factor is the age of the lad --- like, is he 4 years old, or 14? And how hard does your current spouse spank the lad? You admit your spankings would be "NOT hard". A 3 or 4 year old doesn't need many smacks, NOR very hard. If he is 10 or more, then if he deserves a spanking, it needs to be well felt -- though not abusive!
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Answer 8

I do not believe that your husband should be spanking or punishing your child. The only two people that have the right to do this is you and that boy's (biological) father. If he has a problem with your son for any reason, he needs to talk to you about it and allow you to handle the situation. That is a big "NO NO" for him to punish him and especially without your consent. You need to tell your husband in a nice way to "back off." Your son has to respect him as a step dad and if the step dad asks him to do something, then he should do it. If your son disobeys him, your husband needs to come to you about it and if you are not around, he needs to just leave him alone till you get home to deal with your boy yourself. -That is your boy, not his.

Answer 9

Maybe you're husband is worried that your son might be a bad influence to his stepsister or something related to that. I suggest that you talk to your husband about what your son is doing wrong and try to see it in his perpective. You should also ask him to stop spanking your son. Your son might develop a sense of hatred toward him as he grows up. Instead, tell your husband to talk to your son about what he is doing wrong so he might correct it. Otherwise, spanking him will cause him no good.

Answer 10

Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with spankign in general, but the problem is that disciplining him is YOUR responsibility, not your husbands. The only people who should be punishing your son at all are you and his biological father. Your husband has no right to punish him. It is not his place.