Have you had your toddler really say something that hurt your feelings yet?

Question

Today I was walking with my 4 year old. He pointed out this woman and said "look at that fancy mommy." I said "why is she fancy?" and Noah said "She has her hair and nails done, and she dresses pretty. She's fancy! Why can't you be fancy too? I like that kinda mommy better." I was CRUSHED!! Even though I said "well, some mommies are a little more plain. I don't need make-up to be pretty, right?" I swear I almost started crying. I had to bite my lip all the way home. I didn't think it was possible to be stung so bad by a child! Has your toddler or small child ever said anything to you that really got to you as well? What was it?

I know how much he loves me. The child adores me and that's obvious to me too, but it still hurt. I was just wondering if other parents got similar zingers that really bothered them like this, even though I know it wasn't meant too seriously when my boy said it.

Answer 1

Welcome to motherhood, the zingers get better and we get better at how they effect us. Remember the show Kids say the darnest things ... it should still be on because it helped every parent with the very emotion you feel.

As much as we are the main figure our children learn from all they see and hear even a 4yr has outside things such as TV other kids they see playing oh a zillion ways Kids gather info.

Maybe it was just something he heard not felt .. really can a child know what looks better or not unless someone or something teaches them. Look at your emotion as a very good tool a gift he gave you, that maybe something inside you is really saying ... Do I want my son growing up with seeing Fancy as better than natural? Now you know what to work on with him... he needs your guidance and will love you for showing him ... your his hero and always will be.,

Answer 2

Children are very impulsive and they haven't matured enough at age four to be cognizant of hurting someone's feelings. They will say exactly what they're thinking in all innocence. Sometimes their remarks are funny, and other times they can be very insulting, like, "Mommy, look at that fat lady", they will shout, just making an observation in their small minds, with no intent whatsoever to be rude or insulting. Manners are not an inborn trait, and children have to be taught at an early age that saying some things in public are not appropriate. Your little boy was not being mean. He was simply observing and commenting, with no malice intended. He's not old enough to deliberately hurt you. If he said it at eight or ten, that would be different. Of course he loves you. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you "fancied" yourself up occasionally, so that he could compliment you as the pretty lady who dresses pretty. (Incidentally, dad might like that, too:) If I were you, I'd just forget the incident, give your son a big hug, and let him know how much you love him.

Answer 3

My daughter(now 18)pointed to a man on the bus and loudly proclaimed"He's cute for you mom you should go out with him!" I am a single mom and boy he was cute and I was sooooo embarrassed! Toddlers say whats in their heads, they have no clue about what they are saying or the repercussions of saying something in bad taste. Don't take it seriously and always have an explanation, but always be honest, maybe you should have shot back with "Mommy is too busy spending her money on you to be fancy like that." or some other way to lighten the moment. Just don't take it so personal, be thankful he didn't swear or repeat something truly embarrassing, we can be careful but they always hear stuff they shouldn't.

Answer 4

After a long day at work drinking coffee, my breath sometimes becomes a little less than sweet. My son at that age once asked "What's that smell?"

Children are keen observers and they have no social filters. I'd say be glad that he is so observant and just let it go.

Maybe try to explain that looks don't always mean that those "fancy mommies" are GOOD mommies, like you.

Answer 5

While bathing with my three year old (at the time), she said, "Mommy, is another baby coming out of your belly? It sure is big."

And I've had almost the same situation as yours. My son told me that someone else's mommy at school is very pretty, and he wished she could be his mommy.

It hurts to be a mom! Talk about motivation for dieting!!!

Answer 6

My almost 5 yr old daughter lives with me and my hubby and her little sister. He dad lives about an hour away and she visits him every week and him and I and the rest of the families get along great believe it or not. However every time I pick her up she SCREAMS and CRIES that she doesnt want to be with me she wants to live with daddy and heather ( his second cousin who lives with them ) It's brought me to tears a few times because she'll cry the entire hour ride home to the point where she's gagging and coughin. It makes me feel bad to think she really would rather be at his house instead of coming home with me for the rest of the week. she's only at his house 2 days and I know she misses him but it does make me feel bad sometimes. I just know that one day when shes older and in her teens she'll be able to decide who she wants to live with and hopefully then if she chooses to live with her dad full time it wont hurt as much as it does now when she's still soo little.

Answer 7

About a month ago, I told my 20 month old son 'Mommy loves you, do you love Mommy?' and he shook his head no. Logically, I know that he doesn't understand what I was saying, but it still hurt my feelings very badly. At the time, I said 'You don't? Yes you do!' and he changed his answer to yes, but later on, I did cry about it a bit.

Answer 8

First of all....believe it or not...you can't take that personally. It wasn't an attack on you. Really, it wasn't .... you are the most wonderful thing in his life....but children are very candid and they are much like men in the fact that they are very visual...so if they see something that they like, something that attracks them...they are going to tell you about it.
He doesn't know about hurting feelings, or stinging you with words...he just thought that woman was really pretty with all her polish and glitter.
Pretty much the same as a favorite shirt, jacket or pants....
so, please.....don't take it personally.... maybe (if you beleive in this) take him with you to beauty supply and let him pick out a color of nail polish and do your nails (even just your toenails if it's hideous)..... :) Enjoy them....

Answer 9

OK, here's my catty answer...

Some mommies have spare time on their hands to have their hair and nails done because they have nannies, or housecleaners, or VERY helpful husbands, or lots of money to waste. I say this because I live in Orange County, California, where many "stay at home moms" don't actually spend much time parenting or cleaning... they instead go to the gym (not a bad thing), shop, volunteer for children's charities (while their children are in the care of people whose children are probably benefiting form said charities), and generally doing NOTHING other than working hard to look like a Playmate (lest their husbands leave them for the many actual Playmates walking around my neighborhood).

The real world answers...
Even if our time is limited, we CAN put forth the effort to dress in a flattering way (no sweats, etc. unless we are working out or cleaning house) and take 10 minutes to do our hair and makeup. I haven't had a manicure in years, and my haircuts tend to occur twice a year, while my mom is out visiting. Still, I take the time to dress nicely (NOT expensively) and at least brush my hair, put on some lip gloss and mascara, and make sure my nails are polished. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a Kindergartener, whom I homeschool. I am also in school part-time. I am hugely busy, but I take the time to at least be presentable.

That being said, it is important to explain to our children that appearances are NOT the most important thing. Heck, I take the time to look decent, but I am no match for the rich, spoiled women in my neighborhood! My safe, servicable Subaru is no match compared to the fleet of Hummers and Landrovers in the playground parkinglot, just as I am no match for for the insanelly well-groomed women in my neighborhood. However, my children have a mom who is actually present for them, who loves their father, and meets his needs. Just as a loving home is preferable to an immaculate home, a loving mother and wife is preferable to a "fancy" mom. My husband takes the time to comment, in front of my kids, on how much time I spend with the kids, how hard I work to run our home, and how pretty he thinks I am. Your son may be taken by the appearance of a "fancy" mom (who is probably spoiled rotten and does little day-to-day), but he will learn more about an "ideal" woman from you example of love, hard work, patience, and the love you give to your husband.

I fully recognize that there are women who sacrifice for their families and still look like supermodels. That's great. However, most of the really involved moms I know do NOT look like supermodels. They have neither the money not the time. In my neighborhood, the current fad is to have a scheduled c-section and tummy-tuck so you can wear a bikini the following summer. I'm sure my hubby sees these women and appreciates their appearance. However, he is more thankful (I hope) for my willingness to gain stretch marks and floppy belly-skin so I can have a natural birth and be home soon for my children. He will actually point out "plastic moms" when we see them on T.V.

If you are truly hurt by your son's comments, talk to your husband about it. Encourage him to compliment him in front of your son. Your sacrifice as a mother is SO much more important!

When my son was that age, he used to call me "big fat mommy." Nice. I have no idea where he got that, but once my husband heard him say it, he made a point to sit down with the little guy and explain that some mommies are more concerned with looking nice than with spending time with their children.

Lest anyone think I am a bitter mom who has "let herself go", I weigh about 125 pounds (at 5 foot 6 inches), and I still get carded for buying alcohol, although I am 31 years old.

Answer 10

nicely, regrettably, we won't quit our toddlers from getting their emotions harm. i'm no longer attempting to be propose yet she is in simple terms going to would desire to handle having this non everlasting unhappiness. And greater beneficial than in all possibility she would desire to no longer bear in mind this in some days. this is in all possibility hurting you greater beneficial than her. i understand all human beings is in all possibility going to furnish me a thumbs down and tell me i'm a foul mom, yet all you're able to do is clarify to her which you're ill and can't kiss her top now........and then put in Princess and the Frog. 10 minutes into it, she would be able to no longer care anymore.