My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. Last year I told him that I really want to get married since we don't have any real problem together. (At that time he was out of schoo and didn't have job so he was living with me till he found his current job in another city). He told me that he needed time to think about this. Everything was fine and I believe he wanted to purpose, untill his mum went to visit him this summer. She stayed for four months and was really nice with me but they were constatntly fighting. I wasn't also in my best shape since I was alone in this city and most of my friends had moved. So I was traveling to his house every weekend. I know it wasn't appropriate but I thought since I had helped him before he would understand my situation. But after his mum left, he told me he never wants to get married since he knows his mum will make his life like a hell. He also was annoyed by me traveling there every weekend. I really love this guy.
2007-11-01 14:01:44 · 19 answers · asked by nasim8001 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I decided to not to go there until he asks me. I even have told him that. Now he has started to call me every day and inviting me over every weekend. I think this makes the situation even more confusing. Don't you?
2007-11-02 10:41:27 · update #1
Honey, he is not in love with you. It's no one's fault. You cannot "make" some one fall in love.
I'm sorry, but I would give up on trying to get married to this one.
2007-11-01 14:07:29 · answer #1 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
His Mum is not his problem with getting married. It's his excuse.
He just simply does not want to get married .. or he would get married. Most people "DO" whatever they want to do .. if they can. Don't let him fool you .. don't fall for what he said.
Don't listen to what he says ... instead - look at his actions. "Actions speak louder than words". His actions are saying he does not want marriage.
If he really wanted to see you - then he would not have been annoyed by your visits. It did not matter that you helped him .. that did not bother him a bit.
Love has to be for both .. or there is no real love between them. You love him .. and you want him. It seems that he is not returning these same sentiments. It' s SO hard to come to this point where you recognize these facts .. the truth often hurts badly.
It is your decision on what to do. You deserve someone who will love you feriously, truly .. and you know that his love is true.
You can either stay where you are at - and take whatever he might send your way. OR .. you can put it all behind you .. let TIME be your healer .. and go forward with your life.
You may not realize it now .. but you really would like someone who likes you back .. and that someone is out there somewhere.
To answer your question - he does not want to get married because he does not want to get married. One day, you may be surprised to learn that he did get married .. and when he does get married, it will probably be because he wanted to get married.
It's your decision .. but you have to decide where you want your life to go.
2007-11-01 21:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If he wanted to get married, he wouldn't let his mother stand in the way - it's just a lame excuse. I'm not gonna say he doesn't love you because only he knows the answer to that, but...why would it annoy him that you went there every weekend? You have to ask yourself would you be annoyed if the person you were supposed to love came to be with you at the weekend. Take a breather from him, see if it becomes clear by how bothered he is by not seeing you for a few weeks or a month, One thing I have learned in my life is you can't make people feel what you do. I hope you find happiness with or without him. X
2007-11-01 21:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by JP32 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You have a few options here...
1. You can accept the fact that he doesn't want to get married. This has pros: You can still be with him and your relationship will remain the same. But it also has cons: Do you want children? What will it be like raising children with someone you're not married to? Plus it'd be better to have the stability of marriage.
2. You can give him an ultimatum. Either marry or propose or we are through! Pros: He'll either realize that he really does want you or.... Cons: He'll realize that he doesn't love you like that he'll break up with you. However, I think you could find a much better man. This guy doesn't sound like the one!
3. Break up with him. Pros: You can find a new man who will treat you better and will want the same things you want. Cons: You love this guy and it'll be hard to do.
A lot of things raise up red flags in what you said... first off... He "needed time to think about" the marriage and never got back to you. He ignored it. Secondly, he was annoyed by you traveling there every weekend? A boyfriend should be happy to see his lovely girl! You need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend and ask him to be truthful. Ask him what he really wants. Does he want a relationship that will, someday, move to the next level? Or does he want a girl he can occasionally have sex with?
I think you can do much better than this. You deserve better!!!!
2007-11-01 21:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by Due March 9th, 2010 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
He's using his mum as an excuse. The reality is that he doesn't want to marry you because after 4 years, you guys have done everything. There is no mystery. Also, he has probably analyzed your every fault and has decided that maybe wants to try someone else.
Of course he won't tell you that. But if you see him married within a year or two to someone else, remember what I told you.
2007-11-01 21:59:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I don't doubt that you love this guy and a whole lot. But from what you're sharing with us, the feelings and the depth of them are not shared by this fella. And I have to agree with most of the other responders: you deserve better and should move on. Either he takes you seriously and is willing to treat you like he cares about having you in his life......or it's time to move on and find someone who will not only be happy to do backflips to be around you, but he'll love you so much you won't believe it's possible. Take a deep breath girlfriend.....and tell yourself "I'm not taking this crap, anymore!" Go from there.....
2007-11-02 14:45:26 · answer #6 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You Deserve better!!!!! He should have been honest with you from the start and told you he didnt want to get married now he is just using his mum as an excuse. he is probabily scared of the commitment but that still doesnt make it right he should have been honest. Look for another man honey you deserve to be treated with respect and shown a bit of loyalty.
2007-11-02 09:07:37 · answer #7 · answered by bigears 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You love him, but I have to wonder if the reverse is true. Join a club, take a class, make new friends, and find someone new. Tell him that you really want to get married someday and if he's not ready for that after four years, then it's time to break up. Be firm, you're doing yourself a favor.
2007-11-01 21:13:25 · answer #8 · answered by sassy sarah 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
sometimes family members really get in the way. this is a very bad thing and cause a strain on relationships. It may have seemed that you got along with his mother but she may have something to do with the fact that he does not want to get married to you. I know my ex's mom acted like she liked me to my face but the 2nd i turned around she hated me. Which caused problems with him and his mom which led to us fighting more and more until we had to part. I think that it would have something to do with his mom. You just need to tell him look I love you with all my heart and I am at that point in my life that I really want to get married... Start off with that and see where it gets you I guess
2007-11-01 21:47:23 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Erin*~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him lots of space. He is feeling smothered. But it also sounds like you need to build a life of your own that is less dependent on this guy for a social outlet. It's time to meet new friends and expand your circle. Let this guy go for awhile. He may come back to you; he may not but doing what your doing right now won't work. It's time to get some independence.
2007-11-01 21:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by Pam 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
honey, he wants to be single in his new city, without you.
i am so sorry. he is using mom as an excuse.
he does not want to be married because his days are filled with new places people and exciting new things. you are the dumb old thing who is not 'in the best shape'. he does not want to take one moment to 'understand' this cause he doesnt care anymore and this is a drag. and he is surrounded in his new town by babes all day long who are in the best shape of their lives. yum.
it is over. dont visit him or contact him. spend every second and bit of that energy you gave to him loving him on loving yourself. why do i say this so strongly? because you deserve better. you see, you wrote you !!!! are going to see him every weekend, no girl, he comes to see you. you are already doing all the work, it is doomed. get in shape for the rest of your fabulous life, and put him on a shelf.
eventually he will call wanting to know what you have been doing. it may hurt when he does this because he wont be calling to ask you to marry him. so when he does call just tell him you are fantastic. talk like you sorta dont remember him.
but its over with him, the good news is that you get to also be free and be surrounded by new things. it is waiting for him, dont ever forget it is waiting for you too. you are such a nice person i can tell, every person answering this question likes you, honey, and that means you are special, cause that never happens, haha!!!! good things ahead for you, dear.
2007-11-01 21:27:06 · answer #11 · answered by jaded 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋