Why do many people say that if your wedding is even slightly nontraditional, you're being tacky as heck?

Question

Do people really enjoy cookie cutter weddings? Why is it so bad if someone wants to make their wedding stand out amongst the rest.

I am all for doing your own thing but I don't get so many of the replies here that say "that is so tacky! etc" when someone wants to do something personal or unique like wear a colored dress instead of white, as just one example of many. If it's not hurting anyone and not jeopardizing .your guests' comfort, what is the problem and why do some people have to be so snarky and mean about it? They're choosing their thing for their event, you get to choose your thing when it's your turn. Seriously, what is wrong with being different?

Answer 1

Nothing wrong with being different. I have no problem with expressions of individuality at a wedding so long as the expression:
(1) doesn't solicit gifts from guests or in any way suggest that a gift is expected
(2) doesn't put guests on the spot to open up their wallets (e.g., the Dollar Dance)
(3) is meant to make your guests comfortable
(4) doesn't insult anyone's race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.
(5) doesn't embarrass members of the bridal party, including the bride and groom, or guests (i.e., smashing cake in the face of a bride who doesn't want it; toasts that mock the couple's decision to have or not have sex before marriage).

I'm perfectly fine with your wearing a red velvet goth gown and black nail polish if that floats your boat, and I'll happily eat the potluck lasagne that's served. But don't ask me to put money in a "Wishing Well" after I've already bought you a lovely shower gift and wedding present.

Answer 2

I think non traditional can still be elegant if it is done right.

Yes a coloured dress is fine, just make sure it is made of good quality material. (even a white dress made of bad quality material looks tacky)
No, dollar dances are no good. You invited the guests for their company not their money.
Yes, decorate you reception however you want, but use good quality decorations (like the dress, bad quality cheap plastic...really just bad quality anything looks tacky, you can do things cheaper but find good quality at a cheap price)
Yes, themes can be good but go for ones that are considered romantic not just dressup. (perfect pair, or fairytale romance rather than wild west or under the sea. Guests are there to celebrate love, not halloween)
Yes, you don't need the huge wedding (obviously some people simply don't know that many people, or don;t have the budget for it, nothing wrong with that, what is tacky is people living outside their means)
Yes, you don't need the church and the priest (celebrant is fine, courthouse is fine, but please have some sort of celebration even if it is just you and your partner -or only a few guests)

Last and not least - there is nothing wrong with traditional wedding either. There is value in tradition, and most weddings have some element in it that is traditional. I have been to many traditional weddings and none have been the same (though they had similar elements) traditional does not necessesarily mean cookiecutter.
So traditional, untraditional each to their own.

Answer 3

It all depends on what is important to the couple. My husband didn't have any problem with me suggesting we do not do a bouquet toss or garter toss. However, it suddenly bugged him a week before the wedding that I didn't bother with the "someting old, something new..." thing. Because it was important to him, I got one of each item. His compromise to me was that I wanted it in a church, but a special one that is only open in the summer for tourists. Also, the service was extremely short and I think all our guests appreciated us being nontraditional on that!

When I look at the photos of the wedding and see how happy we both were, I am sure that it wouldn't have mattered after all if we had gotten married in a stream in fishing waders as he joked about us doing! To be honest, I worried up to the wedding about what the guests were going to think about a lot of things we did different than traditional weddings. However, once the day came, my eyes were only for my husband and I could have cared less whether my aunt was put out over not having the wedding party announced or my uncle getting cold because he thought the weather was going to be warmer and he wore short sleeves.

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with being different--we're going that route in many regards, but many times, the "traditions" people want to do away with DO interfere with the guests comfort. I've seen a person on here upset because she was told she was in th wrong to host a wedding, invite guests , and not provide them with anywhere to sit (she'd only invite people who could stand for long enough), and then once the brief ceremony was over, she'd send them home without so much as a glass of punch or a morsel of cake! Yes, that's tacky!

I think some things people do ARE tacky, and if they ask opinions, I will offer mine. If they're going to do what they want anyway, why even ask for opinions?

It is tacky to invite guests to anything, then require them to pay for their refreshments--sorry, cash bar is OUT. If you cannot afford an open bar, limit it to wine and punch, or limit your guest list to a number of people you can afford to entertain properly. Having a dry reception is also a wonderful option.

It is also tacky to ask for cash from your guests.

The smash the cake in the face display is uncomfortable for many guests to watch, and really makes the participants look trashy, not cute. C'mon, here's a woman who spend more money on this dress than any other garment she's ever owned, and her behavior is that of a drunken college coed in a food fight?

There are other things that make for tacky weddings, but those examples leap to mind right away. I know I'll get thumbs downs, but this is my opinion.

Answer 5

I keep seeing the word "tacky". While I know what it means... I decided to look up the definition. Merriam Webster says the etymology is "low-class person".

So, since I am not wealthy, not blue-blood, no royalty, didn't go to finishing school..... I guess I can be somewhat tacky.

I have asked many opinions. Sometimes I ask to see if other people agree with my thinking so that I know I am not alone... so sometimes I AM looking for validation, NOT correction.

So, I think as long as no one is getting hurt in any way, the heck with it. Who cares if I use mailing labels, or give shot glasses as favors.... or whatever.

For the most part, I just had an average wedding. I didn't go out of my way to be unique or put my "stamp" on it. It was unique and had my stamp because I was there with my groom. 'Nuff said.

Answer 6

Absolutely nothing!!! I hear you and I totally agree with you.
There is no guideline for weddings. All these so called etiquette experts jump out of the woodwork and tell you how a wedding should be. Well who made these rules in the first place?
You get married your way my dear, and ignore anyone who dares to call it tacky.
Tacky to me is all the cookie cutter weddings, with the strapless white gown (yawn, not another one) and the 2 carat ring.........
Be original, be unique.
At the end of the day, all that matters is that two people in love exchange promises with one another to love, respect and honour. And that you and he are happy. What else matters? Who cares if you didnt have a bouquet or your dress was purple or you had 50 kids running around yelling and enjoying themselves.
As long as the day has a good and happy vibe, and people are smiling and enjoying theirselves, then it is a good wedding.

Answer 7

I don't think it's good to choose something nontraditional simply for the sake of having a "different" wedding. However, if you are doing something nontraditional because it somehow relates to who you and your future spouse are as individuals and/or as a couple, then go for it!

Sometimes the naysayers are people involved in the wedding industry, and they wouldn't want you to stray from the usual, because today's "usual" involves lots of piggy-bank-breaking spending---which doesn't always make the new couple happy but certainly makes the wedding planner happy.

Oh, and I agree with the above poster that the dollar dance is tacky. Think about it: what is its purpose? There, I think, you'll understand why many consider it tacky.

Random add: I think "popular" might be better to say than "traditional," in the case of weddings. For some reason, I doubt the dollar dance, among other popular wedding-day activities, is "traditional"....

Answer 8

In my ministry, non-traditional is mostly what I do! I've done a lake side beach wedding where the bride and groom were in their bathing suits. She wore a sarong, they each had a young son, who brought the wedding rings on necklaces. It was an awesome wedding. I have had a robot as a ring bearer, a bride walk to the altar to Star Wars, then left the altar to Cliff's of Dover! There is nothing wrong with being different! I do my weddings differently. I preform the wedding from within the guests, my couples are the main focus, as they face their honored guests. Blessings, Chaplain Debby

Answer 9

I have noticed that when it comes to Weddings, people who were pretty cool and laid back and who minded their own business, suddenly become PSYCHO! I'm not sure what it is, but everyone has an opinion about weddings, and they have no qualms about telling you so or expecting that you will do exactly what they tell you to.

I think using the term "tacky" is a way to bulldoze you into doing thing their uncreative way. At the end of the day, you can ask them, do you want to make me happy? THEN LEAVE ME ALONE. Of course, the psycho that your friend/family member has become suddenly doesn't want to leave you alone and you are bombarded.

It's all really high stress and so normal situations are thrown WAY out of proportion. My suggestion would be to stand back and see what it looks like BIG PICTURE. Anywho, good luck!

Answer 10

I think people should do what they want. This summer I knew 6 couples that walked down the isle. Each one had the "perfect" wedding that was traditional with every detail in place. Once the wedding was over they realized that while they had planned the wedding down to the last bit, they weren't ready at all for marriage. My fiance and I are going to the courthouse and then our families are all going out to dinner. A lot of people have told me this looks cheap but we really don't care. We just want to be married and it's easier than a reception. We're going to a nice restaurant but not having a reception or ceremony. You should make your wedding the way you want it. Don't wear white if you don't want to and do all the things you want to do. You are right... you're not hurting anyone and you just want to have the wedding of your dreams, not a bridal magazine editor's dreams or anyone else's dreams.