although feeling guilty & loving my children VERY much, i feel i need a break, or else i'm going to lose it

Question

what do you suggest? bare it & get over it or what?

Answer 1

That is why I go to work to get a break. I think if I didn't I would go crazy too!

Answer 2

It is totally understandable. You will get some comments where people say...you should have not become a mom then if you could not handle it or your a bad mom for thinking that....all this stuff but the truth is every mother no matter if they want to admit it or not feels that way. My son is 18 months and I call him my little devil because he is always doing things he should not and he knows what no means but he does the whole I hear you I just don't want to listen to you. But he mostly does it with me. But really I got very lucky because everyone says he is like the best kid and he really is compared to some. I know how you feel though. My husband is in Iraq so I am raising our son alone. Up until about 2 months ago I never got a break I worked all the time and was with him. But now my new babysitter loves him to death and would prolly take him everyday if I would let her. But even with her watching him and helping me sometimes I still get so stressed I feel like I am going to have a breakdown. There are a few things you can do....talk to a doctor and get some kind of med to help, if you are married or have a good friend you trust ask them to stay with the kids while you go out for some you alone time. When you feel you get to stressed walk away so the kids don't see you like that and take some breaths and calm down. I know when I get to stressed to go in the other room because kids can tell. Get a gym membership (lot of them have daycare) where you have time to work out your stress and your kids are still close by. (some gyms even have camera's/tv where you can watch what your kids are doing while you workout. Depending on there age make time during the day where it is quite time. (if real little kids when they take nap if you have older one's they can do quite time or give them naps at same time.) I hope any of this helped. But it is important that you do have some you time because you don't want to get to sressed and lose it infront of your kids. I know you think just like me no matter how mad you got you would never hurt your kid you know to walk away. But it is not the fact hurting them or anything. I am sure you would not do that it is that if you get to stressed then can feel it and you don't want that. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Perhaps you need a small vacation. Is there someone nearby who can watch the children while you and your husband take a weekend trip somewhere?

Also, have you considered seeing a psychiatrist? You may be experiencing post partum depression.

If you're taking birth control, have you recently switched to a different type of birth control? There was one pill that I took and every little thing would set me off. Maybe you need a different type of birth control.

It is difficult to give accurate advice. You don't mention why you believe you need a break. Do you feel frustrated or depressed? Are you constantly tired? Do you feel resentful towards your children and/or husband? If you could follow up with a more thorough explanation of your feelings / symptoms, I should be able to give better advice.

Answer 4

This must be something for this generation , we never go anywhere that we do not take the kids , however when she stayed home , I did tell her to wait to go shopping , I came in from work , watched the kids , and she went out for a couple of hours , Now our youngest is 8 the oldest 15 , she does her girls weekends , and I hang with the guys when I want , but one of us is always home , the girl who said she gives her kid to her mom every weekend is a loser , and a sorry excuse for a parent ....putting herself before her child , I have never hit a woman but ones like that tempt me so bad ....

I take it you are home day in and day out to include nights with the child , so I would agree you may need some "you time" either get a trusted friend to babysit , or the daddy ( who should be there for you and the child in the first place ) unless he is a dead beat ...when I worked , I came home exhausted , but my job as the provider of the household included my girlfriend ...she was never a home bound slave , she cared for the kids while I worked , and prepared the meals , so I would take some kids ,and daddy time , and give her money to get away for the day or so , I even took a weeks vacation , stayed home with the kids , and sent her to the beach with her cousin for a week ....that is what a man is supposed to do , and any real man would , because he knows if he is a bad dog , he gets no scooby snack at bed time , I learned early , she and I have been happily unmarried for 11 years , .....Jerk a knot in the daddy ,or if he has jumped ship , ask your parents to help you out , but never feel guilty , you need some time to breathe , even teachers get a day at work with no kids .....Best of luck with this issue ...


StephE , take this from a southern dad of 4 ,"" you ain't the only one goin grey"" , I'm 38 and I used to have long brown hair past my shoulders , now it is all grey ..........

Answer 5

That's why God created babysitters! Okay, on a more serious note, we ALL feel that way sometimes. If your children are a bit older (3+) then have them play in their room while you sit on the couch and read a completely meaningless magazine for an hour (I suggest People). That's great for a mini-break.

If you don't already belong to a moms group, join one. I started mine on meetup.com and its been a sanity-saver. Once a month we hire a couple of sitters to watch all of our kids at one house and we all go out for good old fashioned adult time.

And don't feel bad about hiring a sitter "just" to go to Walmart (or other store or the mall). You'd be amazed at how much different those stores are child-free. You don't have to justify it to anyone, just do it.

One thing my mom always tells me is that mentally well parents raise mentally well kids.

Answer 6

Give them to your mom, husband, sister whoever and leave. Maybe rent a hotel room for a night, a cheaper one with a hot tub. That or go do something you enjoy like getting your nails done, it makes you feel so much better.

BTW: everybody needs a break every once in a while, don't feel the least bit guilty. You have the hardest job in the world so don't feel bad.

Answer 7

your husband is not taking care of you. it pains me to say it, but i've been on the short end of that stick before and its generally the husband's fault. you are at wit's end, your battteries are drained, your totally spent emotionally and physically tending your children, which is more demanding than anything else in your life, yet singularly rewarding at the same time. yes you shld be empowered. yes you grab the bull by the horns and deal with probs with your own two hands and own brain. but when you are spent already, the burden is not on you, its on the people around you and your first call AND your last call shld be to your man. he needs to take you out, he needs to pamper you a bit, he needs to be romantic, and then you need to get busy together to relieve the stress and feel connected. if you don't have a husband who's gonna do all that, i suggest getting a dog or training for a marathon. all the women answering this question are in danger of denying that their marriage is troubled if they think this is ridiculous. you can either get busy living or get busy living your children's lives and drowning in guilt. besides, the more rest and diversion you can get, the more effective you'll be with your children. who's got your back? well, i can't answer that for you but it shld be a no brainer, your husband

all these respondents who suggest get a nanny or dump them on your friends or mom - no kidding, why don't you suggest more obvious things to do? but what they don't say bc they probably make the same mistakes, is that if you don't relax during those relief periods and spend that time recharging your batteries and refreshing your mind and spirit, your guilt and your stress is gonna remain status quo if not worse. so don't run around to buy buy baby and don't go buy rugs and more wipes for the baby. do anything that makes you happy, all that other stuff, it aint goin anywhere, it can be done when you are punching the clock again and doing what you love most as it is clear by your question, which is being a great mom and raising your children

Daniel Goleman recently wrote a new book that is on the NYT best seller list, or at least was when i bought it, and altho i don't agree with everything he says, there is a key point that somebody else here alludes to (even tho she takes 5 minutes to make the point and tell her own sob story) and it is that children have the world's most powerful sense of emotional wifi. your guilt and your exhaustion doesn't benefit them, so cast off the guilt bc your new action plan is going to make you happier, which is going to make your children happier and that stands to make everybunny happier.

i shld just go neuter myself in the bathroom right now

i'm not trying to be a jerk, but rather just trying to provide an alternative perspective

Answer 8

You are sooooo not alone. If you can even try and blag an overnight stay at their grandparents or ask grandparents to stay in your house even just for one night. Book a hotel room for the night and enjoy. If overnight can't be done ask someone to do a day for you when you book in for a special treat somewhere - a massage or facial - its amazing how grown up you can feel when you do this.

Answer 9

Every one deserves time to them selves alone, don't feel guilty, take a day off, do what you enjoy for once, treat your self, I find when I try to grin and bare thats when I do go off I usually take it out on my fiance and alot of times he's not even the problem!!!

Answer 10

I feel like this sometimes. I send her to play in the garden for 10 minutes, or to play in her bedroom or watch tv while I sit with a coffee. Only 5 or 10 minutes. I'm usually ok then.

Answer 11

omg! dont feel guilty at all! Go and get a break, having kids is very stressful! get a nanny, a get your mom, or mom in law, grandparents love having there grandchildren! Go out, with old fun friends, get nails done, go for a drink whatever~ have fun and dont feel guilty, all parents have those problems. your not alone!! good luck on a girlsd ay out