I have a female friend that i have feelings for. I have texted her in the past. Her boyfriend found out and has started checking her phone. My friend sees this as a problem but ignores it. I'm left feeling like i'm in the wrong for texting in the first place. The texts are always innocent. Anyhting more personal i tell her in person.
Her boyfriend is suspicious and clearly jealous.
Does that make checking her phone right?
I have my opinion. I'd like to hear other peoples.
2007-11-01 10:18:30 · 16 answers · asked by David S 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Whenever i've brought it up in the past she always excuses him. He came out of a bad relationship with very little trust so that's why he does it.
But surely this doesn't make it right?
I can imagine it is difficult to trust again but that doesn't give him the right to invade someone elses privacy, does it?
2007-11-01 10:34:01 · update #1
At times she has been made to feel guilty for being friends with me. We all work in the same place and he can see how well me and her get on together. If ever they have an argument in which he's in the wrong, he'll sulk for a while and then fire back at her with the same old thing(i.e. her relationship with me) She ends up feeling sorry for him, which leads to her ignoring me for a day or two, just to keep the peace
2007-11-01 10:41:00 · update #2
I don't think it's ever okay to check a partner's phone messages, email, snail-mail or any other such personal things unless given explicit permission to do so. Of course some people disagree and act like every single envelop is addressed as 'Mr or Mrs' from the day they've been married (or are even dating) but at my home, my parents always respected each others privacy. Messages coming in addressed to both of them were of course opened immediately, but anything meant for one of them was left untouched by the other. That's how I was raised and I think it was a good rule; it shows trust and respect for each others privacy. Marriage, let alone dating, doesn't eliminate every right to privacy.
2007-11-01 12:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are asking several questions here.
The first one is about privacy. Every person has a right to privacy and other people, including partners, should respect that. So it isn't right to read another person's personal letters,emails, diary, text messages or any other personal correspondence unless the person asks you to. Same with listening to phone messages, going through their possessions or watching them secretly.
The second question is about whether jealousy gives someone the right to behave differently and not respect someone's privacy. No, it doesn't.
The third question is about the way your friend allows her boyfriend to behave towards her. That is up to her.
The fourth question, which you don't ask but is implied, is whether you should be texting her at all . Ask her if she wants text messages from you. Ask her if she wants a relationship with you that is more than friendship. If you and she agree that you want to be more than friends, then the question is not about texting, its about how she breaks up with her
boyfriend and you and she become a couple.
At the moment you say you have feelings for her and you tell her 'more personal things' in person. Her boyfriend has the right to feel jealous Sort out the relationships. Texting is not the big problem
2007-11-01 17:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by Sage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but if she knew he had trust and jealousy issues right up there in the beginning, and still stayed... Well... that's beyond me. I won't be with someone that doesn't trust me. I would also NEVER do anything to betray that trust!
Checking someone's test messages is the same thing as opening and reading their mail. It's wrong! But then, so is sneaking around behind your partner's back, no matter how "innocent" it is.
Do 2 wrongs make a right? I think not, if I were him, if I couldnt' trust her, I'd leave. And if I were her, and he didn't trust me, I'd leave. Either way, they need to have a talk, the 2 of them.
2007-11-01 10:43:06 · answer #3 · answered by Ista 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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Is it ever right to check your partners mobile phone messages?
I have a female friend that i have feelings for. I have texted her in the past. Her boyfriend found out and has started checking her phone. My friend sees this as a problem but ignores it. I'm left feeling like i'm in the wrong for texting in the first place. The texts are always innocent....
2015-08-06 07:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-22 16:55:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't trust her, checking her msgs won't help anything, but talking to her will. Everyone has a right to privacy, and if it bugs her he should stop. If she was like some of the other posters who say they feel that they'd do the same if the tables were turned, then it would be okay. My father was a dictator and anything he said or did was acceptable- I'd refuse to accept the same from my bf or spouse AS AN EQUAL. He's not treating her like an equal, he's treating her like a child.
2007-11-01 10:34:47 · answer #6 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its only right if they give you permission too. I think its wrong because its like opening their personal mail. And that is against the law. How would you like it if they checked your mobile phone messages? I think its something you two need to talk about before doing so.
2007-11-01 15:45:46 · answer #7 · answered by jrealitytv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they consider themselves a couple, they should be able to check each other's phones .......on the premise that they have nothing to hide. Not allowing the other to check their phone means they have something to hide and that is a cause for concern regarding their relationship. As for you, being a man, you should not text her because she's already in a relationship and your texting her will cause problems and suspicions.
2007-11-01 21:25:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a decision each set of partners need to make together.
If this female friend is ok with her partner checking her cell phone for messages, text and voice, that's between them, not you.
You are NOT part of their decision.
If you don't like their decision, that's your tuff luck.
Go find someone who wants to receive messages from you.
And leavet this one alone.
Pastor Art
2007-11-01 10:34:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
stop trying to make her partner look like the bad guy most men can do that without any help,if she has nothing to hide then she shouldnt mind him looking at her fone I think you clearly have yor own agenda in this matter so you shouldnt be givering her your advice, as a friend you have to be there for her wen //if it all goes wrong not help it or push things along if you truely have feelings for her i suggest you back of f you are not a relationship counceller or there judge or jury,so wat if he is not grown up enough to let her have her space he will loose,mabey he just really is insecure of wat they have together he should have faith and trust her more and know she is a decent lass that wouldnt run with every little sneak that pays her a compliment wen she is down.
i also think you need to find your own girl friend tell them you dont want love you are in love with someone else you will just be good freinds with exstras.
2007-11-01 10:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by annajo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋