Admitting deeper feelings for a friend?

Question

Hi, i hope you can help me out here.

I was just wandering, from a woman's point of view, when you are friends with a guy and you mutually enjoy being around each other alot, what is the reason behind feeling betrayed or thinking less of the guy if he admits that he has deeper feelings for you than just friendship?

I admit if a guy is using a friendship as a hidden agenda to get with the girl then that is wrong but if the guy is a nice guy and even thinks the girl is attracted to him too, why would admitting you feel more than friendship for her is a way of letting her down?

Heres my story briefly. I met this girl at work (a colleague) and she started contact with me via email asking how i was getting on in my new job. From here, i was asked if i wanted lifts home and even was asked whether i wanted to go out for drinks with her. We went out together (as friends) and i was recieving signs that she liked me too. Actual signs, not signs i was misreading.

(continued below)

Anyway we went out for drinks and had fun in each others company.

About one week before i met her, she met this other guy who was a friend also. He must have declared his feelings for her at some point because they started dating soon later and contact between myself and her became more and more irregular. I was saddened by this.

I also told her how i felt about her but after i told her, she became even more distant and now contact is really rare,

What i was wandering is, this girl trusted me and i trusted her and i never gave her any reason to think i was untrustworthy but after i told her i liked her, she cut me off pretty much and i was left thinking that this other guy was just a friend aswell, he admitted his feelings for her and actually got with her whereas i did the same thing and got dropped like a bad habit.

My question is this really, how come sometimes a girl feels betrayed by this declaration and if other people do it, they like it? I thought she would be cool

with it because we were good friends and as i said i even thought she liked me too.

Maybe admitting i liked her as more than a friend came at a bad time considering she was already dating this other guy she had been friends with.

Part of me regrets not getting in there first and the other part wanders why she couldn't take my admission as a compliment, let me down gently and still be friends with me.

I helped her through some rough times and i thought this added to our trust but it hurts that she dropped me the way she did just for admitting i liked her.

My timing i know was awful but my intentions were good and true when i told her how i felt.

Sorry for the epic hahaha

Answer 1

Hey the longer the question, the better I like it! All that aside, her behavior is "typical" of someone who received some news a little late, and isn't in a situation to find a way to fix it with the two of you. You have to understand something fundemental also, that when you move from the unconditional love that friendship gives you, to the CONDITIONAL love of a relationship (see commentment is a CONDITION!!! Hence conditional love, something people don't accept, stay with me with this because you won't understand truth, if not) This causes a perversion in almost every other relationship a person has, it actually in alot of ways, puts UNBELIEVEABLE strain on her UNCONDTIONAL love relationships. I hope you understand that, becuase she has to set her life up for the CONDITIONS of his love. Its not right really and the only reason that true commented relationships exsist is for the sack of kiddos, not just for the sake of romantic love, something people stupidly do and thinks romantic, but I digress. So your "technically" only be shuned because with the feelings she DOES have for you, she doesn't know how to handle, address OR make right. Had you been eariler things could of been different, DUE in part to the fact that were all pretty lost, you could of took the riens. Mostly because friendships mean different things to different people, your were not completely honest and keep the truth from here, becuase you actually put an imaginary condition on the love she had for you. You thought you'd loss her, by telling her how much you felt to earily, and in that you failed the both of you. The nature of love is simple, HOW we use it is not. Learn from this, and be assure, you'll hear from HER again, but this next time, you need to be wiser. Trust the truth works in your favor on this, only if you understand patients. Again her reaction to you is a matter of not knowing what to do, so does what everyone else does behavior. Also I couldn't tell you to what degree she actual love'd you because "friendship" and "close" mean different things to different people, but her behavior is typcial of that...... Theres more to this, I've got an E-mail address, but the point is to know its not a simple case of indiffence, its a twisting of love, much deeper then your thinking it is......