She's making a huge fuss over me not wanting to go to any of her family things. We had an agreement that she would go, but i wouldn't, because i don't care or want to know her family, i have told her a thousand times, i care about HER, not her family. We have gotten by like this for almost 5 years. But now, her cousin is getting married and she's really upset cause i won't go to the wedding with her. It makes me very uncomfortable and i feel like she just wants to show off 'the boyfriend' to everyone. She says it's important to her, but what about what's important to me? I've told her if she wants someone to be her escort to everywhere, she should get one, but it's not me, i just won't do it! I hate those things and she knows it. She tries to manipulate me saying that she has gone with me to my family things, but that's cause SHE wanted to, and even so, my family VERY rarely has a reunion. So, what can i say that makes her back off and leave me alone on this issue?
2007-11-01 10:10:22 · 14 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She insists we 'compromise', but that is basically getting her way, cause she's the only one interested in this issue. I don't have a problem with it if she doesn't wanna drag me to her things. I tell her if we 'compromised' she would have to stop going half the time too.
2007-11-01 10:13:31 · update #1
First, you have to define what kind of girlfriend she is. Is she someone you're kicking it with until your sitation changes and you'll be moving on, or is she someone you could see yourself marrying in a few years? Because if she's really your girlfriend, you can't really say you don't want to know her family or you'll be launched like a rocket out of a cannon....it's just a question of when. You may have agreed, but she's obviously changed her mind, and no amount of logic is going to counter that. Go with her, or it's "welcome to the doghouse". We have to do these things from time to time. That's what it means to love a woman, so get your stuff together and get ready to go....(maybe you can negotiate an "early out" signal in case some crazy uncle begins to act the fool). But you definitely need to go. Good luck to you.
2007-11-01 10:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're being very selfish and unfair. And let me just say this first, when you marry someone you marry their family as well. You don't have to go and become best friends with her family, you're making an appearance and you're going to support her, the way she supports you in things that perhaps she may not want to do either. I have a daughter, and while I was reading what you wrote I was offended. If my daughter had a boyfriend that never came to any family functions, I'd be offended --what about me or my family is so horrific that you don't want to be around us? You can go and be a good team player every now and then it won't kill you--furthermore, what do you have to hide that you never want to attend her family functions? I mean are you a drug dealer and you're scared someone will ask your occupation, perhaps not working at all? What is so bad about supporting someone you claim you LOVE? Sorry, buddy but I think you're way off base on this one.
2007-11-01 17:17:41 · answer #2 · answered by Cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss it like throughly cause this is a problem that isn't just going to go away. I personally think that you should go to the things. The only reason she would want to show you off would be because she really likes you. Usually the first sign of commitment would be to meet the family and if you can't do that then there's not point even dating anyone cause you're going to be alone your whole life. Should you ever get married her family would be your family too. So my advice is just learn to deal with it. Almost no one really enjoys family things but if it makes her happy that you go that should be all that really matters
2007-11-01 17:29:11 · answer #3 · answered by Callie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense but if I was your girlfriend I'd probably be WAY more upset than her. Usually girls want you to meet their family, especially after being together for a long time, and they want the family and their boyfriend to get along.
Also, it's a wedding! There's going to be happy couples all over the place and dancing and what not. Don't you think she'll be a little upset that her boyfriend isn't there to enjoy the fun and romance of the event with her? Of course she will.
I think you should at least attempt meeting her family once, if not ever again. It'll mean so much to her.
2007-11-01 17:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Sar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say you care about her, and i don't doubt this is true since you've been together 5 years but doing something thats important to her will mean alot and if you care as much as you should, you would do anything for her. this is something so small. She'll so appreciate it if you go. Think of her feelings of feeling awkward going alone. Put yourself out there for her. I'm positive it'll be worth it because you'll make her so happy. If family is important to her, than make the sacrifice if you really care for her.
2007-11-01 17:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by J'adore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
straight up nml haha. dude, ur bein so selfish about this. family is a big part of a relationship, especially after goin out for 5 years. the family might start to think, if they havent already, that you have somethin to hide or somthin like that and that will lead to other things. im sure u can go to at least one family gathering. stop being an *** hole
2007-11-01 17:18:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know sometimes you just have to sacrifice to make you girl happy. I think she just wants you to know her family, it's not that she wants to show you off. If you have been together 5 years and you don't want to be involved in that part of her life then it may be time for you to leave. Her family is a part of her life too, and she just wants to involve you. Believe it or not, she probably just wants to be with you too! Novel concept, i know...you are being a jerk about it. Plain and simple.
2007-11-01 17:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by Stina Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't back off - she should dump you. You should grow up and learn that you do have to compromise. And compromise means going to some functions and not others. After 5 years, she shouldn't have to "show" you off, you should be a part of her family.
2007-11-01 17:15:53 · answer #8 · answered by ima-bratt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You 2 have been together for 5 years, I think it is time you get to know her family.
2007-11-01 17:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by karabear78 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you two aren't meant to be. Dump her so you can find a toy, not a girlfriend. She needs a boyfriend, not a weekly toy.
2007-11-01 17:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋