Ok, so this is kind of involved but i will try to give the best nutshell version possible. So when my fiance and i got engaged my parents gave a 5,000.00 budget on our wedding...Thats awesome so we made everything work with the 5g and it would have been simple but nice. We showed my mom and dad what we had come up with and it wasnt good enough for them so, they gave us some ideas on different place and what not...we didnt like any of them but we went with a country club that they liked and now...all of our ideas are not being heard....they want it there way, which yes i understand...it's their money but at the same time they should listen to us being it is our wedding. Now they are saying (because of they way that they want it) we are over budget and we have to start paying for what we want because everything that they wanted pushed us over budget (again, everything that they wanted we hate) what the hell shoud we do to make our wedding the we want it...cuz as of now..i resent it?
2007-11-01 10:02:33 · 19 answers · asked by Brittany 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
And for those of you who say "My parents done got married" i would like you to know that it is tradtion for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding. And yes i am old enough to get married and yes we were planning having to pay for a few things that is not the problem...the problem is we have no control over anything.
2007-11-01 10:51:56 · update #1
You are correct, though they are paying it IS YOUR wedding and you should have SOME say in what goes on.
THIS is why you should save up and pay for your own wedding. Some people seem to think that if they give you money towards the wedding that means they hold all of the decisions. When actually it should be a generous donation that YOU can do with what you want for YOUR day.
So, save up and start planning it YOUR way.
2007-11-01 18:47:31 · answer #1 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's tradition for the bride's family to pay, and it's very kind of your parents to offer. But it looks like their offer isn't very helpful. If they have totally commandeered you wedding, and you aren't having any fun with it, then maybe it's time to rethink the value of that 'tradition'. Part of the reason that so many brides and grooms are now paying for much of their own weddings is to avoid exactly the situation you are describing. Generally, whoever pays has the final say. The part of your situation that seems odd to me is the fact that your parents are asking you and your fiance to cover all the over-budget costs when *they* are the reason you're over-budget in the first place. That seems a little over-the-top to me.
A trend I've seen lately is for the parents (either set or both) to offer the bride and groom a monetary gift and allow them to spend it however they choose. For example, your parents could give you a check for $5000. You could then spend that $5000 for whatever you want, or you spend less and save the left-overs. Have you asked them if they're willing to do this?
If you're really unhappy with the way your parents are handling the money (i.e. you must do everything their way), and they won't change, you only have one real choice. Politely thank them for their offer to help, but tell them that because you and your partner want to have a say in your own wedding, you cannot accept their gift.
Then save your money and pay for everything yourselves, or have a smaller wedding.
I'm SO glad I don't have to deal with that. Yeesh....!
2007-11-01 11:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! Sorry to hear that. My sister had the same problem, it got to the point that my parents were calling it their wedding.
Try to see if they will agree to give you the money to put in a bank account so you can pay the vendors as soon as they need to be paid.
If that doesn't work explain to them that while you really really appreciate their money and their opinions ultimately they have already had their wedding and this is your one and only wedding that you have both been envisioning for a long long time. Ask them if they appreciated it when their parents steamrolled them on their wedding plans. And ask them to consider your feelings and opinions on your own wedding.
If all else fails, do what I did...postpone the wedding and pay for it yourself. It was worth it! Best of luck!
2007-11-01 10:12:05 · answer #3 · answered by Chris10L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the core of the matter is, Is the money a gift or a condition? Are there strings on it or not? If there are strings, it isn't really gift. I'd wait a bit longer and save up the 5K and have the wedding you want.
A good way to approach it is to ask them that tactfully. Act as maturely and firmly as possible, and be open to perhaps not accepting the money. It's weird how people get crazy and controlling about weddings that aren't theirs.
Sounds terrible, my sympathies.
2007-11-01 12:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by Miss Vida 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
pretty common wedding problem. The money should have been a gift to the two of you. It isn't fair for them to decide what they want the wedding to be like. At the same time, you must keep in mind that this is their day too. They probably dreamed about your wedding day longer than you.
Sit them down and tell them you would like to have the wedding you planned. Tell them you're willing to hear suggestions and accomodate their important needs....but you only get one shot at this and you want to make it special for yourselves.
If they are budging.....tell them you decline their money and you'd prefer to get married another way (justice of the peace, take out a loan for the wedding, etc.)
2007-11-01 10:12:17 · answer #5 · answered by jtbrick1208 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can suggest they make it less by not inviting so many people - their friends. (Parents always have their friends that "should" or "need" to be invited.
Ask them for cash and you will plan your wedding.
Suggest you go to Las Vegas or Reno (or somewhere else) to get married and they can pay for the reception when you get back. (You can volunteer to pay for your trip to the wedding location.)
Sit down with them and rationally talk about it. Tell them you aren't happy with how it is going and would like to look at the plans again.
Remember, it is your wedding. If you aren't happy with it, they shouldn't be either.
Just a couple of ideas.
2007-11-01 10:11:07 · answer #6 · answered by ima-bratt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You now have to do what they want, since they are in control. Pick up the costs of what put you over budget. And don't even think of being resentful - respect your parents.
This is why most adult, mature couples pay for their own weddings. He who pays the piper calls the tune.
2007-11-02 01:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i honestly think that you should confront your parents.. i mean dont be rude or anything.. but simply ask them what is the reason they are giving you the money for the wedding.. because to me it seems like they are giving it to you for the wrong reasons.. are they giving it to you for a gift for you to be happy? or are they giving it to you because they know thats what they are "supposed" to do? and then saying well since we gave it, we're designing it... they may as well just not given you the money and said you pay for the wedding yourself but then tell you that they are going to pay for the things that they want.. its like they gave you a gift and then took it back.. thats not right at all! the wedding is supposed to be about the two of you and no one else.. it is supposed to reflect your personalities.. this wedding will be reflecting your parents personalities.. i honestly would tell them that you both have decided to pay for your own wedding.. even if you have to cut your budget down, you should do it.. you want to remember you wedding as a joining of your two personalities!
2007-11-01 14:04:12 · answer #8 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as I see it, the one who pays the bills is the one who gets to choose. Yes it is your wedding but it is being funded by your parents - to get out of this mess (or to not get into it in the first place) pay for your wedding your self. It is really that simple.
2007-11-01 11:33:13 · answer #9 · answered by Angela O 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since it was their idea of the country club wedding which put you way over budget I would not agree to pay any of it. You seemed to have planned a wedding within your budget and they did not approve. My advice is this, you have one day and you cannot do it over. If it means paying for the wedding you want in order to be happy I would do it. I would try to tell them thier idea is nice but not what you two imagine for your wedding. Maybe you can compromise but the idea of your perfect wedding should not be compromised
2007-11-01 10:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋