Christians, how do you honor a parent that is not worthy of respect due to their lifestyle?

Question

I struggle with this and would like your advice.

Answer 1

Primarily, as a Christian, you have no right or authority to say anyone, especially a parent, is unworthy of honor.

Many parents have fallen short or have succumbed to the difficulities of their environment (this thing we call life). It is severely unfair to say that your parent is unworthy of honor. Although, he or she does not meet your standards...there was a point in your parents life when you were the center of their world...and may still be. (You only know if you ask.)

I am sure that your accusation has not gone unnoticed by this parent you speak of. The best way to honor this parent would be to sit down and have an intimate conversation about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. (Try it over a homemade dinner).

Trust me, you never know the entire story unless you ask to hear the entire story.

My advice to you... pray often...for yourself to forgive... and for the relationship you wish you had

God says ask and thy shall receive.

Answer 2

Actually, the commandment that you are stuggling with is "Honor thy Father and Mother." First, there are many ways to "honor." It does not mean that you must condone behavior that you deem inappropriate. You could honor them by behaving as a good christian.

Secondly, The commandment that you are concerned with comes from the Old Testament and is based on the covenant that God had with his people, the Isrealites. In the New Testament, Christ, as the Son of God, entered into a new covenant with all people and he simplified the Ten Commandments into two: Love the Lord with all your heart and soul; and treat others as you would have them treat you.

The Christian message is an easy one it can be simplified into three words. God is Love.

Answer 3

you treat them w/respect, as you know they should be treated, not how they deserve to be treated. at the same time, you need to decide how much interaction you have with them in order to maintain the relationship while still protecting yourself.
i struggled w/the same issue for quite some time before coming to a place where i had to make a choice and i decided to be respectful but not to be a doormat. I set firm boundries for both my behavior and what i would accept from my parent. If those boundries got crossed, i would either make myself apologize if i was at fault, or make myself forgive even though my parent never admitted wrongdoing.
there were times i would not see the parent for 3 months at a stretch due to immaturity and stubborness in each of us.

Now that that parent is deceased, i am very glad that i made the effort to keep a relationship even though it was very difficult and often very painful. towards the end we got along quite well all things considered.

Answer 4

Why you are asking I don't know but I will tell you what I know. I long ago came to terms that my father was never my ideal of what a father should be....really not even half of an ideal. He isn't even half an ideal of what a grandfather should be (to my children). That probably makes me sad more but what can I do? My other family members would say "doesn't this bother you..." or "how can you still talk to him.." He isn't going to change. He never saw any problems. What is it going to do to me if I continue to expect him to be different? Nothing. It just sets up false hope. I don't expect him to change anymore. You say how can you honor. Just treat him like you would a normal everyday person and the way you would like to be treated by people. Don't get into arguments. Spend whatever time you do with him and keep it cordial. That's what I do.

Answer 5

This is a perfect example of how what a particular religion demands that you do, in certain circumstances would go totally against what is right and proper. NOBODY should be told they have to show respect or obedience to somebody who deserves neither, because that person or persons are themselves behaving in ways that completely contradict what is right, morally and socially acceptable, and perhaps even going against what is legal.

I don't know what happened to something they used to call Common Sense, because this is also a very good example of a situation that sure does need some. If you are unfortunate enough to have parents whom you KNOW are behaving in ways that are beyond inappropriate, perhaps even downright ugly and antisocial, that right there is against the law because that kind of behaviour can be described as contributing to the delinquency of a minor, not to mention child neglect, perhaps even child abuse. How ridiculous would be it, for goodness sakes, for anybody to suggest that you should show "respect for" and "obedience to" anybody like that - whether it be your parents or anyone else in charge of you?

Understandably, children should always be expected to show respect and obedience towards parents who are doing their best to raise their children with good behaviour, good moral character, and all the qualities that will some day make them decent, honorable, contributing members of adult society. But it has to be recognised in this day and age, that there are sadly plenty of parents who are themselves NOT good and decent members of responsible society, and are setting a terrible example to the children in their care. This is where good old fashioned common sense and basic intelligence have to be used. What would be the accepted christian responsibilities of parents towards their children? That respect thing goes both ways, y'know. Nobody has any "god-given right" to inflict their own bad behaviours on somebody else, and it doesn't matter if that "wrong-acting" person is a complete stranger, or a very close family member. Neither is anybody bound by a "god-given" obligation to suffer ugly behaviour, even at the hands -- I would say ESPECIALLY at the hands of a parent.

Answer 6

Even though your parents are not worthy of respect that does not change Gods laws. The devil is laughing at you; remember, the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. You just need to pray to God even though you are having a rough time. Honor your Parents the best that you can, and in the end, everything will be justified.

Answer 7

Before you detach yourself from them emotionally and otherwise, you forgive them. Then you move on and try to be the best that you can be. Do not let them affect your life. I don't think that the word honor means, for you to be a doormat, for you to accept bad behaviour, for you to take any kind of abuse, mental or otherwise. It means, take yourself out of this picture, if you are old enough, and pick a place where you can grow and florish. If you want to, you can "honor" them from afar.
Don't struggle with this too long, but thereagain it is according to how old you are and what your situation is.

Answer 8

Honor does not mean you have to approve of their lifestyle, it doesn't even mean you have to love them. Honor only indicates that you acknowledge this person is your parent and therefore due certain things by virtue of their role.

This means you have a duty to your parents. Your duty is not tied to how you feel about them or your approval of disapproval. It only means that you carry out your obligation to them.

You should honor your parents, help them if they need it, care for them in their old age and pray for them always. That is really all that is required of you.

Answer 9

Honor is not always the same as obedience. The Bible also says to obey your parents in the Lord.

To honor them is to respect them for their position of authority in your life. To obey them is good as long as they don't ask you to do anything contrary to the Word of God. If it comes to that, you have to respectfully and humbly disobey, but with love for your parents, and with an understanding that you are willing to receive whatever discipline they hand out. The Bible says it is better to be punished for doing good, then for doing evil.

God bless you, and stay close to Jesus above all else.

Answer 10

I only had one parent who did NOT deserve my respect or love. I guess you could say I use to put up with my mother just to visit my father, especially after my son was born. Although when my dad passed I DID give my mother the attention she qualified for as ' MOM' ... When that wasn't enough for her (because she was always very selfish) ... I left it up to her sons. There are times when you feel you must .. Mother's day ... I never got my mother a card that said I love you because ... ... but her card would say happy mothers day anyway. I have managed to be comfortable with this. When I have someone asking me why/or how... I just explain that she has taken everything she deserved so how things WERE NOT GOOD when I was young... You reap what you sow... and that came back at her big time.