Can I end a Christmas family tradition, cause my family is lousy?

Question

my family is catholic, my cousin married a jewish lady, has 2 kids, Their both Jewish, its theire relegion.
Its been a tradition that me, mom and sis go to my Aunts house for christmas every year, buy and recieve presents from her, her husband, two wives and my two cousins.
Why should i buy presents for kids who are Jewish and dont beleive in Jesus? it seems fake.
Also my cousins wife always acts like she doesnt want to be there, she always makes faces and tries to pick a fight with me. last christmas she yelled out to me, who do u think u are, dressed up? My other cousin is distant and just hides with hise wife, whispering to his wife,,then he starts bombadring me with personal questions like hes a judge, and im lying
Im 23 now and questioning all this, also i never see or hear from these people besides christmas.
Isnt it wrong to buy jewish people x-mas presents? why are they celebrating christmas with us.?
i think me, my mom and sis should end this tradition and do our own christma

my mom says she has to go to her sisters house forever because its required and if she doesnt she faces consequences and they will be mad.

Last year, my cousins wife called me a tramp (for no reason)in front of everyone, me and my sis got upset and left, my Mom stays with them for 3 days and said nothing, she told me she doesnt want to get anyone mad.

Whats wrong with my mom, am i right, why cant we have our own family x0mas?

my dad is dead btw

Answer 1

You are right. Your mom should have a backbone and have her own christmas celebrations in her own home.

Answer 2

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving we always set up the Christmas decorations. From the fake tree with it's decorations to the 50 different nutcrackers (my dad collects them). There were 4 children in my family and my parents would take each of us seperately to pick out a gift for each of our siblings. So on Christmas Eve the kids gave each other the gifts they picked out for the other ones. And then our parents would give us each a new set of Christmas pajamas to wear to bed. The Christmas traditions are what I do with my children now and hope they will live on. Also, on Valentines Day we always got a treasure hunt to find a small toy at the end. And Halloween we would have "the Great Pumpkin Man" come at night while we were sleeping and leave us a small toy and some candy... (because in Minnesota it may snow and you never know if you're going to be able to go trick-or-treating). Holidays when we were younger were so memorable... I loved it... and my kids love it now.

Answer 3

Hi Jett City, If you feel you must go (I wouldn't), buy the kids their presents shortly before Christmas for their Jewish holiday. I really don't know why they all bother to get together. Don't tell your mom you are not going until later. Go to a nice Christmas dinner with her and exchange gifts there. Just tell her you are still thinking about it. Don't forget to give the hostess a heads up that you may be unable to attend this year. What can you tell her?, maybe that you and some friends are planning a possible holiday outing that weekend. The next year they will not be surprised when something else also keeps you from going. Bow out gracefully if only for your poor mom's sake.

Answer 4

Dear Jett:

Its hard to understand at 23 how you mother is feeling but I would imagine its a little like this;

You only go through life once and while your family is with you you "tolerate" a lot of things. being with your family on the holidays is one of them.
Its hard to understand until you lose a family member what the meaning of "family" is.

Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Baptist, its all the same on a holiday you celebrate "family" not just the religous aspect of the holiday.

Your religious beliefs are celebrated in the church of your choice but your family comes together less frequently due to work schedules or where they reside or other things so that once a year is a gathering to see whats going on with the families.

If it bothers your aunt to your fashion trends why not for the one day or week whatever it is dress conservatively so that she will have no comments about your choice of clothing you probably won't see her for another year so its a small thing do do for the time you spend with your family.

As for your cousins they celebrate Jesus in another way but they do give small gifts out for the 8-day celebration so maybe you could get them 8 small gifts and wrap them in Hannakah paper and respect their religious beliefs and they would probably be very flattered that you did so.

For the short time we are on earth we should think of the little things that would make peoples lives happier and not only of overselves especially on the hoildays.

You should also take the time to have a "special" celebration with your sister and your mother at home or in a nice restaurant. The main idea is to have fun with your family and remember the day. Have your own Christmas celebration with your mother and sister but be open to new ideas with your "whole" family unit also.

hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 5

Speaking from experience, I think you would benefit greatly if you started your own Christmas tradition. If Mom wants to continue as she has in the past, just let her, but it sounds like it will probably only get worse as the years go by, so starting now will save you a lot of unnecessary stress in the future. Get a group of friends together to go skiing or to the beach or to Vegas. Do something that YOU want to do. There's really no reason for you to be unhappy during the holidays and if your family traditions make you unhappy you need make a change. You don't even need to make it known how unhappy you are with tradition, just make it sound like you have a wonderful opportunity to do something different for the holidays!

Answer 6

OF course you could have your own celebration..... if everyone involved agreed. The problem is that this isn't what your mother wants cuz she cares too much about "making the other family members angry". There are some ppl who are just like that, they care too much about what others have to say about them (totally wrong, in my opinion) and can't handle their family conflicts. You can't change this. But you're old enough to make your own decisions and, if your mother cares more about THEM getting angry and not YOU (her daughter), then I guess you should do your own celebration with your sis or whomever you prefer without actually caring whether your mom gets mad or not. Otherwise, if you continue attending these parties you don't want to attend, you'll be perpetuating your mother's behavior (i.e. doing something you don't really want only in order not to piss off other people, in this case your mother). Of course you don't have to stand rude behavior from no one, whether they're family or not....... you're entitled to have your own celebration, go to a friend's or BF's house or whatever..... DO IT and don't continue with this tradition only to please someone else if this is not what you want. Don't make your mom's same mistake..... good luck.

PS.- i don't think that religion has anything to do with Xmas, the family gathering has nothing to do with religion and if you were a nice family that got along you could perfectly get gifts for EVERYONE regardless of their beliefs..... they also have the right to have a family celebration whether they are catholic or not. But then again, it's also your right NOT to attend if you don't feel comfortable around this ppl.

Answer 7

Well, if you don't like the tradition than stop going. If you don't feel welcome or appreciate buying gifts for people you see once a year than STOP. If you resent buying gifts for people that don't believe in Jesus than give a gift in their name to charity ! That way you're still giving a gift to someone in need but, they aren't the recipient. Also, ask that your aunt NOT buy you gifts. Rather spend the time together as a family and forgo the gift giving if you simpy MUST go. However, you are old enough to at least end the tradition with you being there.. Good luck

Answer 8

The real problem is with your mother. She is putting her sister and old traditions first and her children second. Ideally she should listen to your issues- which sound valid, and start a new tradition. If you can't reason with her, perhaps you and your sister can spend Christmas Eve with your Mom, and let her do the family thing on Christmas Day, and you can do something with just your sister on Christmas. If your Mom is unhappy about that, well, she has the opportunity to change too, and opted for the same routine. And as an adult, you can't be forced to go against your will to old routines.

Answer 9

I think you should do whatever is right for you on Christmas. It sounds like you would all (at least you, your mom, and your sister) would be happier just having your own celebration.

As far as giving gifts to non-Christians, there are a LOT of non-Christians who get gifts during this holiday. The gifts aren't about Christ, they are about the commerical aspect of Christmas that says you have to get everyone you know a gift.

BTW, Jewish kids have Hannukah where they get 8 gifts in 8 days.

Answer 10

My guess is that the Jewish members of your family are celebrating Christmas with you because they want to support a family activity and get together with family members. Since you don't see some of your family members except at this time of year, it's an even better reason to get together with them at least once. It's not inappropriate to give gifts to people, whatever the time of year. Giving gifts to people is a way to show that you are celebrating. In fact, I think it would be quite rude to give gifts to one part of the family and not another, unless they specifically requested it.

Answer 11

I find your attitude of "they are Jewish why should they get presents" quite rude and presumptuous of you.

Christmas is about giving.

It should not matter what faith anyone is.

However, you can make your OWN Christmas traditions. If you want to start your own, go for it. If you don't want to give gifts, then don't.