I'm a young mother- I was nineteen when my older girl was born, 21 when my second was born. I'm a stay at home mom,but I'm also in college. I take night and weekend classes so my husband is here with the kids while I'm at school. He works full time and we rely solely on his income, which isn't a lot. We get by fine- without government help, but we don't have any "fun money." I think of other kids that have more and I know that we'll be able to give them more when I'm out of college and working. Right now they're really young- not even in school yet- so they don't realize they don't have as much as other kids. They're not neglected or anything, they just don't get every new toy that comes out, and they wear store-brand clothing.
Do most couples go through a time like this? I feel sometimes like we made a mistake by having our kids so young and that we're cheating them out of something.
2007-11-01 08:03:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am a firm believer that no child is a mistake. I want to commend you for using the income that you do have and taking care of your family. So many parents your age are not doing this. I think that government assistance should be used when necessary, but obviously you and your husband are intelligent enough to budget your money and not need it. I came from a home with 5 kids and not much money. We didn't have the huge Christmas's, never got the brand new toys and used hand me down clothing....and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I feel like it gave me a real appreciation for the things that I earn. I never felt less loved by my parents. In fact, I think that my feelings for them were deeper because I saw how hard they struggled to provide a home for us. Good luck and it sounds like you are a great parent!
2007-11-01 08:15:46 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley W 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're not, don't worry. Remember, kids need their parents, not things. My aunt had three kids and worked all of the time - she had a triple didget income and her kids had every thing under the sun - everything except their mom that is - and they were miserable, unhappy kids. Kids need to feel like they are loved - that's what matters - not the brand of clothes they wear or how many toys they have. I had my kids young too ( I was pregnant with our first at 19 and now I'm 22 years old and am expecting baby #2) because my husband is quite a bit older than me (he's 28) and wanted to have kids before he was over the age of 30. I too am a stay at home mom and I am attending college full time too ( 17 credit hours evenings and nights). I used to work as a nurse, up until my daughter was 18 months old and now that I am staying home, she is so much happier, even though she doesn't get all of the cool toys or the designer clothes - she has someone who loves her who is with her every day. THat's what matters - that you are being a parent to your children. Stuff is just that - stuff. A parent though is someone who will mould a child into who they will be for the rest of their lives. Take it easier on yourself - you're doing just fine and you are giving your children the best that you can by staying home with them.
2007-11-01 15:16:45 · answer #2 · answered by ~*Mrs. GM2*~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way you cheat them out of anything is by not spending time with them or showing them you love them. Those are better than anything money can buy.
I'm a stay at home mom too. I have 3 kids but one has already left to live on her own the other 2 are with me.
I know the tough times. I've never seen the other side of the tracks where most of middle and upper class society live and have lived on and off of the system for help.
My kids know it and they accept it because I am always here when they come home from school.
My fiance is the only one working right now since my health has declined and it gets tough.
The thing that hurt my feelings the most was telling my kids "no" or "we can't afford that". I felt like a worthless skank that can't have enough to get by and provide the nice things for them.
It does have an effect on your psyche but you will get through it.
Kudos on going to school and making things work for your family. Best of luck!!
2007-11-01 15:30:55 · answer #3 · answered by squishy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't have my children young and we are a double income family but just the same as yours our children wear store-brand clothing and don't get all the latest toys. In fact we choose new toys & games carefully for birthdays & christmas which is the only time they get them!
Your children have a huge plus over mine - they have you in the day and their Dad at night. Mine are at school/nursery and after-school care. When I pick them up I am tired after a full day at work, we spend about 30 minutes reading/playing and then they go to bed. Because I am out all week we spend the weekend doing the shopping and chores - they get to do fun stuff with us just once in a while.
Enjoy spending time with them while you can, they don't need desiger clothes or fancy toys to know that you love them or to have fun. Go to the park, go for walks, collect things, get cheap craft materials and make christmas cards, gifts for friends etc - saves money as well as being fun!
2007-11-01 15:41:23 · answer #4 · answered by Ginger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you've done anything wrong at all... I am young, have one son, and can't wait to have another baby. I think young families are much better than older families (although that is preference - no offense meant.)
You'll be able to participate in so much more of their lives... they don't need new toys and savings bonds, they need fun, active parents. You'll be around, and a young healthy gramma when their babies come, and you might even get to see a great grand baby. I think you're doing just fine.
Even if you did have all the money in the world, they shouldn't always get new toys, and you shouldn't let them know you have too much money. They have to learn what its like to work hard and earn everything you have!
2007-11-01 15:16:56 · answer #5 · answered by amber 18 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK GET REAL
I and a SAHM and was a single mother for 6 years before i married had my first when i was 22
I own my own house, and we are strapped for money
my husband is an accountant so he earns good money
my 2 little guys are 3 and 18 months
I buy my kids clothes at walmart and the second hand store,
www.freecycle.org
great place to get some hand me downs for free
I look on the internet for free things to take my kids to
or very cheap,
camping,hiking, swimming, walks,
ALL FREE
There is no reason, for you too feel like they are missing out,
THEY AREN"T
NO ONE can afford to live la vida loca
its called creditcard debt
Please stop feeling sorry for your kids,
THE BS you see on TV is not real, NO ONE is living like that
SURE when you graduate school your gonna get a good job and you know what you are still gonna be broke,
So enjoy your kids now, enjoy this life, because honestly,
THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS.
They are only small once
Meg
Mother of 3
2007-11-01 15:42:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids don't need to be "rich" (have material things) in order to be happy. Don't believe that for a minute - although the world view would have you believe that. Kids need attention and TIME with their parents. Interaction. Playing. Taking an active and full part in their lives. Give them love and attention, teach them right from wrong, and it will never, ever matter how much money you have to spend on them. Most parents nowdays overload their kids with so much material crap because they feel guilty for not spending enough time with them (because they're too busy working like crazy to keep up with the Jonses)
2007-11-01 15:26:18 · answer #7 · answered by Scott W 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Relax, kids don't need every new toy that comes out. They need parents who love them and spend time with them. I had my first at 19 and my 2nd at 21. Then I was a single mom and I felt the same way. We did a lot of things together. I made lots of games to play with them. We went on nature walks and to the lake. We told stories and made them up as we went along, we bought a cheap tent and went camping instead of on expensive vacations. We checked books and videos out of the library and spent time cuddled on the couch reading or watching movies.
I am older now and expecting my 5th child. I am able to give them more now, but honestly we still enjoy playing games, reading, watching movies and going camping or on nature walks....
Give them yourselves, not toys. You will never regret it.
2007-11-01 15:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by Willow 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for working so hard for a better future for all of you. It does get easier particularly as your children grow, get more and more independent and can help out with chores. Material stuff has it's place but children who get too much have their values skewed. Much better to teach children decent values and a strong work ethic and save the material stuff for occaisional treats. No-one ever complained of being loved too much as a child. The most important thing you can give you children is your love and undivided attention.
2007-11-01 15:16:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the two of you are their care givers, you are giving your kids more than most get to receive.
Things aren't everything. Be creative with what you have and your kids will grow up blessed.
Like you said, you can do more later. And when they are older that may be more important. Right now, enjoy spending time together and have fun!
:o)
2007-11-01 15:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa D 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋