Daughter is 22 and will graduate from university this spring with Arts degree and has said has no intention of getting a job after has made a wedding budget for 60 guests with a budget of 14K that includes a 4K honeymoon to take place in August of 2008.
Daughter and fiance (who is architect) have already put down 1K on deposits and say that is their contribution. His family said they will contribute 5K. Her mother will be contributing nothing (says can't afford to). She expects Dad, who she has not spoken to in 4 years until she called to announce the engagment and relay the costs, to pay the rest. Wedding will be held 1200 miles return trip from where Dad lives and he will also incur travel and accomodation costs (approximately 1K). Dad can barely afford the travel/accomodation costs. Dad feels if he does pay his daughter will not speak to him again and he will be critized by his family and her mother's family.
What is Dad to do about daughters wedding he can't afford?
2007-11-01 07:47:20 · 43 answers · asked by laurel2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Daughter is estranged because she was physically, mentally and verbally abusive to members in family and Dad. She was to apologize before door is to open again to her again, calls only for money.
2007-11-04 04:54:43 · update #1
Tell her he can't afford it and start replanning.
2007-11-01 07:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by wizjp 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Tell her he can't afford it. She should start replanning, because you can make a wedding look like 14k for a lot less. And really if anything the couple should grow up a little and take on some of the responsibility. It is going to be their life together. Besides she should have thought about the money situation long before making any decisions in stone.
I work in a bridal boutique and have seen and helped out on a lot of beautiful weddings that looked very expensive but were actually very easy on the budget. My suggestion is to maybe have her look around at other options. Because if dad can't afford it they shouldn't have any right to criticize the dad and have him pay more than they are willing to put up for the wedding.
2007-11-01 10:09:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I would contribute anything. If she has not spoken to you in four years. Then she has just realized she does not have enough money for that big expensive wedding she has always dreamed about and she is going after anyone she can to get money. My brother got married 3 years ago and probably only spent around $2000 for the wedding and and probably another $1500 for their honeymoon. They had over a hundred guest and had a really nice wedding. Your daughter needs to redo her wedding planning and come up with a budget that they can really afford. If you are the father, then I would suggest giving them a small gift of money that your budget would allow and explain to your daughter that is all that you can afford. If she wants that big of wedding then she needs to consider getting a second job of some sort to pay for it.
2007-11-01 08:02:38 · answer #3 · answered by Laughing with you not at you 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She is a college graduate. It is her decision to not get a job. What a waste of money spent on an education that she will never put to use. As far as the father paying for the wedding. I would say that it is very selfish of her to expect that. She hasn't spoken to him in 4 years. Maybe she should consider getting a job and paying for it herself. Or better yet, plan a wedding that she can afford on the money she has now.
2007-11-01 22:13:29 · answer #4 · answered by sden2616 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom told me that if I wanted to get married, my fiance and I pay for it. She'll just contribute something (say my dress, or the invites), NOT pay for the whole thing! I never expected her to anyway. My fiance and I are both of age and we both have jobs/professions. My mom knows that I wouldn't make a decision to settle down if we couldn't support ourselves and had to rely on "Mommy dearest".
If you need to DEMAND that someone pay for your wedding, that is not showing much maturity, or stability (emotional and financial). I agree that this is a "BRIDEZILLA" alert. If you can't afford the $14k wedding then do what you can afford.
I always thought that BUDGETING for your own wedding makes you grow up a bit - with all the balancing the chequebooks and what-not. If she and her fiance can't even manage something like that, how do you expect them to manage a household together?
2007-11-01 16:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by doktorangbaliw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No he should not help her at all. If she wanted nothing to do with him for the past 4 years now all the sudden she needs help paying for her wedding. I would tell her no way. It's her loss not the dad's. And the dad I would hope won't feel guilty about not helping her either. .Why worry about her not speaking to again if she has not spoke to him in 4 years. And if his family and her mothers family criticizes him for not paying for her wedding then they need a reality check. She made her bed she needs to lay in it her lose not the dads. She should have thought about that 4 years ago. Besides if he can't afford it then he can't really help. Why risk going into debt for somebody who has had nothing to do with you until they need something? What an ungrateful little brat. If he wants to go to the wedding he should go but no way should he pay for her wedding. She should just cut back on somethings .
2007-11-01 07:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by dollbaby2407 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you cant afford to this. That you would love to be part of her special day but this is just not in your budget to do so. If her mom can get away with saying she cant afford it than why shouldnt you be allowed to do the same.
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding, when you pay for it yourself you learn to stick to a budge she can have a wonderful wedding for the 6k that she has. I think spending 4k on a honeymoon is CRAZY! We are having 50-60 people and have a 5K budget and so far we have actually come in under budget on a lot of stuff so it looks like it might be closer to 4K when we are done.
2007-11-01 07:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by Whit 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Dad needs to examine the reasons behind the estrangement. Did he cause it? Is he to blame? If so then paying for the wedding will probably go a long way to making amends with his daughter.
HOWEVER!!! If she is just a spoiled little ***** then perhaps it is time she learnt a hard lesson in life and that is there is no such thing as a free lunch. That you cant just expect to sit on your butt and let other people pay your way. If she wants this wedding so bad, then she needs to get a job and pay for it herself.
She wants to be an adult, well then she can do the adult thing and pay for her own "dream" wedding.
2007-11-01 09:56:13 · answer #8 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DEMAND?? No!! Estranged or not, no daughter has the right to make any demands on her parents. If these two aren't mature enough to take the responsibility for their own wedding, they aren't mature enough to get married, end of story. I'm a daughter, and I would never EVER demand anything from my parents; they have given so much of themselves already, I feel that it's my turn to be giving back! Wow.
Anything you wish to contribute would be going above and beyond your call of duty, and they should be grateful for it. Figure out an amount you can comfortably afford, and inform her of it. Both she and her soon-to-be-husband need to grow up and stop mooching off of other people.
2007-11-01 08:19:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Easy, and the fact that the daughter is estranged doesn't even factor into my answer. If Dad can't afford a 14K wedding, then Dad can't afford it. Period, end of that discussion. You can't get blood from a stone, as it were.
Daughter needs to re-evaulate her wedding plans, and try to earn the money herself. My brother and his wife each worked a 2nd job during weekends while they were planning their wedding. It worked out great, and they paid for every last bit of it. We were all so proud of them both.
2007-11-04 13:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a greedy little brat. First of all, parents are not required to put any money toward their children's weddings. Anything they feel like contributing is a GIFT. I can't believe she hasn't spoken to you in 4 years, but expects you to drop $8,000 on her wedding!!
I wouldn't be too concerned about her being mad at you for not being able to afford it. Chances are good that even if you do shell out the dough, she still won't talk to you. It seems to me that she is way too concerned with appearances and the wedding, and not at all concerned about the marriage. That's terribly sad and pitiful.
I know you'd like to reconcile with your daughter, but you can't buy her back--even if she gives you a price tag.
Good luck.
2007-11-01 16:00:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋