why am i being socially excluded from society?

Question

im 30 i have borderline personality disorder, PTSD, never made any friends in life, never had a partner...never been employed...never gained any qualifications....im bald, have aged badly have physical imperfections...two missing teeth. front bottom row.
as i try to pursue therapy and treatment...i stay here in my one bedroom apartment...locked away from society because of bad anxiety and panic....scared to go out......no one to turn to.
and its like no one cares.....im just being allowed to rot..

people go about their happy lives...ive missed out big time and i feel extremely angry and bitter..
im just shut out of society...i look 45 and im just 30...with my history how will i ever get a top job at this late stage?
how will i fullfill goals of emigration away from the uk to build a new life?
how will i find happiness, love, acceptance and a loving partner?
i canse sense its the end of the road for me, and im sensing others sense it to.
thats why im being shut out of society

Answer 1

Hi I often look out my window and think about how it would be so great to be like everyone else walking down the street. These days its not so bad but its took a lot to get back out there. although I do understand how hard it is for you, you have to know that we all have choices in life and it is you who chooses not to go out there. Yes I know how hard mental health problems are but sometimes you have to push yourself that step forward to move on and take part in life. I would recommend that you go and have DBT (Dialectical behavioral therapy) it really can change your life for the better. take care good luck

Answer 2

I think you have to first find a way to calm yourself. Then you need to accept yourself and avoid being so self-conscious. You are what you are. People don't like it? That's tough for them.

As for being socially excluded from society, I, too, am that way. However, I don't care. I simply don't give a f*ck. I've attempted suicide, and I've decided I don't have time to give a f*ck. Society doesn't want to include me? That's tough for them because I'll be barging through any way.

This may not be what I should do, but I have accepted that I don't have friends, and that I don't have a partner and that I'm not employed and so forth. I have not given up HOPE, though. I also have been scared to go outside, but I know I must and since I must in order to survive, I do. It's not comfortable and yes, I do panic, but if I am to take care of myself, I must go outside.

With that said, you have to develop a plan to get where you want to go. It's going to involve research, reading and looking around. If you're willing to do this, then you'll be able to make it in some way. Also, it might help to think about some strategies to combat your anxiety, panic and fear.

Also, it can only be the end of the road for you, if you give up. You still have some time, so stop worrying about time and try to get something done. You can do it....

Anyway, if I missed the mark on your question, then sorry! Otherwise, I hope this helps in some way.

Answer 3

What do you want people to do exactly? And which people? You are being excluded from society because you are excluding yourself. Ask your therapist about support groups you could join as a way to begin socialising and possibly making a real live friend. It's a start.

Answer 4

You are being shut out because you have shut yourself out. How are people supposed to even know you exist if you make no efforts. They aren't going to just come to ur door randomly. Lots of people suffer the same aliments you do, however if you want these things in ur life, you have to reach out and go for them. Noone is just handed a social life, or a top job, or social acceptance, they get out there and go for what they want. i'd sujest you do the same vs. rotting away and blaming everyone else for your decision to feel sorry for urself and use these ailments as an excuse. Why are you so insecure about how you look? Everyone has flaws and has things about themselfs they don't like, but it's no excuse to not wake up everyday and feel beautiful and go face life. Life is a gift, stop wasting it in your home all alone, take ur meds. and work on going after ur dreams.

Answer 5

yes a new area is a good idea but dont get shut up there too before you leave look for job options and volunteer work that will help you meet people. you may have some trouble but i think it would be best to gain friends or just people that could be friends then tell them about your disorder so they can understand. i would leave it out until you find a somebody that could be a real friend or partner so they wont take it as you wanting attention although putting that out there they might try harder to get to know you. you dont have any confidence man get some try doing something you can excel in try music or work out that will help you gain confidence both mentally and physically. for girlfriends or the boyfriend sense try on line dating i know some swear its lame but that will help you become more flirty. try it out it will be a start for either a hit or miss. remember you will fail in some areas but that just helps you find the place where you excel. stay away from big cities its easy to get lost but not so small that the chance of meeting anybody is slim. do some research look for places that appeal for you. maybe share a flat with a stranger on Craig's list you both will be open to new friends and jobs

Answer 6

Where is your family in all this? Or if you have no family, where is the social worker or therapist who is responsible for your care? You should be getting medication and therapy to at least enable you to leave your apartment without panic and anxiety.

I feel for your pain. I'm pretty reclusive myself, and have had friends (and a husband) who were also quite reclusive. But the Internet does provide you with a link to the world beyond your walls, so you did the right thing to reach out to us.

Now take heart and go one step further. Call your doctor and insist that something be done to help you. If your doctor does not provide an adequate response, call a cab and get to the emergency ward of the hospital. Tell them you have been neglected, and you need to talk to someone at once. Don't scream, don't go crazy, but be firmly insistent. You need help and it's their job to find it for you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You're talking yourself out of it.

The only person who can make these changes is you. I hate to sound like somebody's Dad or dance instructor, but YOU are the only person who can make this change in your life. There are so MANY wonderful things out there to be a part of.

If you learn how to quit panicking long enough to take the steps necessary to get a pet, or get a part-time job, or volunteer at a local charity - you can do this. It will happen.

Good luck my friend. It will take a lot of courage, but it must have been a tumultuous thought to even cry out here on the Internet. Your cry has been heard. The question is, can you run to the voices of comfort? Or will you continue to hide without pride?

I trust you will make the good choice.

Answer 8

First of all you must see your doctor. He or she is he one to diagnose you. You are probably so low in esteem you have become depressed.

You know, you are the only one who can get you out of the rut. You must try very hard to go outside. If you make it outside you will find that people are not all bad.

I do hope you will try. You can change your life. You can go and get those teeth fixed. Only you think you look 45.

Have your ever seen those make-over programmes? The people in those programmes become beautiful just from wearing different clothes and hair styles. Then when they see themselves all made up in different styles they smile and they are beautiful.

A wonderful smile, it makes everyone look better. Try it.
Before thinking of getting away from UK.

Face what you have first of all. Take a step at a time.

By the way people who look as if they have it all, happy lives, looks, family. Never judge the outside - inside they may be as insecure and unhappy as you are. Believe it or not YOU could probably help THEM. You would be surprised what talents you may be not using.
I hope you feel better soon.
Good Luck

Answer 9

You are obviously aware that you have a problem and it is up to you to change it. If you keep thinking negative that will be your result. Think POSITIVE!
If you feel medication will help with the anxiety give it a shot, but it isn't a fix. Get out of the house and meet people- even a quick trip to the store is a start, then make it a goal to say "hi" to two people then make a goal of a 2 minute general conversation- You know your goals make a path to reach them and think positive!

Answer 10

It would help yourself if you were to actually involve yourself with others in some way and as a result, allow others to see something in you worthy of their care.

This isn't the 'Ideal' of what we think a caring society ought to be about, but it's one of the ways this thing (called 'Society') seems to work.

You wrote that you feel 'angry and bitter,' and that I can understand, however, you might help yourself if you were able to locate the target of these emotions and address them with it.

Years ago, for over nine years, I did a lot of group therapy work and found that many people who expressed feelings like yours had nowhere to put those feelings (they could not identify 'their targets'), and in the end, it was at their own feet where 'their blame' had to rest. But it also helped them in understanding that this 'blame,' if changed into a none~accusatory statement, helped them see it as the 'reason(s for this or that.'

I'm trying to put this in as short a form as possible ~

If you had Polio, for example, then it is pointless to try and 'blame the virus' for your illness and its results. It is the reason for it, it simply does what it does, and you'd be just the victim of it.

As for your list of 'How's,' I've no idea, but in order to make headway, you have to stop yourself seeing yourself as the Victim and do something positive towards changing your own predicted future.

I wish you well.
Sash.