Our relationship of 3 yrs was not going great ,and he wanted to improve it .And i have put a condition that till the time its back to normal , we would not be physical.
But when i told him this today, He completely freaked out. I have never seen him like this.He is not those desperate guys. He said he wants the full package and only this can improve the relationship, if we were doing this before then why cant we do it now.
He then dumped me, though i cried begged, It sounds so sad when i think about why we broke up today.( sex )
He told me i have put lot of conditons and this is spoiling the relationship.
What do i do ?
WHere was my fault in this ?
2007-11-01 06:39:32 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes we used to make out before but i just wanted a break till the time our relationship is back on tracks.
2007-11-01 06:45:30 · update #1
He says a great deal about what he really wanted and what was only important to him. You gave him an acceptable test and he failed it.
2007-11-01 06:42:41 · answer #1 · answered by Steve C 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Part of getting a relationship back on track is coming together in unity. One way of doing this is physical intimacy. You were unreasonable, and he was right for dumping you. If you do not want to be physically intimate with him, then you are not mature enough for that kind of relationship. You should stick to just being friends with guys until you develop a personal desire for physical intimacy. Otherwise you will be sending mixed signals and frustrating them. Romantic relationships are supposed to be about enjoyment between two people. It's not about whaty you can do for him or what he can do for you. It's about what you both can do for each other.
You need to learn to not treat sex and physical intimacy as a commodity (something to be exchanged for other services or withheld for punishment). That is not how a productive and mature relationship works. Sorry but your expectations were unrealistic.
2007-11-01 07:02:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your fault was that you started sleeping together in the first place. But, if he dumped you b/c you don't want to have sex with him until other issues are worked out then he's a loser and now you know why he was there in the first place. There is a definite distinction between love and lust and once you move from lust, you begin to see things a lot clearer. Things that were once okay aren't anymore and they need to be worked out.
My advice, don't worry about him 3years is a long relationship but if he can dump you b/c of sex, he's probably not worth it anyway.
2007-11-01 06:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by lady_che21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His deal is that you were having relations and then you used sex as a tool. If everything goes back to 'normal', then we can be physical. If you took him back after a break-up, then you have to start with a clean slate. No man I know would accept the statement 'If your behavior is good, you'll get sex'. Especially, if he's had it b/f from you.
You can't un-ring a bell......if you want this guy, then you'll have to treat the same as you did b/f you put conditions on the relationship. If not, move on. He'll never accept the relationship with conditions on it.
2007-11-01 07:00:47 · answer #4 · answered by Blue-eyed Stranger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear u didn't make any mistake. if u have asked for some time out of physical relationship, that's perfectly normal. U can always have it with ur bf and if he was careful to u, he would not have freaked out. Its just a matter of understanding. U should not have cried and begged to him.Do urself a favor, dont go back to him now. See if he comes back, if he doesnot, that means he never was eager to work out the differences and didnt ask for anything but sex from u. just wait till he comes back or not
2007-11-01 06:45:27 · answer #5 · answered by Niel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's made it clear that that's all that really mattered to him to begin with. You didn't do anything wrong, and I think it's good that the two of you broke up.
First off, he's a jerk. He only wanted you for one thing, and when you refused, he threw a tantrum. He's an immature baby, and he doesn't deserve you.
Also, NEVER beg any man to stay with you. You're giving them full power to take advantage of you, and you don't want to seem desperate. You were making him feel like he was actually of importance, and by treating you this way, he's clearly not. It's time to move on.
2007-11-01 06:51:00 · answer #6 · answered by Abby 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I don't know all the details, but I do know that people (men & women alike) do not like ultamadums, which is what this sounded like. Hopefully you will learn a lesson from this...never ever withhold sex in a relationship...that's not playing fair - it's only creating another problem and not solving the first one. Good Luck!
2007-11-01 06:44:59 · answer #7 · answered by Tina T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of this. It's an awful situation. But it looks to me like he has his priorities mixed up. You were right to follow what you feel; if things aren't right why do things that aren't helping. Sex can become a messy thing, so to speak, in a relationship. Sounds to me like he was depending on that alone to maintain the relationship. In the end I'll think you will be better off without this guy.
2007-11-01 06:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by Jennalove311 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well..if he really loved you, I think he wouldn't dump you over sex, especially when you're crying. Have you been leading him on though? You have to be a little fair. And you said you've gone out for like 3 years...even if you've had breaks in between, that's a long time for some guys. But I don't think its your fault.
2007-11-01 06:43:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweetheart......... you are having a relationship with a man.
He's not complex - most arent. He needs sex - most do.
If you refuse to experience touch with him, he has to make choices that will, likely, make you both very sad.
Next time - if you have a love relationship with a man, try to remember that he will want/need sex at some point. If this is not happy for you - dont start one.
2007-11-01 07:26:36 · answer #10 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the fault lies in having a close relationship with a man and not confirming the presence of a serious commitment prior to its inception.
why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? you just found out he was only after the milk.
2007-11-01 06:44:05 · answer #11 · answered by esoteric_knight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋