parents!! what would you do if your 13 yr old daughter.......?

Question

heya.
what would you do if you found out your 13 year old daughter had alchol or got drunk while going to a teenager club that she has wanted to go to since she was 11 but you wouldnt let her until she was old enough with her older sister?? and that her older sister supplied the drink?? and her older sister was 15. what would you do??

Answer 1

Okay so big sis got lil sis alcohol...If they were sick and drunk from it the next morning( ya know a hang over)..they had better be ready to work that hang over out..because it is cleaning time. And then they would both be grounded for a month. No TV or other electronics. Any type of entertainment would be taken out of that room. They would learn their lesson..one way or the other..

Answer 2

My brother started smoking pot when he was a young teenager and it was supplied by my other brother. That was 15 years ago. Then recently my brother was fired based on a drug test. If you think what happened does not have implications 10 - 15 years down the road then I ask you to think again.

Grounding first and foremost. That club is forever off limits. Be heavily involved in what your kids do. They are either home, or you are out with them, or if they do go to someone's house it is someone you would trust with your child's life. Not just the Mom of some kid your kids know from school. My brothers did the things they did because there was no one home to see what was going on. And when they went to a friend's house we just assumed that is where they stayed. But as the older sister I knew they were either at a party, or driving for fun to another city.

It's not called friending. It's called parenting. They may hate you, but that is part of parenting. And you aren't worried about what they will be like at 14 or 16. You're worried about what they will be like at 25 and 35. Good luck!

Answer 3

The people who are "yelling" at you have no right to berate your parenting, because I'm sure they don't do everything perfect either. Your daughters are getting to an age where they are wanting more independence, and more control of their own lives. Now is not the time to be their friend, it is time to step forward and say, "No, I am not going to allow this in my home." Kids have different personalities that reflect what they want to do, and how they want to do it. Let them. Within reason. Let your daughter have friends over, where you can monitor them, watch what they're doing, without hovering. Know that they can want to do things, but as their mom, you are not going to let them do whatever it is they want to do. When they get older, and show that they can handle the responsibility of staying out later, or going out with friends, that's when they can do more of what they want.
I just want to stress again, that this is not the time to be their friend. Let them know that you, and only you, are in charge, and that they will have to abide by your rules. If this is the first time that this has happened, let them off with a warning, and tell them that the next time this happens there will be severe repercussions. Think about what they will be, and tell them. Make sure that you stick to it though, or you will lose any and all control.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Teenagers drink, whether you ground them/yell at them/never allow them to go to that club again...they will find a way, trust me!Wouldn't you rather know where your children are and what they are doing then have them sneaking behind your back and going places that you don't know? Please for the sake of all of you mental healths...don't freak out and yell at them. What you should do is talk to them and let them know that you're mostly concerned for their safety. Ask you older daughter where she got the booze from(although she most likely won't tell you) You have to realize that if they have already started to drink, they aren't going to be stopping anytime soon. The best thing you can do is educate them on how to be safe and how to limit themselves. That's all I can say, then all you have to do is trust them. There still has to be limits, but I can say from experience that I'd rather have had my parents know where I was and what I was doing then being oblivious and unaware. Another thing you should tell them is that if they ever need anything while they're out, that they can call you anytime, and you'll be there for them, no matter what the situation. That's what kids really need is supportive parents, that understand what it's like to be a kid. If you give them the knowledge to be smart and safe, they will be. If you arm them with knowledge, they'll grow out of the drinking partieng scene. Kids will be kids and you have to realize that.

Answer 5

All young people eventually experiment with alcohol, so the sky isn't falling. This is a good time to have a long talk with your daughters about the use and abuse of alcohol, and how they have to learn to deal with it responsibly. You may even offer them to have a drink now and then at home, so they can learn about the effects in a safe environment.
Having said that, you should punish both girls for disobeying you and violating your trust. And of course hand out extra punishment to the older girl for seducing her sister. They may be too old for a spanking, but grounding them for a while, with no amenities, should do the trick.

Answer 6

Ground them both , the younger one for drinking the older one for supplying the drink, then explain to the young one that alcohol is as much a drug as something like marijuana and can do just as much damage to her body , then explain to the older one that you only let her sister go with her, because you thought that she could be trusted to watch out for her ,and that by getting the drink she has abused your trust , let you down and has to earn your trust again before you can let her and her sister go to this place again ,but keep your cool . also when they are allowed out again ask where they will be , not because you are checking on them but, because if any thing happens at home and you need them you know where to start looking .This worked with my two sons ,same age difference.

Answer 7

I would make sure they understood that you have lost total trust in them with your actions. Don't let them go anywhere without being chaperoned (by you or your partner, don't trust any other chaperone until you get your point across). That is once they come off a sufficient grounding.

You should also explain to them how disappointed you are in them for their actions (ie abusing your trust). Having someone disappointed by my actions was always much worse to me than having them angry with me.

I would definitely address this a little harsher with your older daughter. She is supposed to be setting a good example for your younger daughter and she blew it!

Good Luck, you sound like a responsible parent that was walked on. Take back the freedom you thought your daughters had earned and make them start all over gaining your trust.

Answer 8

Ground both of them. Rent the movie "kid's" which is about wha tkids do and what can happen, its been around for awhile. I'd talk to each seperatly, and very very seriously. i'd find out where my 15 yr. old got the alchohol, monitor every move, look into their friends and if they should or shouldn't be hanging around them. If needed to make that happen, I'd talk to their teachers. They'd be introuble for a long time, because that defies trust and the older one wasn't looking out for her sister at all, she needs to learn and understand what could have happened and also I'd consider taking them both to the police station and have a cop talk to the about things that could happen. This isn't something that would be taken lightly, trust is everything and so is safety, and the best way to teach is to help them understand why, not just grounding or yelling, they need to get it, or they wil rebel and do it again. Take away privilages also, older on if drivers permit, NO driving, no privilages period. School work chores tht would be it for awhile.

Answer 9

What would I do?

First, the kids would be grounded. No phone. No TV. No social events for about two months. They cannot even think about parties or fun. Also, if I were you, I'd get them to do chores that they don't like. I'm not talking about breaking any child labor laws but, have fun with it.I would slowly give back privileges as they earned them. I would not offer leniency until the two months were up.

I would also report this 'teen club'. They should no be providing children with alcohol. They should also be monitoring their premises to make sure it's not getting snuck in. You should look into how you can get this place in trouble.

Answer 10

Have a heart to heart talk with them and scare them with the ugly effects of drinking not just physiologically but also morally. Sometimes kids get mad being nagged at by their parents. They hate it when their parents repeat themselves every so often but believe me this is the only way to get parental advice fixed in the teens' mind. It probably wouldn't be the last time you would catch them drinking but your repeated words would be the only ones that would ring in their heads each time they engage in the same activity and it could lessen their tendency to yield to peer pressure.