How do I handle the friction between my father and my son?

Question

I have a bit of a dilema. My wife and I were briefly divorced a couple years ago before getting re-married. While we were apart, she got pregnant, but we were remarried long before he was born. I was there thru most of the pregnancy and actually the one who got to "catch him" in the delivery room when he was born. My name is on the birth certificate as the father, and since i am disabled and am a stay at home dad, I have spent every moment of his life with him and he is a big daddy's boy. He is my son and i would fight anyone who says different. My problem is that I live very clode to my parents and spend alot of time there helping my mother because my dad is dying, and he doesn't have much longer. I don't know if its because my son isn't bioligically mine, or what, but he shows a lot of partiallity to my other two kids.. It has gotten to the point that it really upsets me. My dad sees thati'm upset and doesnt understand why? I don't want to upset him in his condition. How do I deal?

I should add that my father has demencia, and wouldn't remember any conversation in two days time. If you already answered this before i got these details added, you can email me to change any advice

Answer 1

You have two options here. Dad is ill and dying, so is it worth bringing it up and upsetting him about it? If not, then the option is to just explain to your son that he is ill and doesn't mean the things he says and does and try to keep your son away from him.
The other option is when you do get upset, don't make a big deal out of it but next time he acts like he doesn't understand why, just tell him, "Dad you know you treat John Doe different than the other kids and it is very hurtful to him and upsetting to me." Then let it go.

Answer 2

The first answer is a good response. You do have to separate your concern for your dad's medical condition from your concern for the nature of his interaction with your son, and your feelings about this situation.

Having a talk with him, and expressing your feelings does not mean either of you have to be upset about it. But you do have to get your point across and to the best of your ability insure that your son is treated well.

Nothing in this situation is your son's fault.

Answer 3

Actually, your wife didn't do anything to you. You were completely seperated when she became pregnant. As they say, anyone can be a father, but it takes a true man to be a daddy. Same goes for gramps. Print this question out that you asked us and share it with your dad. Maybe he will then understand how important your (and I mean your) son is to you. I wish you and your wife many happy years together.

Answer 4

Get right to the point with your dad. Tell your dad that this child is just as much yours as your older two are, that blood means nothing. Perhaps your dad doesn't really dislike the child, but rather a constant reminder of something your wife did to you, his son, and maybe when you got hurt, so did he. Might ought to ask him that as well.

Answer 5

Hi... i'm sorry about your dad, and the situation.

There comes a point in all our lives where we have to accept others at face value, and realize they have their own feelings and ways they treat others.

Sure, maybe it's petty that your dad shows partiality to your other kids, but it's just his way, and acceptance is the key.

YOUR attentiveness and love toward the child is what matters.

take care.

Answer 6

i've got not got certainly one of those relationship yet I even have 2 associates whose fathers had sexual intercourse with them from an rather youthful age. regrettably, it does exist in this international and the themes those ladies have mentally and in existence now, i've got self assurance, promptly come from being sexually abused as little ones by the human beings who're think to maintain them risk-free. in case you or somebody you be responsive to is being abused in this way by a parent or all of us else, tell somebody, or inspire the guy to communicate up and placed a give up to it. purely then are you able to/them start to heal.