To SPANK Or Not To SPANK...?

Question

Hi, at the moment I'm 38 weeks along with my first little one and I need help!
Me and my husband have been having long talks about spanking our boy... I know its awhile off but I just wanted to get some outside opinions.
I wont tell you who believes what but one of us says that spanking is a natural form of punishment, nothing that would hurt the kid, but just enough to teach him no. He wont be able to understand if you just talk.
The other says that teaching him that hitting is a proper thing to do when someone does something bad, is wrong. It doesn't matter how light the touch.
We don't 'Fight' about it, but we just cant come to a common ground on this. I would rely like to have the issue sorted out before the baby comes.
I get the feeling he will find a way to play us off one another if we are not UNITED in our forms of punishment. The go to this parent and they say no, go to that one and they say yes kind of thing. ( I started doing it at 2yrs)
So what do you do? Spank or no Spank?

Answer 1

I have had parents use a combination of punishments. Here's how I've seen spanking used effectively and in conjunction with another punishment: when the child has done something extremely naughty, he/she is sent to a time out spot. While in there, mom/dad cool off and they explain to the child why they were placed in time out and why they will get a spanking. That way when the spankings are dealt, the child knows why they are happening and mom and dad aren't just spanking in anger because by that point, you've calmed down. As long as you explain why they are being spanked and why what they did was wrong, spankings can be very effective. With any punishment, make sure to make it about the child. Not, "you hurt mommy's feelings or Fred's feelings or made X sad." It should be something along the lines of, "you should be really upset that you did X behavior." It can be used effectively, but you need to think it out before doing it.

Answer 2

What a personal and serious choice. You are right in saying that is way off... but here is our take:

(FYI- Before we had kids I was of the opinion NO spaking)

We didn't need to spank until our kids were about 2 or so, and by spank I mean a swat on the but. We use it as a last resort, starting with a stern no, come here etc. Time our works sometimes, but not always. I take things away more that time out, works beter I think. Again we are talking 2 -3 and up. Just keep in mind common sense, if you make a rule stick to it, if you bend it once they expect you to bend it again..that's where the tantrums come into play. Don't reward bad behavior by giving in for example to the screams for candy in the checkout aisle (though it is tempting to do so). And what sadistic person put that candy there?? Evil I say.
ALWAYS ALWAYS present a unitled front..even when you don't agree.
Use these 2 statements before answering that question "Can I have" or "Can I" :
"What did your (mom/dad) say??"
"Mommy and Daddy need to talk about that, we will give you an answer later/tomorrow."
If you say come here, and your 2 year old says no, GO GET THEM ---that's yes!
But down the line when it comes up, the rare spanking, or swat on the butt, will have a greater effect than if it is always the answer.
Just remember if you say they are going to be punished tell them what is going to happen, and follow thru, don't make empty threats, kids wise up to that right away.
I hate it when I hear the mom at the store/park say (for the 7t time) "If you do that again we are going to have to leave" Oh good grief! LEAVE already, quit telling them you are going to leave if they do it again! They DID it again!, and again and again.... They know how far they can push, even earlier than 2, kids are scary smart..you'll see!

Answer 3

This is my advice to you, is choose the "no spank" route...as long as you can...BUT NEVER close the door to the possibility of one. You will have to get to know and observe your child and then you can figure out what kind of tactics to use. Some children are easy going and will "get it" with just a stern look or a "NO" but others are going to need a time out or loss of privileges. Yet there are some kids that are just down right stubborn and none of that works, or on occasion doesn't work and spanking is the right tactic to go.

If you do choose the spanking route my belief with it is you shouldn't use it as a DISCIPLINE tool...meaning to "teach" you should teach them without touching them. You should use spanking only for PUNISHMENT! Of course there are things that are exceptions like a child running into the street, or putting a hand up on the stove...yes then spank them...those are times you can;t "hope and pray" that a hands off approach will work.

The major part of spanking is to spank when you aren't anger!1 THAT'S HUGE!! 2 Always EXPLAIN WHY and always tell them HOW TO AVOID one in the future!

A spanking without love and instruction is just hitting which will do more harm then good. That WILL teach them that hitting is a proper way to handle their frustrations. However a true spanking without anger and with instruction can never teach them that and will not make them fear you.

Answer 4

Every child is different and you will have to find out what works with this child. I AM A BELIEVER in the POWPOW theory. I don't think my son got more than 2 swats in his life, but he knew that they were available. You cannot raise a child with NO discipline and it has to be one he understands.

If talking works... absolutely great! If talking does not work then you have to find something that does. I personally want to throw up when I hear someone say "he's in time-out".

I used to send my son to get me a switch so I could spank him, hunting a switch was very paintful for him. Not too big but too small and I would send him back to hunt a bigger one. Then I sent him to his room to await the spanking and I just never went to deliver. I guess that was his "timeout". I could not see spanking him when I was angry and after I got over my anger I didn't see the need to spank him.

Train your child like you do the dog. Reward good behavior and try to stop bad behavior. Sometimes it's hard to catch the good behavior because it's so scarse and fleating....just kidding.

One of my nephews was so sensitive a raised voice would correct any bad behavior...his brother you could, talk, screem, beat him to death and if he could breath ...he would fight you. Two kids, same family...entirely different personalities and entirely different corrections. Both are now grown and both wonderful guys. whew!!

Children cannot go through life living a monotone. They have to know that some things are work screeming about and some things just cannot be tolerated. I wanted my son to know I had eyes in the back of my head and I knew what he was doing at all times.

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Answer 5

i spank, but when you said the child wont understand if you just talk, well i disagree with that also. This is a debate that will go on forever and im not sure if you two will find a common ground. If one dosnt spank then so be it, the other one will. IF you are not arguing of the issue, then thats good. You will work it out when baby gets here and the one who dosnt spank is dealing with trying to talk to a toddler who is into everything and not listen to a calm voice telling him "no, dont touch"

Answer 6

I have an 11 month old daughter and both my husband and I agreed that we wouldn't spank... I will be honest with you and tell you that I don't believe in spanking... BUT, that's how I was raised.....You say that your son won't be able to understand if you just talk -- which isn't always true.. My daughter understands "no"...She knows what she can play with versus what she can't just from her dad and I telling her "no" when she was messing with things on the table or such and directing her towards something she is allowed to play with....... That's just my opinion....There is always time out or taking away a certain toy........... I don't have anything against parents who spank as long as they aren't hurting their children.

Answer 7

It depends on many things, but mostly you and your husband. If you take care of business from birth then you should have no problems. If the child is nurtured, but not spoiled I think the chances of behavioral problems a minimal. But, I am not totally sure on this. I have two nieces that were raised the same way. One has always been calm and passive, while the other one is active and aggressive. So you might have to spank, but I believe if your consistent and firm with your rules. You should be alright.

Answer 8

The first thing you have to decide is the definition of spanking... that will help you decide yes or no. Does spanking involve just your hand, while the baby is wearing his clothes, or does it include a belt, or whipping the child?
I'm not advocating either or neither, I'm just saying, make sure you define spanking first.

My husband and I have agreed that spanking will not be a common form of punishment, in fact we're 70% against it, but we said that we can do it if the situation is extreme and it involves their safety.
For example, if my child runs out into the road, I'm going to spank him, because I want the crap scared out of him... I can't chance him doing it again, he could be killed. I think that other forms of punishment are more of a learning tool than spanking, but I can't chance sitting down and talking with my son, or giving him time out for running out in the road...
just my opinion

Answer 9

I spank my children. Its an incredibly personal choice/opinion on the matter though. My husband and I both feel that a swat on the butt is a last resort form of punishment though. We don't go around smacking their little bottoms everytime they do one little thing wrong. Spankings are for more serious 'crimes'. That's strictly our opinion though. Everyone is different. You have to do what is right for you and your family. This is something you and your husband may NEVER agree on if you have two different views on the subject.

Answer 10

I do have faith in spanking a baby, as i replaced into spanked by using my mum and dad transforming into up. the actual situation is while to spank a baby. It should not be your customary device in self-discipline when you consider which you could deliver the incorrect message to the youngster, and any over used technique finally won't convey the needed substitute and the youngster could study to no longer do issues around you and not study what they did replaced into incorrect. regulations could additionally be included in the disciplining of the youngster.