If your husband told you this story, would you buy it?

Question

Last night I took my daughter trick or treating. My husband gets out at about 6-6:30pm. He calls me around 7pm asking where I was. I told him on the westside trick or treating. He asked with whom I was with. I told him my sister. He then immmediately threw a fit and said yeah right your somewhere else. Your probably flirting around. I got mad and said don't start and he hung up. I call him back around 8:30pm to let him know I was going home. His cell phone was off. I called his parents house because he said he would be there for a bit. My father in law answered and said he doesn't know if he's here cuz he just got in and he'll call me back. I didn't bother to call him nor did my husband bother to call me. It's 9pm and I fall asleep. I am awakened at 12something pm by my husband climbing into bed. I ask where he was...he said at his moms. I didn't want to fight so I just fall back to sleep. This morning we talk about it and he said he was at his moms and he fell asleep & came back home.

I talked to my mother in law to find out what was going on? She said that she didn't really notice what time he came in but it was late and he did stay there. What I want to know is what was he doing between the hours he got out of work and got to his moms house? I believe that he went out with his friends drinking? I have trouble believing him because he has lied to me recently and I'm slowly starting to trust him again..how can I if he acts like this. He always comes home and never stays out late.

I don't even know if I should believe his parents because they covered up for him in a way. They didn't tell me his real age when we first met. If they did this to me in the past why wouldn't they do it again. I don't think his dad would cover up though. They know how important our marriage is and especially for our daughter. I confronted hiim about this and he said the exact same thing and chanvged the subject. He said he thought I wanted to talk about something "more important."

Kate M. First of all I asked my husband to go with us trick or treating and he refused. He said he would just stay at his moms. So it was his choice. I think it's his way to go around with his "friends" and act "single".

Answer 1

Your husband sounds extremely immature to think that a mother would be doing anything else on Halloween BUT trick-or-treating with their child. You really need to get some marriage counseling because his jealousy is only going to get worse. A more mature father would want to join you and his daughter trick-or-treating and arrange to meet up with you all instead of blowing up at you. If you have a pasture or minister at the church were you got married, you could ask about marriage classes there. You two need to talk in the safety of a unbiased, third party.

Answer 2

No I don't buy it. Why would his father not know if he was there or not. He called you and picked a fight with you for a reason. To make you feel guilty for something he was about to do and to make him feel better about it. Don't you realize by now that most men twist and turn everything to make it seem like we are the one's with a problem all the time? He is messing around. You deserve better than this. Do you want your daughter to grow up seeing you being treated this way? This will make her weak and think that it's okay to put up with this type of behavior from men. You need to teach her how to be strong and independent. Leave the bastard before he leaves you.

Answer 3

I don't know he seems pretty quick to blame you for something you weren't doing. Men in general only start pointing fingers when they try to take the spot light off them. He could have called you, and if my husband came home at midnight I would be calling the place the next morning asking. And the father in law saying he didn't know if he was there or not, how big could that house be that you don't know if someone is there or not. He sounds like he was covering for him. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Get thee to the nearest couple's counselor.

You neither of you trust each other, which is not a good situation.

When you say "acting single" do you mean messing around? Or are you just talking about having a couple with his friends?

You two need to work out between you exactly what you each can do.

I'm inclined to say that he should be able to have a couple of drinks with friends now and then. Assuming that's what's going on.

But you both need to deal with your complete lack of trust in each other.

A professional can help you get to what's wrong.

Answer 5

Not without checking it out.
First of all you have to ask yourself whether his reaction is something that you find acceptable in a partner?
Second of all, the issue is not whether he slept at his mum's or not, rather, why do you both have trust issues in your relationship?
Third of all, if you really want to know; innocently ask his father why he didn't call you back the other night. Or else, innocently ask his mother something about "the other night when ... was staying at yours" and see what her reaction is.

Answer 6

Just call & ask his mom.

BELIEVE him.

Trust is taking the word of the one we love, because we trust them, we have faith in them.

You are not naive to trust him.

If he sees that you have faith & trust in him, he will respect you. Even if he is in the wrong. It will cause him to feel guilty.

Do right yourself.

Maybe he had other plans last night or had just wanted to come home to you & upon seeing you were not there, got upset.

Don't get mad at him for it. Just make up.

Treat him like he is a king & worth a million bucks.

Then, if he did do wrong, it will come out eventually.

Then again WHAT IF he didn't do anything wrong, wouldn't you feel bad?

Play it safe, sounds to me, like he came home from work & felt abondoned & then was upset you were hanging out with your sis & not him.

take it easy on him. Every man wants to come home to his woman & not an empty house. That is why he went to his moms for.

Does not sound to me, like he did wrong.

& I have experience with cons & liars, and you name it.

Answer 7

well I am a man and bieng so I have have gone through this and it is a crap shoot. You will probably never know for sure what he was doing or what his intentions were. I do know this for sure; If you cant trust him and he cant trust you, your relationship is heading down a path that the is no returning from. PERIOD. No counseling, No problem solving. you can never heal fractured trust it will always be in the back of your mind and when he is doing something completley innocent you will be thinking he is doing something else.

Answer 8

I can't say what your husband was doing, or whether he was telling you the truth or not.

I don't know him personally, and i suppose that if i knew more about his character, it would be easier to give a response.

You and your husband could talk about this further, and if you don't want to fight, let him know it's not about arguing, but you just want to respect and trust each other...

i hope it works out for you, hon.

Answer 9

it's hard to say. but if you feel in your gut that he's lying, you should go with that instinct. usually when your spouse/significant other accuses you of something, it's because they're feeling guilty of what they're doing. you could call his mom and ask her if they had a good time when he said he was supposed to be there, but there's a possibility that she will lie to protect her son. keep an eye out for other suspicious activity from him, and always trust your instincts.

Answer 10

If it were my husband that used that line.....

IF he had lied to me before & I had a hard time trusting him b/c of that... then, no, I wouldn't buy it.

But, then again, I would have a hard time believing anything a man says after he looses my trust, that's just how I am.

You don't need this stress, I'm sorry you're having to deal w/ this.