Was your father an alcoholic when you were growing up?

Question

If so, how is your relationship with him now?

My husband is 41. His father was an alcoholic before he was born. He was never home, and when he was home he was mean and hated being a husband and father. He was killed in a bar when my husband was 17. All these years later he still wishes he had him, and thinks things would be different, but his identical twin is 66 and I can say that I don't think anything would be different if he were alive.

Did your father change or do you not see him now, etc.? I always think about Suzanne Somers and how her father was.

Answer 1

My father was or as always is an alcoholic! But my father didn't drink when I was a kid and he was always there for us! He started after his father died and I presume it was from the loss, at least in the beginning. He drank everyday for 15 yrs. I mean everyday! One week when i was home on leave with my kids I got the full taste of it. I didn't know who this man was and I didn't like it! My kids hated him, thought he was mean. I did the hardest thing I have ever done, I told my father that my children couldn't be around him and that I was ashamed of the man I looked up to for the first time in my life. That night my mother cried and told him he was a drunk, He got up and poured his beer out and then proceeded to pour the remaining beer in the frig out also! To this day, 4 years later he has not picked it up, never! Best of all my kids got to know the man that i called dad! So yes people can change! They just have to love something more than the booze! I am proud of my father!

Answer 2

My Daddy was an alcoholic the whole time growing up with him. He scared me and sometimes I hated him. Then one summer, when I was 17, I spent a few months with him. He and my mother had divorced a few years earlier. I begged him to stop drinking and he did. And you know what? I fell in love with the man! I never knew how kind and funny and loving he could be! It was a wonderful summer! Then he died 2 years later. I'm so glad I got to know him, even if it was just for a few months. I still miss him terribly. He died the year after my twin sister was killed in a car accident.
We think we have all the time in the world and we don't! We should tell those we love how we feel as often as we can! Because they could be gone in the blink of an eye.

Answer 3

Yes, my father is a recovering alcoholic, but he has been living a dry drunk for the last 20 years.. so it's no different with him than it ever was... and i haven't spoken to him in 16 years... don't plan on it, either.

He was abusive, mean and hateful... yes, all the same as above, and more.

Your husband is likely looking for acceptance that he never received.. and the truth is, he'd never have been good enough in his father's drunken eyes... alcoholics are selfish individuals because the alcohol is #1 in their lives... it even comes before their children... ALL of the time.

My father never changed after drinking, except he wasn't drunk... personality? no alteration what so ever.

maybe your husband has never come to terms about the "father he never had" and therapy might help. sure helped me!

we don't forget, and the pain doesn't completely disappear; however, we can learn to cope and to move forward.

hugs

Answer 4

ya he was for as long as i can remeber i think he says he started drinking when he was 13 or 14 cuz of my grandpa. and he hit rock bottom when my grandma..passed away he took it really hard, he drank even more and eneded up in the hospital and hada heart attack. With all that of we found out he was really ill with kidney faluire and since that day he hasnt drank and he has changed alot.. her use to be really mean and aggressive and verbaly abusive and now he is a diffrent person he is more understanding and i actually have a better realtionship now that he is sober ..all the time and i thankl ggod he has changed cuz i dont think i would have really known my dad if he was still drinkin and now we have a better realationship

Answer 5

My father died, refusing to speak to me. He knew he was dying, but we'd had an argument about his drinking, and he rejected me totally.
I'm sure there are men who pull themselves together, but my father was weak and selfish. He was an alcoholic before he was 21 and made our lives an utter misery. He used to call us "parasites" and resented us. He certainly didn't love us.
I think on his deathbed he was sorry - well,he said he was. It was too late, but then, we'd had the "I'm sorry" so many times before.
Your husband is living a dream - he'll never know if his father would have changed. Who can tell?

Answer 6

Course he wishes his father was still around. Its still his dad regardless and he has a childs unconditional love where there's always hope that he would of changed for his family. My dad has been dead since before i was born and of course i would've loved to have known him, alcoholic or not.

Dolly x x x

Answer 7

No, not at all! Thank God he wasn't an alcoholic, because I wouldn't be interested in establishing a relationship with him if he was an alcoholic! I know I don't know you and your husband, but my heart does go out to your husband because your husband's father wasn't interested in having a relationship with his own son! Its sad that some parents would choose alcohol over their own children!

Answer 8

my mother was an alcholic. picked her booze over her kids for many many years. she passed away 2 yrs ago. they found her body behind a bar... everyone wants to think u can change an alcholic but only they can change them selves. of course hewants to think things would of been different. let him keep thinking it.

Answer 9

Not at all. He only took a shot of creme de menthe when he had a chest cold

Answer 10

yes he was and he will be dead within 10 years...no great loss to me