Does it matter if your mate is not equal to you?

Question

ok,so me and my bestfriend were talking about our boyfriends last night, and she ask me does it bother me that my bf didnt finish college?, and i told her no b/c it doesnt matter to me, as long as we are happy and we both have jobs, which we do ,then im fine. im not going to judge him b/c he didnt finish school. He has two jobs and he took a couple of courses here and there. We are fine.
She wants her b/f to have what she has if not more. She has her BA and now she's going for her Masters. I have mines too and I'm going for my Masters also. Am I wierd for thinking like this? Whats your views?

Answer 1

I always thought it was about the person, not about what they have or havn't got. We are all equal as human beings and we all have feelings. My husband and I are opposite, he is street smart. I am book smart. Together we make an awesome pair, and are inseperable. You are not weird for thinking like you do. You are normal for feeling this way. As long as there is love and trust in a relationship it should not matter if one person pursued college and the other didn't.

Answer 2

In most cases it is important to have common goals. You really have to ask yourself if you want the same things.

It's okay if this is a short term thing, but in the end it is just on more hurtle to have to jump. A relationship and/or marriage is hard. After you finish your degrees and begin working, you will be living to two very different worlds. And you will be earning MUCH more than he ever will. Furthermore, his hopes for wage increases will be small. While you will be looking to the future and see improvements. Your basic outlooks will become different. If your guy has an EXTREMELY strong sense of self-esteem, you might have a chance of making it work for the long term.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I think that both partners should be able to bring something to the table and that no one person should have to support someone else entirely. Having said that, I think what your friend wants is understandable. She doesn't want some guy mooching off of her and she doesn't want to feel like a mommy. As long as the guy works really hard and brings home a paycheck to help keep things afloat, his degree status should not come into play. There are many intelligent and well rounded people out there that do not have college educations. A degree is a piece of paper that states you attended classes....it does not prepare you for LIFE or relationships. ;)

Answer 4

it is not unusual for her to think it that way. I think she's more traditional. she probably thinks guys should provide for the family. so, she wants to find a guy with better education. I have a Ph.D., my brother didn't even go to college. I don't earn much money, but my job is more stable than his. my gf also has a Ph.D.. she is the most compatible gf I've had. we have been together for over 5 years. we can share our thought and everything easily cuz we have similar experiences. we can talk about our research work a lot. the longest relationship I had before was less than 3 months, and I had 6 or 7 ex-gfs. they were all either barely graduated from college or dropouts. it is just the fact that they didn't care about the same thing I did. your friend just wants someone who shares a similar goal. it is just her opinion. if you love your bf and think it will work out between you two, there is no reason to let someone else's philosophy to affect yours.

Answer 5

Only you can answer that question. If you are truly happy with your bf, then, to you, it doesnt matter. If you sometimes feel superior, like maybe you sometimes feel he might be stupid for not knowing something you know, then you arent happy with it and its not ok for you.

Personally, I fell no one has the right to judge anyone else, and when you go for a marriage license or to give birth to a baby, it doesnt require the same degrees of intelligence, therefor, to me, it doesnt matter.

You and your friend are two seperate people, and though you might share alot of interests, you dont have to always share the same opinions of your friends, and if she makes you uncomfortable by talking about such things, let her know, and if she doesnt respect you enough to respect you and your relationship, then maybe the question should stem from the friendship instead of your relationship with your bf.

Answer 6

Love is not about keeping SCORE. Your friend is absolutely wrong. There's nothing wrong with looking for a mate who is ambitious and intelligent but that doesn't always translate to having a degree. My husband didn't have his 4 year degree when I met him but I did....everyone in my family does and in fact, my whole family has advanced degrees as well. I didn't think anything of it because it was obvious how intelligent and motivated he was. For the career he chose, an associates was just fine and he worked hard to make it in his chosen profession. Now, he's changed careers and is in the process of getting his 4 yr degree. If I had just automaticlly judged him because of a piece of paper, I would've really missed out on a terrific guy!!!

Answer 7

I have several observations.

1) You use the word "equal" to refer to the fact that you are superior to your boyfriend because of your level of education. It is sad that you think of it in this context. You didn't label it as a difference, you used a scale to put yourself above him. That flies in the face of what you told your friend (that you're "fine" and that it "doesn't matter"). At least maybe you're trying to be mature about it.

2) No offense, but your post is absolutely riddled with grammatical errors (ignoring the typos.) You say that you're in grad school? That absolutely cannot be true. I do not know where you obtained a BA but it scares me that that is possible.

Answer 8

Education does not equal intelligence. While my wife and I both have BS degrees, it's more a matter of having compatibility of intelligence rather than education or degrees. If you can have a conversation with someone on the same level, what difference does it make whether that person has the same level of formal education?

Answer 9

I don't feel that an education defines a person as being better or less than another person.
As for my opinion I think for a relationship to be successful both people need to find the other person just a little bit better than them self. Still I don't consider an education to be a defining characteristic.

Answer 10

Your friend is taking a narrow view of success. She should want a boyfriend who has a good job and can carry on interesting conversations with her. Many without a degree would fail to qualify, but some would. She should keep her eyes open--waiting for a guy who fits a checklist isn't love.