My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Generally we are pretty happy. We have normal ups and downs... I am only his second girlfriend. The first one he was with bought an engagement ring after 5 months of them dating and told him to pay her back when she gave it to him. I guess he went with the flow and did what she said. Eventually they broke up. I am in no way like that. I would never buy myself a ring. How can I tell my boyfriend I want more of a commitment without freaking him out? Every time I want to bring it up, he thinks I am trying to get him to propose!! It's true I want to start getting a move on with my life and settling my roots but I know he isn't ready for marriage as he is still in college and not working a lot.
Then today he said after college he wants to live on his own to see what it is like! Now I am just completely discouraged. What is going on? Does he just not want to commit? I know it's hard to tell from this but any advice would be great...
2007-11-01 03:20:06 · 11 answers · asked by Matilda 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
and today when he left, he stood in he doorway verbally debating on if he shuold tell me he loves me....he would say 'i don't know if you think i will say it because you are upset, or if you think i am just saying because i know you want me to." and crap like that. it did not leave me feeling good. what is wrong with him?? it's so hard to commit and tell me he loves me!! i am a great girlfriend to him and i kinda get half *** in return sometimes!! i am very understanding of his schedule at school and the things he wants to do but gosh, i just feel terrible after this morning.
2007-11-01 03:24:40 · update #1
If you live together now, I can see why his desire to live alone would be a problem, but some people don't believe in living together before marriage. Don't make that a deal breaker, and don't get discouraged.
What kind of commitment are you looking for, if not engagement? The stages pretty much go dating > engagement > marriage. Some people choose to live together, some don't. If he's not ready for marriage, he's obviously not ready for engagement, and thus there's no further commitment to be had. And one year isn't necessarily enough time to decide if you want to marry someone; he's still growing and changing. When he gets out into the "real world", he'll be able to develop a better sense of himself and what he wants - hopefully, that will still be you.
Don't pressure him. Make sure he knows you love him and are willing to wait (if both of those things are true). Tell him you're not ready to get married yet either, but that you'd like to try living together (again, if applicable) or would like to see him more often, or whatever type of commitment it is that you're looking for.
2007-11-01 03:27:38 · answer #1 · answered by xK 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He knows what he wants and isn't in a hurry to settle down, why are you? There is more to life than getting married. Being in a hurry to get married shows a lack of self esteem on your part. He has a better chance of getting married and staying that way by waiting and living on his own first! Everyone should live on their own BEFORE they get married! Give yourself a chance to find out who you really are. People change a great deal between the ages of 18 and 25. You don't want to go from your Daddy telling you what to do, to having to run everything by a husband, without having a chance to be your own boss, do you? You already said you know he isn't ready for marriage, so what are you freaking out about? What is a commitment going to do for you? You could still end up breaking up anyway. Slow you jets and enjoy being single and give yourself a chance to get to know YOU!
2007-11-01 03:32:16 · answer #2 · answered by wishiwereatthebeach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, this is a hard situation. What I'd recommend is go talk to a counselor, get some help for this. You broke up with him, but it's not your fault he killed himself. That was a choice he made. He apparently loved you a lot. If he had problems with the break up he should've talked to you about it. It's not your fault for breaking up. It was his choice.
2016-04-11 08:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You pegged it. He doesn't want to commit and isn't ready. Be glad he's telling you straight out instead of leading you on.
You have two choices:
Live with it and accept that he has no plans to discuss a future together for the time being.
Move on and find someone who is at the same stage as you are.
2007-11-01 03:24:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love it really is painful to say but i don't think he is ready for commitment .he is just like my boyfriend too just let it go and enjoy yourself if it comes alone fine don't tell him any thing just hint him so he is aware of your feelings and what you want.and if with time he says nothing then you leave him.you have a duty to yourself make yourself happy and you can't force anyone to do that .than is what i said to my self coz i was in the same situation.
2007-11-01 03:34:59 · answer #5 · answered by shiva 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It appears he does NOT wish
to be married to you in the future.
Marriage questions are usually
a woman thing. Men do NOT
usually think this way. It seems
he just wants to finish school
& live a single life.
Perhaps you should move on
& find another to wed.
2007-11-01 03:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by LedHead 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. You obvisously both have different plans for your future, you need to find someone who has the same common plans as yours. He's trying to tell you he does not see a future with you and trying to tell you gently so he doesn't hurt you. Again, MOVE ON
2007-11-01 03:24:19 · answer #7 · answered by sabbyskye 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to him, to me you two need a break, sound like hes not serious enough about you & don't want to settle down, & it has nothing to do with his ex, even she (his ex) bought herself a ring in order to make him understand what she wanted, if he doesn't want a serious relationship that there nothing you can do to change his mind
2007-11-01 03:31:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie..... you're assuming SO much here.
He's not interested in a commitment. Likely, hes afraid of one.
2007-11-01 04:15:33 · answer #9 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I knew right away that we were meant to be together forever. We got married 3 months after meeting, and have been married now for 11 years.
If he won't commit - LEAVE HIM!
2007-11-01 03:26:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋