I am elder Bahu in my house. I m entered in this hause just 2 yrs before. Afeter my marriage my Devrani is entered in our house.
No body is repect me as a i m jithani and badi bahu of this house. Even on karvachouth the devrani not repecting me Mere charan bhi usne nahin chue.
My Father - in-law.is also respecting her.
I try my level best and always my intebntion is to help her in all work.
but she don;t help me.
What i do ?
I m in too much tension @@@@@
2007-10-31 21:39:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am not surprised. You are demanding respect more out of your seniority than for any outstanding quality. Of course it is expected that juniors should not be disrespectful to their elders. Your devrani has showed you no disrespect. If you equate showing respect with touching of the feet, I must say that you must free yourself from such age old notions of respect. While you can always choose to be traditional in your behaviour and actions towards others, you can't expect others to be traditionally servile to you. Let me confess that from what appears from your question, your fault is restricted to such mentality only. Otherwise you are helpful and cooperative, especially when it comes to your dealings with your devrani.
Why don't you treat her as your equal? She can't be a lot younger than you. Be a friend with her while maintaining a certain distance because of your seniority. She must possess qualities which have made her a favourite of your father-in-law (don't mistake it with being respectful). Try to discover why she is a hit with other family members and if possible emulate those qualities in your own way.
It is wrong of her not to reciprocate your helpfulness to her. If she continues that way, you would do better to mind your own business only without making a display of it.
Finally, you are probably tense out of a fear that she is scoring over you and becoming the family's favourite. Throw such thoughts out of your mind. You are as useful to your family in your own way as she is in her own way. Do what you consider is right. You have nothing to lose. Maybe you would do much better by broadening your outlook and presenting a more modern avtar of yourself in thought,action and appearance. Best of luck.
2007-11-02 06:59:33 · answer #1 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really not that versed on Hindu laws, etc., but respect should be given where respect is due and so dictated. If your religion dictates that these individuals respect you, then what does your religion dictate you do with those that don't. For all problems there are solutions, put your proverbial Bahu foot down or in, which ever works and regain your place in the house and the "Family". God Blessed.
2007-11-01 04:58:53 · answer #2 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is to make sure you continue being the person you are. Do not change YOU. Act normal and continue your activities as before. There will be a day when your Devrani will need your help. That day, with a big smile on your face, help her. Her attitude will change. Good Luck!
2007-11-01 04:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by decemberbaby 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Badi bahu have big heart,don't ask for respect give them lots of love as a younger .let them do what ever they wants.you don't have to like them.i am badi bahu in my family,treat your devrani as a sister,do your best to win there hearts,don't ask for any thing .promise you going to be WINNER.experience,,,,,
2007-11-08 16:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Smita P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All these problems are quite common in a Hindu united family. You educate more yourself and try to understand the circumstances. Give maximum love and care to all at home. respect begets respect. Try to forget so many things. Have open talks with your husband and convince him. But don't make him annoyed.
2007-11-01 04:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by thannickan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For achange, you forget your position in the house as "badi bahu' and start thinking and acting as the "badi betI' and look upon your devrani as your ":Choti behan" for just one month.At the end of it let us know how you feel ,in that environment!
2007-11-04 04:26:22 · answer #6 · answered by The Tribune 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I would have been in your place i would have talked about this matter with my husband & then i would have asked my devrani & my father-in-law that why are you doing this ridiculous things? If you try to supress your feelings your porblem would worsen.
2007-11-07 02:47:07 · answer #7 · answered by strawberry♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know much about hinu customes and traditions.... whatever its best to give your prayers to god to help out dare....
2007-11-01 05:29:28 · answer #8 · answered by Andy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋