I am having a $100 dinner per person along with drinks, appetizers, and so forth. I have a huge family and so does my fiancee--totalling about 200 persons on both sides. The total guests are 300. How can I get relatives to help fund my wedding because they are all affluent, but I am not working and fiancee just landed a job, so $$ is questionable right now, but we want to keep up with Jones's as all my relative's weddings were lavish.
2007-10-31 20:47:55 · 19 answers · asked by Born Valentine's Day 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Don't throw a party you can't afford. If it's not already too late, you should downgrade the wedding to something that's more affordable for you. It's like inviting guests to your house and then asking them to pay for the dinner you serve them. Keeping up with the Joneses is not an appropriate reason to have a wedding that costs too much, and frankly it's a poor way to start out a marriage. In the future, you and your spouse will benefit more from an attitude of buying only what you can afford and not worrying about what other people have. It doesn't matter what your relatives have spent on their weddings; you are not in competition with them.
2007-11-01 12:52:03 · answer #1 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keeping up with the Joneses beyond your ability to pay for your own bills will only lead you into debt and eventually bankruptcy (and considering how often money problems are claimed as the reason, discord and divorce!) A ridiculously lavish, unnecessary event that you cannot afford is the worst possible way to start a marriage, both symbolically and literally.
No, you cannot ask or expect others to pay for your wedding. It is rude. It is immature. It is patently ridiculous.
It is fully possible to have a lovely, sophisticated, /personal/ event without putting yourself into debt! Think about all the better things you could do with that sort of money. A great honeymoon. A down payment on your first house. Savings for early retirement so that you can spend more time together!
In the end, what's important about a wedding is sharing one of the most important promises you will ever make in your life with people who love you and want to celebrate your new family. At the end of the day, all that will /really/ matter is that you're standing beside the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And you don't need $100 a plate to do that.
2007-10-31 22:23:37 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer K 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is really rude to expect your family and friends to pay for your wedding.. as well as travel to it, and to bring a gift.
Good Grief !!
The point of a wedding, isn't to be keeping up with the Jones's. The point of a wedding is to make a commitment to your spouse in the eyes of God, your family and friends.
Do yourself a favor.. if you can't afford a lavish wedding.. have a small modest one.. or elope.. but don't expect other people to pay for your wedding.. they're not getting anything out of it.. and it seems like you're just using them for their affluence.
Why not ask to use the Garden area or Back Yard of one of your affluent family or friends... get a priest or someone to perform your marriage.. all of that is free so far..
Do a modest wedding cake for a few hundred.. and spend a few hundred to decorate.. simple.. white streamers, white balloons.. maybe a single white rose in a simple in expensive slendor vase.. and let it go.
2007-10-31 21:06:15 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiancee need a big dose of COMMON SENSE. You do NOT spend this kind of money if you don't have it! Besides, shouldn't your parents be helping you out with this? That kind of wedding is ridiculously extravagant and needless. 'Keeping up with the Jones' is a very poor excuse to go deeply into debt -- in fact, it's a poor way to LIVE, period.
No, you cannot ask relatives, other than your parents, to help pay for the wedding -- that's incredibly crass. If you don't have the money, you will have to make do with a much smaller wedding...
Good luck with your marriage -- I really hope you don't start off with a huge debt.
2007-10-31 20:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by luvrats 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
It is beyond my comprehension that anyone who cannot afford it would choose to have such a grand affair.
What is your wedding day for? To make a committment to the person you love and wish to spend your life with, or simply to show off your wealth and status?
If you wish to appear affluent, asking people to pay for your party will only achieve the exact opposite effect.
If you can't afford this bloated and excessive shindig, opt for something completely different ~ for example a barefoot wedding on the beach at dawn with trestle tables set up to hold boxes of breakfast cereal, milk and orange juice for 'breakfast' after the ceremony, followed by a game of beach softball.
If you have a 'quirky' and original event, you can tell people you did it because you have always dreamed of a wedding under the open sky and your favourite food is muesli and milk ~ or whatever.
The fact that it cost next to nothing need not even be mentioned, as people will simply say you went for the original instead of the ordinary.
It is not possible always to have money, but it is possible to have class.
Cheers :-)
EDITED to say: re 'father of the bride' and 'parents should pay' comments ~ there is NO way I would put my hand in my pocket for one cent if my kid suggested something like this. Cut your coat to suit your cloth!
2007-10-31 21:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by thing55000 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
definite, it grew to become into incorrect and impolite of you to ask. there is not any rule that asserts mum and dad ought to pay on your wedding ceremony. something mum and dad supply must be gratefully usual as a contemporary, no longer an legal duty. you're 27 years previous, you will have the ability to pay for it your self. in case you won't be able to arise with the funds for the marriage you want you have 2 concepts - settle for a extra inexpensive wedding ceremony or wait somewhat longer and shop.
2016-12-30 12:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want wedding guest to pay a $100 for their own dinner. Are you expecting gifts to? Your relatives are lavish because they can afford to be. You can't. Plan a smaller wedding you can afford t pay for yourself or postpone until you can afford the lavish your dreaming of.
2007-11-01 01:38:37 · answer #7 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you cannot make or even ask that your relatives pay for your wedding; that is SO tacky. If you want to have an extravagant wedding, get a job and fund your own.
2007-11-01 01:58:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lady G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your preoccupation with superficiality and materialism is disheartening. No, you shouldn't make others pay for your wedding. If you can't afford it yourself, tone it down. There's no need to "keep up with the Jones'", as it were. A marriage is a celebration of the union of two people, not an exercise in excessiveness.
2007-10-31 21:17:14 · answer #9 · answered by cliche_guevara9 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound to me like either of you is really ready for the commitment of marriage, since you are expecting that other people should provide for your WANTS when you can't even provide for your NEEDS.
Tell you what-have a very small wedding, or better yet elope-you will need money to pay for the inevitable divorce.
2007-10-31 21:04:59 · answer #10 · answered by barbara 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋