My mother recently got back together with my estranged father. He had an affair with some 20 year old something 7 years ago and after we found out he left us to go be with her. Now he's back and my mother has accepted him back into her life. She wants me to forgive him as well, I told her to go **** herself. Was I in my right to?
2007-10-31 19:00:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I didn't tell my mother to go **** herself 'cause she got back together with my dad, I told her to go **** herself 'cause she expects me to forgive him as well. She lost a husband, but I lost a father, husbands may come and go, fathers do not. He lost my respect and my honor when he walked out that door. If my mother wants to be an idiot and take him back that is her choice but I don't see why I have to as well. Thanks for your input nonetheless.
2007-10-31 19:19:53 · update #1
I'm not even sure I want to work things out with my Dad. I just feel he has made his bed and now he has to lie in it. I was very close with him, more so than my 2 younger brothers or my older brother and older sister. I took it real hard. At first I wanted nothing more than for him to come back but that has since gradually transformed into total hatred towards him. I don't want to lose what I had with my mum but I don't want to keep it if it means forgiving my dad. That is something I don't think I ever will be able to do. My older sister has and my 2 younger brothers have mostly 'cause they are in dire need for a father figure at the moment. My older brother and I are in the same boat, we both hate the man and are not willing to let it slide. It is different for him though, he has his own family now and own problems to deal with. I feel alone with it all, my sister was 19 when it happened, it didn't hit her as hard 'cause she didn't need her dad anymore. I did though.
2007-10-31 19:44:14 · update #2
It was your right to say what you feel. However, I think a little more tact would have been appropriate.
2007-10-31 19:10:09 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
In a way, yes you were right. She shouldn't "make" you forgive him. How you feel is how you feel. I feel like **** was too harsh of a word for your mom. I'd say something like "I'm sorry I used the **** word but it's important that I tell you how I feel about dad"...then explain, calmly, how you feel. If you can write down how you feel first, it helps keep you from straying off the subject. If it doesn't work maybe you could suggest family therapy with all three of you in the same room to work your issues out. If funds are a problem then they are always pro bono places, clinics or a local University in your area could lead you in the right direction. You have to remember that this is your mom and it must have taken so much strength to forgive his behavior. I've been there and family therapy helps.
2007-11-01 02:24:06 · answer #2 · answered by DeeDee 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It was good that you told her how you really felt, but it might have been better to word it in a way that wouldn't come back to bite you in the *** (because it might someday). I don't think it's right of her to pressure you into allowing him back into your life after all the pain he has caused you. However, parents aren't perfect; she may be causing herself a lot of heartache by giving this man another chance, but she will just have to learn that the hard way. It would be good to make sure that they both know how you feel and to tell your mom that she can make her own decisions, but she won't make yours for you. Hopefully you will still be able to have a relationship with her, even though you are taking different actions in this situation.
2007-11-01 03:22:47 · answer #3 · answered by Persephone 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You'll forgive him when you're ready not on someone else's schedule or agenda. I think you were right, because you are right 7yrs is a long time. If he hasn't been in your life for that long than you have every reason to feel resentment toward him and to hold a grudge. Just he came back and schmoozed your mother over that shouldn't just be an automatic for your love too. He needs to earn that back and you need to explain that to her, as she is trying to make it work with him. Now you don't need to make it more difficult them at the same time but make sure he knows he can't just walk back into your life and think everything is gonna be alright after walking out like that too.
2007-11-01 02:28:43 · answer #4 · answered by Skinny 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. You should honor your father and your mother. It's never o.k. to talk that way to a parent.Your dad did a very bad thing but if he is truly sorry, it is up to your mom if she thinks she can forgive him or not. I admire her for giving him another shot. I just hope he deserves it. He should kiss her butt from now till death do they part if you ask me. Good luck to all of you. I really hope you guys can all leave the past behind and be a family again. God bless!!
Unforgiveness is not good for you. It will eat you alive. It's like drinking poison and waiting for your dad to die. It has been proven that unforgiveness make people physically ill. I understand why you are hurt and angry at your dad but you need to forgive him, more for youself than even for him. He is the only dad you will ever have. My dad was very imperfect and I had to forgive him some things but we had such a great relationship in the years after i grew up (19) and on. I'm really glad that I didn't hold his past against him and miss out on all the time we had together. You have one life to live and you will never get another dad. I truly hope you will try to forgive him God bless!!
2007-11-01 02:09:14 · answer #5 · answered by BERT 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
NO! It Is Never Okay! Do not disrespect your parent(s) under any circumstance. Honor your Mother and Father.
You need to learn how to forgive. That is something you and your brother need to work on in order to let go of that baggage of negative emotions. Until you forgive your father, you will carry that heavy baggage of hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, depression, etc.
It is up to you.
-Good luck.
2007-11-01 03:00:28 · answer #6 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Absolutely not. You should never talk to your mother that way. Even if, you feel she's made the wrong decision she is your mother no matter how upset you are @ the time. An apology would really make her feel alot better as well as yourself. Trust me... Good Luck!
2007-11-01 02:08:05 · answer #7 · answered by ms.yvonni 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just because your Mom forgave him, it doesn't mean you have to. Tell her to back off, rather than "go **** yourself"... that's a little harsh. Your father is the one that damaged your relationship with him, and it is his responsibility to fix it. Not your Mothers.
2007-11-01 02:41:40 · answer #8 · answered by munkees81 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats harsh to say, i never told my mum to F&^% herself. you are right in that you dont need to forgive your father for leaving you just because your mum took back her husband.
youre mum should not have asked you to forgive him , its up to you if you choose to .
2007-11-01 04:05:28 · answer #9 · answered by dot 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely.
Sounds like he missed out on being a dad for you and if your mother expects you to see him in a different light than she may be delusional.
2007-11-01 02:11:50 · answer #10 · answered by Micha M 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is never right to disrespect your mother, regardless of whether you agree with what she did or not. It is her decision, he did not cheat on you!!! She knows much more than you do about the situation. You do not know what went on between them in their personal space.
2007-11-01 02:06:44 · answer #11 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋