parents splitting up can i get some help?

Question

i discover my mother was cheating on my father about 3 months ago she had been doing so for about 2 years so she says

Im a 20 year old national guard member and i am getting deployed to the border for 18 months i haven't spoke to her since i found this out, can i get some advice from a parent who has kids but has also been in my shoes please


i don't know whether to stick with my standards that ironically my mother taught me or to give in

some help please

Answer 1

Ask your mom why she did this! Tell her your going away and wont see her for a great period of time and if anything happens to either of you you will regret it. It's never good to leave things like this unsolved.

Answer 2

Stick to your standards. People sometimes do very dumb things and there are two sides to every story. Perhaps your mother felt neglected by your father, perhaps he had an affair also that you don't know about, or perhaps she just got tired being married. Parents do dumb things - if they didn't, no one would get a divorce. but you can learn perhaps from this what not to do in order to be happy yourself when you get into a relationship and what you should do - talk to your mate before someone feels a need to cheat.
all you can do now is to be neutral in this and let them fight this out. You can ask your mother why she felt she had to do tis but the reason may make no sense at all to you.
Don't let their problems become your own and remember the old indian saying, never judge another person until you have walked a mile in their moccasins.

Answer 3

I'm a parent with a grown child of my own. My parents got divorced after I was an adult. I know this is a difficult time for you. It's hard not to hold a grudge against the parent that 'caused' it. I know you're angry with your mom, but I would talk to her. The older you get the more you will realize how short life is and your parents won't be here forever. Let your dad and her work things out between them and don't get put in the middle.

Take care of yourself, if you hold onto this angry, it will end up hurting you in the long run. Best wishes on your deployment and bless you for being in the national guard. You have my utmost respect.

Answer 4

If you can find it in yourself to forgive her; than do so. Not for her sake but for yours. The healing power that comes from forgiveness is deep. Forgiving doesn't mean that you agree with her actions but it does make you the bigger person because it is not easy to forgive.

Life is short and the time for family is NOW; don't wait.
You are probably going through a whole process of emotions. Emotions that you don't even understand and that is ok, just go with it (don't withhold your emotions).

And well talking to your mom and asking her questions of why or how could you, may end up driving you crazy. Just know that your mother is confused right now and that the morals she taught you have somehow misplaced her in this journey of life. Perhaps she will wake up one day and realize she has made a grave error but until then she needs to own her own problems not you.

Answer 5

I've never been in your situation so all I can offer is intellectual support.

Look at the pain and trouble your mother's immorality is causing.

Stick to your standards, and tell your mother that you'll start acting like a member of her family when she starts being a family member.

We are all human and have our failings, but we can also grow and change. Not likely, but if your parents can work their issues out it will be best for everyone if you can forgive your mother and be supportive. However I would only do that if she truly is sorry and works to correct it. Presuming your father wants her back at all.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I was in a similar situation when I was 16 (I am 31 now) and my dad left my mom for another woman. Originally I shunned my dad, told him to drop dead, and refused to talk to him for about 6 months. But I discovered that it didn't change what had happened, didn't change his behavior (he married the new woman), and only made me miserable. I decided to forgive my dad (even without him asking for forgiveness) and work at rebuilding our relationship.
My advice is to tell your mother that you disagree with her behavior (and remind her that you were taught better morals than that by her), but to love her in spite of her flaws and find a way to forgive her behaviors.
At the end of the day, we only have each other. As trite as that might sound, it is a fact of life. Don't burn bridges that you might some day wish to cross.
Best of luck, and God bless.

Answer 7

so sorry to hear about this.
if you canttalk to your mum write her a letter and tell her how you feel towards her right now and if you are leaving then give her your addy that way she can contact you and explain why she did it....i know its hard to forgive and forget so i hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive her and accepts that sometimes parents do fall out of love. its not a nice scenario at all....so sorry.....hugs for you too. my kids were a lot more younger( son was only 7 and daughter was 9) when their dad left us for another woman but i explained to them what happened and now after 7 yrs im trying to help ex rebuild his relationship with his kids coz no matter what happened i can never be their dad...so forgive but learn a valuable lessons from your experience too. good luck and god bless you always....

Answer 8

Stick to your standards???not sure what you mean...Going against your standards...would this mean you will cheat on someone?
Personal,moral standards or values are what YOU create and follow for the betterment of you and society...just because someone doesnt follow a rule doesnt mean we should all break the rules too...If your Dad robbed a bank and got away with it..and buy a fancy car etc...would you then say..should I stick to my standards or not?
You know the right answer..or you wouldnt be asking.
God bless you and your service to our country!!!

Answer 9

My ex cheated and left me to my daughter around your age didn't want anything to do with her but in my eyes its wrong for her to think that way . The way i see it is that she is still her mother no matter what and she wasn't cheating on her it was me that she was cheating on and for my daughter to have those thoughts was making me feel worse then my ex cheating on me . I didn't want to see my daughter go through that . I felt bad enough. They get along good now and I'm fine with a couple of woman friends myself so let life go on it has a way of working it self out

Answer 10

hey... I'm not a parent who has kids and has been in your shoes....

but i just wanna share my thoughts.... ha ha... i have a friend who has been in your situation, but a lot worse.... but with what has been happening to her parents... she always respected them... she has never let anything stand in the way of her lover for her parents, it was not easy, but she had to face it...

ask you mother why she did it, try not to judge her for her mistakes. Always try to keep an open mind... remember, whatever happens.. she is your mother, and nothing can change that...