My friend may be getting married soon. After two years of dating this girl, I've still never met her, or any of her friends. Not even once. And they both live like, only half an hour away.
But if they do get married, I probably WILL be a groomsman, since I've known him for near a decade. But really, I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want the pressure of having to bring date. I also really have no interest in socializing with any of the bridesmaids (who will be total strangers to me, and probably married or dating, like most normal people my age.) To me, it would be nothing but forced conversation with a bunch of strangers.
And people say you are supposed to meet people at a wedding. How is this possible? What can you possibly talk about to start conversation with people you know absolutely nothing about? And why would you?
2007-10-31 18:02:02 · 12 answers · asked by IrishFan2011 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Part of the reason I wouldn't want to socialize with the bridesmaids is because they'll all know each other, and the happy couple. And I'd just be an outsider.
And I'm totally unfamiliar with the lot of them, except the groom.
So why are people so eager to socialize at weddings?
2007-10-31 18:05:43 · update #1
I want to honor him, sure.
But I don't know his bride, or any of her friends or family. I'm just not looking forward to a night of sitting there at the bar drinking alone.
2007-10-31 18:09:31 · update #2
May I summarize your writings here?
"I'm shy"
Shyness is a form of aggression (passive-aggressive) in which you refuse to 'meet others half way' in social situations, and thus demand that others go MORE than half way. Stop making excuses for yourself. That you don't know the bride or her friends is irrelevant. Your hosts will be delighted that you don't bring a date as you will better able to attend to your official duties. That other guests may be married or dating is no obstacle to conversing, or even dancing with them. If your conversation with strangers is "forced" then all the more reason practice this until you are at ease with it.
And for Pete's sake, you're an adult; you DO know how to say things like "Do you live in the area?" "Didn't the bride do a lovely job with the decor?" and "What does your family do for Thanksgiving?" You start these conversations with strangers because that is your duty to your hosts. If everyone did his/her duty (instead of saying "I'm shy; I'm not going to do my part so others had better pitch in and do it for me") at social occasions, then, like any cooperative effort, everyone would get more out of the occasion.
People who refuse to take social responsibility soon find themselves with no friends. If that's what you want, then keep insisting that you are "shy" and therefore entitled to special treatment.
2007-11-01 01:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It's pretty rude of the groom, but they are entitled to invite whomever they wish. If I were your boyfriend, I would see if I could cancel the tux and decline to be a groomsman -- not because they didn't invite you (because, as I said, they are entitled to invite whomever they want) but because it was rude of them to not come up with a better excuse for not inviting you. They could have said, "We have such a limited space that we're only inviting people to bring guests if they are spouses and fiances..." or something. If it is impossible to decline the invite at this point, I would advise your boyfriend to go be a groomsman for the wedding ceremony and then peace out after the ceremony -- or the earliest that he can after his duties are done. But, in general, I don't think you want to go to that wedding anyway. I mean, as the partner of an attendant, you'll probably have to sit away from him and be by yourself and it will be boring because he'll have other stuff to do. Just write them off as rude and go enjoy a day with your friends. Oh, and if your boyfriend gives a toast at the wedding, make sure it starts off with, "I remember the day that [your name] first introduced [the couple]...."
2016-05-26 06:07:48 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry some folks are ripping on you for declining - it's your choice, you are not drafted. You can also be a groomsman without being obligated to socialize with the rest of the wedding party, I've done that, since I was just filling out the groomsman's side once (as brother-in-law of the bride) and didn't know any of the other guys. If there are other people you do know at the wedding, just hang out with them.
2007-10-31 18:13:43 · answer #3 · answered by bagalagalaga 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can decline it if you wanted to. It's up to you. However, if you are his friend, I'm sure you and him share friends that they are inviting to the wedding and will be there, so you could always talk to them. You don't have to feel pressured into talking to anyone you don't want or doing anything you don't want to do. Just go, honor your friend, wish him luck, and then leave if you want, or stay around and chill (that's if you want to go and not decline). Who knows, maybe you will meet a hottie. You don't know if the other women there are going to be single, taken, whatnot. Live life a little and socialize and do your friend the honor...only if you want to, though.
2007-10-31 20:29:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell the groom that you appreciate him thinking of you but you'd be more comfortable as a spectator than as a groomsman.
Why are you so anti-social? This whole thing sounds like you don't want to meet anybody, and it is not the 30 minutes distance.
2007-10-31 19:53:58 · answer #5 · answered by csucdartgirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its your choice to be a groomsmen. you dont have to do it if you dont want to. you have to think about how good of friends you are to the groom. there were groomsmen in my wedding that i barely knew but, they were friends with my husband. besides just because you are in the wedding doesnt mean that you have to go to the reception which is where most people communicate. if the groom is a good friend he would except you declining to be a part of something that you dont really want to do.
2007-10-31 18:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dana T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you dont want to communicate with people then dont go.
But would it hurt just to be polite and make small talk with these people for your friends sake?? surely if you've been friends with this man for 10 years you'd at least know his family? talk to them. dont see what the big deal is with making small talk to people for a couple of hours.
2007-10-31 18:21:27 · answer #7 · answered by marlie07 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to accept ANY invite or request.
You also do not NEED to have a date.
You'd talk about the bride and groom.
2007-10-31 18:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you just politely decline. And crawl back into your shell.
2007-11-01 00:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have to be asked before you can decline. but sure you can say man i would love too but i cant afford it right now and plus i feel very uncomfortable because i dont know the bride or anyone but you so i would have to say thanks but no thanks. thats it thats all. GodBless
2007-10-31 18:06:59 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋