How do you let go of the past?

Question

Alright, I have had a pretty rough childhood and have gone through many things in my life. I had a gun pulled on me at the age of 5 by my cousins mother, I was sexually molested by my Uncle in law from the age of 7-11and then, the only person that I confided in about this, raped me later on, (while I was on my cycle at that). I was only 13 when that happened and a virgin. I have never received therapy for any of this and I am currently 24, hence my name, Knowledge24. I was scared and never told anyone about this until later on in life. I told my Mother a few months ago about what my Uncle in law did and she called him and threatened to kill him if she ever saw him again.

I called my Aunt and told her what her husband did to me, she played dumb and acted like she didn't know, when she did. I'm angry and hurt and lately, I have been having angry panic attacks and want to confront all the people who have wronged me in my past, but people tell me to let it go. I know I should, but I cant

Answer 1

What you are looking for is validation of yourself as a human being and acknowledgement that you have had a very hard time in life. I know...been there. Your Auntie is comfortable with her life and doesn't want things to change for her. It is scary to confront these issues for most people. They would rather let things slide and forget about them. Don't take her reaction personally...it is her way of dealing with the shock and has nothing to do with whether you have value or not. I have had therapy and the therapist that did the most good for me said right from the get-go, "I know you have had a hard time". I didn't need to get the idea across to him and could really start working on things. I always wanted to write about the things that happened to me so I could tell on all those people who neglected or abused me. When I was finally emotionally healed I no longer felt the need to write. It is a work in progress. I am going to paste one of my other answers on here for you. The question was "What in your life has left you damaged". Here was my answer...Human beings that made selfish choices that affected my life such as abandonment, neglect and abuse. It is not God's fault that people choose to do wrong. God has been there to restore me and give me peace, joy and love. I was able to pray for and forgive the negative people that were in my life and hope that before their lives were over they had a chance to be healed from the negatives in their lives. After all God doesn't give up on me so what right do I have to give up on anyone else? God hopes for us to have an abundant, joyful, and fulfilling life. It is we humans who err.
I am so sorry you had bad things happen to you and I pray that you will heal quickly so you can have a happy and blessed life. Don't even let those people that say, "Just get over it", affect you. They have no idea what it is like and somewhere in their life was a person they could rely on when they were young. That to me is the most damaging thing a person can say because it does not address you or your feelings and pain. God bles you young one. Mmm

Answer 2

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can't even imagine the pain you must feel. I would recommend you see a therapist. You can vent all of your anger and pain in a safe environment, and they will just listen. All of the people who have told you to "just let it go" have no idea what you have been through. You need to talk to someone. Depending on where you live, you may still be able to press charges against your uncle. I'm not sure about the statute of limitations, but check up on it. You will probably never forgive or forget any of it, but you can move past it and look towards your future if you get everything off of your chest. Good luck, I hope this helps. If you need to talk, you can email me. I check it several times a day.

Answer 3

I know that you probably don't want to...but you need to seek help. You need counseling because they are trained people who know how to ease you through this. This is not something that you should be going through alone. You have a lot of hurt from your past that needs to be healed. You need someone to talk to on a regular basis (besides the therapist) - a good friend who will just listen to you.

I'm sorry that you went through this...my heart hurts for you and I wish I could be the friend that you need. I hope you find peace.

If you aren't a religious person, I am sorry for this last note. I suffered from panic attacks and I said this scripture every night and felt the peace of God:

Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Answer 4

No one has the right to tell you to get over it, move on, forgive and forget, blah blah blah. How can you get past something you never have delt with completely.

You have already connected your panic attacks to the things from your past. You have already taken the first step to understanding what happened to you and that was telling your mother the truth.

It was hard, but you did it. You felt better, now take one more step and get the help of a professional. It'll be hard too, but you have already taken the first step in the journey towards healing.

Blessings and well wishes to you.

Answer 5

Oh knowledge, our lives sound alike in a few ways. Letting go is a hard thing to do, trust me I to know this. I personally have been beaten by my own mother, and have been molested and raped by my STEP father. I was kicked out of my house at the age of 11 and told "I wish i never had you, i wish i would of aborted you" by my own mother. I was a good kid, but turned into someone i did not like. She has always played with my emotions in and out of my life since then, telling me one day she loves me and the next im nothing, and will never be in her life again, and week later its "im sorry i love you and miss you.." My mother has always lied to me, most of my life, about my real father and when i found him, i left home to be with him. It was then, my father noticed something was wrong, I didn't like to be hugged by him, or even be close, i guess thats because i was afraid of what might happen, thanks to my stepfather. He put me in counsling, and even hospitalized me after confronting my mother about what her husband did to me, and have the nerve to say "IF it happened you deserved it". Still that wouldn't I had abusive relationships with men, and hid those well to, It took me until i was 24 also (im 25 now) to say enough is enough. Even though i had years of counsling, i still held on to things.

So on to your question. This is something i remind myself everyday. The past is the past, you can't change nothing that happened then, all you can do is move forward, and enjoy the life you have now. People say you should forgive those who have hurt you, to move one, but i personally can't find any forgiveness for what my mother and her ex husband did to me. ( she left him ten years after he did those things to me) distance yourself from those people, and keep on looking forward. The things that has happened to you, can't be changed, but it does make you who you are today, and i'm sure once you realize that its time to close that door, throw away the key, and that you are a survivor you will realize how strong you really are. sometimes you just need to give in and go see a counsler, and just let everything out, talking about it all with someone other then family who can give you the knowledge you need to move forward will help you more then you can ever know.

My thoughts are with you

Answer 6

All of us have some dysfunctional garbage in our lives. It is easier to live if you can let go of it. When I was a small child, a neighbor girl (probably more than 3 times my age) molested me. Some say that's not molest because we were both children. When I was in my teens, an adopted adult cousin tried to seduce me...she was in her mid 20's.
My parents split up when I was in my early teens, and I had no place to live...I ended up living with a non-Christian (animistic) Asian family...and was persecuted on a weekly basis.
My first wife killed one of our children, and was not even tried...she later ran off, and abandoned the other children and me, while I was in the military. 10 years later, she pops into the scene and conspired with my teen aged daughters to leave our family and join hers. Thereafter, I lost my teaching credentials based on the allegations they cooked up, and am shunned by people who don't really know me. The people who were doing their jobs blindly believed every changing facet of the lies about me, and I am unable to be with my current and godly wife, and three of my younger children without their permission. So I lost everything I had been working for, and living for. Oh yeah, I also have been removed from my long time duties at church, so the human factor prevents me from doing God's work in an orthodox way.
I remember many things that happened, but I cannot let it stop me from trying to make the best of everything. A few months ago I was homeless...a few months before that, I was in the county jail...being held as innocent for nearly six months, because I did not have money for bail.
Imagine all those very real things in your past legally binding you for life.
The only way I can make it day to day is to talk with my Lord and Creator...He knows my heart, and heals it whenever my sorrow and memories, and people decide to mistreat me based on the lies that bar me from doing what I love...being with my wife and children, and serving my God in every way.

Answer 7

Is there any way you can get help w/this situation professionally? Can you talk to your family Dr. & be referred by him/her & get it straightened out once & for all. YES, you did have a very rough past for a young child, & telling someone to "let it go" is not getting to the root of it & when you can, perhaps you can finally lrt it go. But, I honestly feel you need some good professional help w/all these situations in your young like that made such an impact on you, & rightfully so. IF your Dr. w/give you a referral, your ins. should help out w/it. Or even perhaps you could call the United Way & they could suggest some help for you. They are connected to many orginazations & no doubt w/have one to help you. I certainly trust you can get good help for it & be able to finally be free of it. All the best to you.

Answer 8

You can let it go, but you are still hold on to the pain and hate. I too was rape when i was younger, and it ate me up..I did everything wrong because i kept that angry er in my heart.I couldn't look at anything with rape scene in it ,I would get sick to my stomach. It told years but i realize that the person who did this was sleeping every night why i couldn't. I got help for myself and learned that i must forgive,to give myself peace, but not forget. everyone can't forgive, your mother believe you that's a good thing.. I had no one.

Good Luck I'll pray for you

Answer 9

I think you should seek professional help.. Saying that makes it sound like you are crazy and I don't want to imply that at all. All the pain you have suffered needs to be looked at and you need to go through the motions and I don't think Yahoo Answers is going to give you that. Find a good therapist in your area that specializes in child molestation and go from there.. You can move on but sometimes you need a little guidance.

Answer 10

Girl you have had a hard time. I have had similar situations, and I have foudn now that I am older I am very angry.

Maybe a therapist? I suggest it, though I only went once when I was 9. I push it so far back, but it does hurt me I hold it in.
Write it out. Write it all out on a piece of paper and then burn it let it go. Avoid those people.
Move on with your life.

Email me if you would like.