my boyfriend dated this girl in high school 10 years ago and hooked back up with her, once, 3 months before we met, now he wants to hang out with her without me there. he sees no problem with this saying they are just friends and that she is not what he wants. I see BIG RED FLAGS. He has never given me a reason not to trust him but I am still very concerened. Would you feel comforatable with your boyfriend hanging out with an ex?
2007-10-31 16:20:01 · 22 answers · asked by shyleeblue 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you feel uncomfortable with it, tell him what you feel, but offer an alternative. If he wants alone time with her there is a big chance he will cheat just for old times sake, or he could just like the female attention...if he's willing to hang out with the 3 of you or if she wants to bring along a friend, then I wouldn't worry too much. If he's feeling awkward being around both of you (which he should) then he may feel guilty for having feelings for his ex.
I wouldn't go along with it...if he chooses hanging out with her alone over a compromise, then I don't think he's really committed to you anyway.
2007-10-31 16:25:23 · answer #1 · answered by The Loving Addict 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriends have always been friends with their exes. The only trouble I had was when one ex wanted him back and was jealous, and he lied to me about going to see her. But that was because he'd thought I'd be mad. When we discussed it, because I trusted him, it was fine. I often think that it's actually a good thing if your boyfriend is still friends with his ex. It means that there was no bad feeling between them, and he obviously didn't treat her badly, so you know he is a nice guy. Also, it goes to show that they could be together if they wanted, because they are close enough to hang out, but that the feelings have all faded. If they're able to spend time together without it feeling funny, then you know that they're over it and there's nothing to worry about. If you trust him, you should treat it as if he was hanging out with any other girl without you there. I know that I still spend time with my ex boyfriend, even though he has a new gf and I have a new bf, and it's fine between us. We even talk about our new partners and give each other advice. It's a good way for a relationship to move on into the happy platonic just friends stage. So I don't think you should worry. Only start worrying if he wants to hang out with her ALL the time, or if you get the feeling she wants him back or something. Unless you've got a reasn, I think it's ok to be cool with it.
2016-05-26 05:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by angelena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband has hung out with his exes before. I am not an insecure person at all. But my husband has never given me a reason not to trust him. He tells me everything and he trusts me as much as I trust him, which is a whole lot. She would hang out even if I wasn't home, and never once did I feel threatened, and she would even come over and just visit with me, when he wasn't home. She is now married to a man who won't let her even speak to anyone she has had a past with. But if he doesn't want you around when he is near her, then I would see the red flags also. Thats a bunch of crap. Obviously he doesn't respect your feelings.
2007-10-31 16:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont have a bf right now, but before, when I did have one, I would probably say yeah, sure, go ahead. But I trusted my ex completely, and still do. It wasnt much of a possesive relationship though, more of a friendly one.
But anyways. I think if your having doubts, you shouldnt let him hang out with her. That will just cause you stress and worry. Tell him directly that you feel insecure about it and see what he does. Best to have a nice open relationship.
2007-10-31 16:27:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's ok for him to go hang out with another woman under the guise that it's just friends. But it's a double standard if YOU go hang out with a guy under the assumption that it's just friends.
I think I would be very concerned. I don't trust that she won't make some moves on him. But, to a degree you have to trust that He won't reciprocate. If he knows that it may upset you and he still goes like it's something you need to deal with, then I would question his motive.
But if it's a regular thing, it's as obvious as the nose on your face.
2007-10-31 16:30:23 · answer #5 · answered by Carol T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. No comfort there.
And those aren't just BIG RED FLAGS. Those flags are visible even to the martians on the moons of Saturn.
Ask yourself a question.....How would HE feel if you were hanging with a ex???? Ask him that question and see how he responds.
2007-10-31 16:27:33 · answer #6 · answered by The Hard Truth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
NEVER ignore those red flags.
They're red for a reason. They pop up for a reason. Tell him you don't like it, you're uncomfortable (whatever you feel about the situation). If he decides to go anyway.... you have to decide what you'll do next. If he can't respect you and your feelings, your wishes... he's definitely not marriage material, if thats what you're looking for at some point.
2007-10-31 16:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the pig! No kidding, he is playing with fire and IF you don't mind being the 3th wheel in this relationship...
It is not the thing to do unless he is getting something extra without you being within sight or hearing.
Bail out NOW. Move on and make better choices next time.
2007-10-31 16:26:50 · answer #8 · answered by Jay G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO...either be with him the entire time or tell him NO. if he siad or thinks that he doesnt want you there with them then he is probably thinking that something might happen between them and wouldnt want you to be there or find out about it. DONT TRUST HIM WITH HER...bad news written all over it. (also she might be trying to get him back) even if he has never given you a reason to not trust him. :) hope everything works out
2007-10-31 16:27:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I've heard of other women? The answer is a positive NO> when a woman gives this advice to other women then it is something to listen to.
I have heard this come from many women to other women often enough to repeat it.
Otherwise I would not dare to advise a woman on relationships.
2007-10-31 16:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by the old dog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋