My boyfriend proposed three weeks ago. Before we were engaged, we were talking about getting married in summer 2008 and all the sweet ideas towards marriage.
However, after the engagement, when our discussion topic relates to getting married, he totally panicked. And he told me that he's scared to get married and does not want to get married soon. He also hesitates to tell his parents/friends that he proposed. He said he's shy.
His reluctance of marrying me soon and not telling his friends/family that we are engaged made me questioning myself that whether he really loves me and wants to marry me.
Now, both of us are afraid to touch the "getting married" topic. It creates so much stress between us when we talk about it. And whenever we talk about it, we have no conclusion whatsoever.
Is it wise to ask him to propose when he's ready to get married? Should I cancel my engagement or should I wait?
2007-10-31 15:57:22 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Did you pressure him to propose or he did it of his own will. He sounds like he's having cold feet which is normal. Give him a wide birth, let him get used to the idea and don't change your attitude simply because you are engaged. In time he will be comfortable with the whole issue of engagement and marriage.
Congratulations on your engagement.
2007-10-31 16:02:47 · answer #1 · answered by nadia g 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
If he's unsure and not ready to commit to being a husband, then it just shouldn't happen. It's best to say "lets not" right now as opposed to sitting in front of divorce lawyers a year down the line.
First of all why did he propose? I'm assuming it's because you might have pressured him??? Maybe? Otherwise, I don't understand why he would ask and not be ready. It's very backwards.
All of this hesistancy, stress, and panicking does not make a good marriage much less relationship.
It may not be a question of if he loves you. It might just be him not being ready to make such a big commitment.
I would not continue this engagement because it is not honest or true and end the end it may cause a lot more stress and possibly feelings that could destroy your relationship entirely.
Should you wait? Wait for what? Nothing is going to change overnight. Waiting for him would just increase the pressure and stress he is feeling right now. It's like prolonging the agony.
Just let it go for now.
2007-10-31 16:06:37 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriages have a much better chance of staying together if the couple has been engaged for at least a year. However, I'm not sure why your boyfriend proposed if he's not ready to get married. I don't think I'd call it off, just give it some time. And its never too early to start pre-marital counseling. You don't have to have a wedding date set to go, and it will help clear up the issues between you and make him more comfortable with the idea. Good luck!
2007-10-31 16:06:49 · answer #3 · answered by Kirsten 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand being scared of getting married.
Weddings can be put off indefinely. Engagements can last forever.
However - if he has asked you to marry him .. and you & he are officially engaged .. and he does not want anyone to know that he has propsed to you, that you accepted, and you both are engaged .. then I would have to know from him .. "what's up"??
I could tell you to "back-off" from talking about making any wedding plans until he brings it up .. this would give him the opportunity to get use to the wedding & marriage idea. This idea truly scared some people a lot. However - if he did not want anyone to know about the engagement .. then WHY be engaged?
For awhile, don't bring up the subject at all. Just don't talk about it. If he brings up the subject .. "you" be the one NOT to talk about it. Then .. one day .. when you 2 are all alone .. and he is in the right mood .. just "out of the blue" - ask him if he would like to cancel the engagement until a later date? Explain to him that you & he does not have to get married for a very long time .. but! when most people get engaged, they are very happy about it, and they tell everyone .. and they are even giddy about doing it. Tell him that he seems to be hiding your engagement .. and this makes you feel awful. To be truthful - this could do a lot of damage to a person's self esteem. Tell him, that you need answers. This engagement takes 2 people.
If he does not treat you well with this encounter -- you might want to reconsider .. and think of this as a 'red-flag' of things to come in the future. It seems that you do not have his attention. Get it.
This is your decision. And I know it is a hard one .. but this should be a time in your life when glorious memories are being made .. not memories of hiding you, frustration, etc. These memories are the ones which last your whole life through.
Don't allow him to hide you. There are others who would be so proud to present you to the whole world.
Just know, the decisions you put into your life .. determines your life.
2007-10-31 17:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I have three alternatives.
1) If your boyfriend's friends and family aren't exactly comfortable with you dating him, or don't like you for whatever reason. He may be reluctant to tell them because he feels that they might get irritated with him,and he may want to avoid that.
2) If you two haven't been dating for that long, after he proposed to you he may have regretted it. Its not that he doesn't love you, it just may be that he doesn't feel ready to rush into that type of a commitment. You may need to discuss the topic, and tell him that if he feels that you guys are rushing into it to call of the engagement. This would also explain why he hasn't told his friends because he feels that by telling them it would make it all the more harder if the wedding didn't take place.
3) He's a complete idiot.
Which one do you like best. : )
2007-10-31 16:07:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready to get married and you shouldn't be engaged. Being engaged means that you're ready to get married, plan a wedding and your married life and take that step. It sounds like he proposed because he felt it was just time, but he isn't ready to take those steps. You're supposed to be getting ready to get married but neither of you want to talk about it so break off the engagement. There's no point in being engaged if he's not ready. He probably didn't mind talking about it before you were engaged because it wasn't as official as it is when you're engaged. Look at it this way, at least he was honest with you. When my fiance and I got engaged we called everyone and told them. We are so happy and excited to get married! We both know we're ready and talk about it all the time. If your fiance isn't ready then there's not much you can do but you should tell him that if he's not ready then you can't be engaged.
2007-11-01 01:15:04 · answer #6 · answered by Rockit 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are no longer any sparkling solutions to this question. if your ex sells the abode in the previous he's lived in it for 2 years, he will could pay capitol features taxes. If all have been trouble-free, he'd reimburse you the excellent $50K, yet if you consider which you have lived in the abode for practically a year, he needs to reimburse you for all expenses different than loan money (evaluate those money lease), and flow into the abode for 2 years (it should be his customary place of residing for 2 years in the previous he can sell it without capitol features taxes). He might could tackle a room mate or 2 to be waiting to make the money, however the home is his. He might sue you yet i do no longer think of he'd be waiting to win any in good shape. while it comes all the way down to it, he could have found out back in November that he replaced into paying for a house for greater perfect or worse. An engagement isn't a legally binding contract presently. next time, wait until eventually you genuinely get married in the previous paying for the abode.
2016-10-03 01:50:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, easy. his proposal was a false start and he has taken it back for all intents and purposes. there is no conclusion because it is obvious that once he 'asked ' you it crystallized the idea for him and it made him realize for certain he does not want this. this is very good news for you because you can be sure that this is what he is thinking. at least he is being honest with you. so you can choose if this is what you want, endless dating with him with no commitment and no announcement to his family about you, this is all you may ever have. however, you sound pretty level headed, so, it is better to act with complete dignity and grace and yes, cancel this half hearted engagement as if it never happened, and, put some distance between you, you will come out of this with your dignity intact. and you deserve that,
he is not really shy, just not ready to take this adult step. i dont know him or you but you are so wise to ask this question. my strong advice is to just tell him you are taking a step back and then, please, dont mention marriage again. but also, do not go steady with him either. go out with your girlfriends and date other guys. he is giving it to you straight up, he does not want to get married. you are free and better things are ahead for you. but staying with a guy after he has said this is soul killing. it will eat away at your pride and your happiness, and before long you will be having fights and you wont recognize how sad you have become. so, if it is possible, dont date him anymore like a steady boyfriend, that is what the price is for being 'scared', and you come out the winner, instead of being the rejected one, i know someone who had this exact thing happen to her. she did not let go of him and it led to them having ugly fights over this. he dumped her finally and she had not one bit of her confidence or dignity left at that point. she still says it was not losing him, it was losing her self respect that still bothers her.
2007-10-31 17:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can understand your dilemma. A person who is not decisive about his relationship, a person who is not assertive enough to announce his engagement to the world, will certainly evoke these feelings in his partner's mind.
But at the same time spare a few minutes to reflect on his reasons for this sort of vacillating behavior on his part. If you feel that the reasons are flimsy and not worthy enough, then I feel you can decide to wait for some more time.
It is always better to wait and evaluate before entering into this type of commitment in hurry and repent later. Be cool headed and then decide. Do not be emotional. Marriage is a long time commitment.
Good luck!
2007-10-31 16:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about it. Even though he doesn't like talking about it, the fact is that he proposed to you and you need your questions answered so you know what your future together holds. Ask him why he is so hesitate to share the good news with his family and friends and if he is sure he is ready to make such a big commitment? Let him know that it's alright if he wants to wait on the wedding but you need to know. He needs to get down to the real reason he is scared to get married and everything.
2007-10-31 16:02:56 · answer #10 · answered by Madison 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this is the man you would like to marry then you cannot be scared of talking to him about anything, sit down with him and say to him that you understand he is scared, but that you need to talk about it and if he refuses then say to him that you think he is not serious and call off the engagement. If you cannot even talk to this man then you probably should not marry him just yet.
2007-11-01 00:46:31 · answer #11 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋