Physically Spazzing on Manipulating Boyfriend Who Wouldnt Leave Me Alone?

Question

How is one to behave when they have had enough? When you get to that point where you realize just how far someone has pushed you outside of your personality and sound mind? When a female becomes pregnant twice, afraid, neglected, miscarries, has numerous surgical removals of he child, and is made to feel like her sorrow is ridiculous and she should get over it and want to go for a walk in the park the day after her losses…how is that female to carry that? When she moves hours away from her element in attempts to secure her relationship after being made to feel like she made things worse by being so far away, how does she rebuild? When she becomes suspicious and her gut tells her that he’s cheating on her while he insists that he’s being faithful, how does she clear the fog in her head? When she starts seeing more obvious signs of infidelity and confronts him, only for him to make her feel as though she’s insecure, paranoid, and should see a shrink, how does she confirm her sanity? When she wants to leave because she feels herself slipping, but is unable because she doesn’t have the money to, and has to allow him to come and go as he pleases, how does she maintain her former sense of independence? When she starts to break down inside because she cant understand how anyone could be so cruel to her, how can she avoid accepting that she may have to deal with this until she is financially stable? When her overwhelming grief and loneliness over losses of children, complete alienation by he who says he cares for her, and knowledge that she allowed this to ruin her pathway to a PhD, how can she stay calm?

How is one to behave when the moment comes in which her every suspicion is finally confirmed? When you realize that you were no more than a house pet to use at his convenience for years…When he blames you for his cheating and disrespect… When you register that this mind warping has gone on for this long and he took advantage of all you could possibly do for him…when you realize that from all surgeries your chances of conceiving with someone who could truly love you have been shot..when you feel like you gave and gave and he took advantage of all things I hold dear…after it all, you ask him to get away from you and quit hurting and he still wont leave…when it all ends in a physical struggle because youre thinking about everything you’ve lost, but still holding on to a shred of dignity in knowing im still alive through all of this…when he throws you across the room when you insist that he leaves and you retaliate in defense of your physical pain and everything he’s put you thru…when youre at work the next day bruised, limping, and in shock that it actually led to something like this…

Why is it that I still feel like everything is my fault and that it was wrong to finally fight back? All the lying, the cheating, the alienation for so long….allowing me to feel crazy and cry to sleep at night because he wont go away, but he can never love me or what was to be my children…I feel like I should be the one to apologize, but I know I didn’t do anything wrong outside of that last aggressive incident…

And how can someone tear another down for so long if they can never love them anyway?

I know I sound pathetic to have let this happen…but I still feel like I did something wrong in hitting him.

Answer 1

Frist off you know why no one answered you but good old Brutal Honesty? BECUASE most people are doing the same thing! You know how you feel like YOU failed? YOU DID!!!!!! GREATLY!!!!!! You actually spent the whole darn thing explaining to me (because I can see how relationships actually work) how you FAILED YOURSELF!!!!!! Thats right, man you hate yourself, no offense, your anger at you for something, not being pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, somethings allowing you to kick your own butt so that you were willing to tolerate this behavior. Also yes the big fight was wrong becuase that propietates you loving him. Which your not going to understand because you don't understand the true nature of love. You thought love was enough, this is the lesson you need to learn"

LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH, NEVER, NEVER EVER!!!!! ITS HOW YOU LOVE, HOW, H O W!!!!!! THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!

You see how that works, you based your entire relaitonship with the assumption that love would help you thru it. What you didn't see is that he didn't have any intentions of changing HOW he loves you, he was contempt in abusing you and neglecting you, becuase YOU ARE THE SAME WAY TO YOURSELF!!!! He took advantage of your weakness of self, weather he realized that or not isn't the points, so people get these skills from their parents. All that aside you think to much to justify your own self neglect in attemps to keep this guy around. Shoot I have an extra room in southeast oklahoma I could keep you up in until you figure this crap out, but lets not go there. The point is THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT!!!!!! YOU KEPT YOURSELF FROM SEEING A WAY OUT!!!!! So this is all your fault I can't say that enough, you won't see that for sometime, the cool thing is thou, your smart enough to feel it. So ether you CUT him out of your life, or your still loving him, your stilling failing you, and that makes it your fault. Which means this whole hell you've lived with, is your fault because you picked him, sorry that would be your frist step in recovery.

Sorry but true love, true friendship is about understanding a person enough to know when to brow-beat them, and when to give them a great big hug. This guy, you should of know to leave. So I'm going to brow-beat you, if you do, man I got a hug for you!

Answer 2

That's a real worry. You need to let your friends know and see if you can go somewhere else. I know NZ is projected as a very safe place overseas but, (as a NZer) it's no safer than anywhere else, and you should be very careful. Don't let it stop you from enjoying yourself, but make sure people know what's happened and that you stay with your friends and keep safe. Peace!