IF you watched Dr. Phil today, I saw myself in that couple. I can have a firey personality, being aggressive and not backing down in an argument. The day my ex got physical and dragged me across the floor was the day I fired a report with the police department, and he said, "it's over." I texted him(1 wk later) saying, "You attacked me over a piece of candy?" (i threw it in his direction before he dragged me), "Its like your *** just snapped. Its deeper than just being about me. It always has been." then i said "You broke my heart, Ill never date again." Looking back I can see how I can provoke someone, but thats never an excuse to put ur hands on anybody. He needs anger managment, I need counseling.
SHould I write him a letter suggesting anger management and that I was as wrong as he was? My only fear is that he's mad I went to the police AND I destroyed his room after the dragging incident.
2007-10-31 13:39:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would say he is probably pissed off. You could try but be prepared to get either reaction. You did provoke him into a situation that made him catch a case.
Start the counseling first and then maybe approach him with the counseling under your belt. It is much more sincere. Also when apologizing. Apologize for what you did. Period. Don't bring what he did into it. You are apologizing for your actions. let it just be that. Don't try to shame him in forgiving you because he "also" was wrong. It might just piss him off again. That is the perfect show of maturity. To accept our wrongs and be willing to own up to them without pointing out the faults of everybody else (atleast at that time)
Not saying you have to act like he didn't do anything forever but don't cloud your apology with blame and finger pointing. Fingerpoint the next day or suggest that he join counseling with you.
As a word of advice, men who snap tend to do it more than once. Be careful with this guy especially if you know you like to push his buttons. Even if he did keep it under control, provoking him would just make it start all over again.
-Concerned Black Man
2007-10-31 13:50:10 · answer #1 · answered by Magnus01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with them - don't contact him! Don't write him a letter telling him he needs anger management because he will get defensive and angry and possibly violent towards you again. And even if you feel you were wrong or at fault, don't let him get that idea because then he'll feel like he has all the power and can treat you however he wants. Seek counseling on your own if that's what you want, but don't have anything to do with him while you sort things out with yourself. He may be mad that you reported to the police, but so what? What he did to you was uncalled for no matter what you think you did to provoke it. Let him stew on his own, but don't add any fuel to the fire, or don't try to "help" him - he's the only one who can change himself!
2007-10-31 14:05:39 · answer #2 · answered by nightmare hippie girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's an idiot. YOU dumped him, and then HE emails you saying "f off, and don't talk to me again"! Is he stupid? That's what you were doing! He emailed you one last time to belittle you to make you want to prove him wrong. Maybe thats why you stayed with him so long. Maybe he called you dumb, and you decided to stay with him to prove that you weren't dumb. (or maybe he belittled you in some other ways, and you wanted to prove him wrong) Don't take people's garbage. You know why he resorted to belittling you? Because he has nothing interesting about his personality, so he relies on being a prick. Because unfortunately, some girls are attracted to Jerks. But he will never find someone to fall in love with. He will always be alone, because no sane human being could love a person like him. You did the right thing.
2016-05-26 05:34:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you 2 are a very bad combination...... Yes you can love each other (although I can't understand ppl who claim to "love" someone yet they mistreat and abuse them), and you can both go to counseling but it doesn't look like this is going to improve anytime soon. You're right and no matter how badly you can "provoke" someone it never justifies physical violence. Don't feel like it was "your fault" -- although you did do something wrong you shouldn't feel like you have to apologize for anything or be the one to try to patch things up. In fact I guess you should stop pursuing any relationship with this man because it doesn't sound like it's gonna have a happy ending..... if I were you I'd just leave it alone and save myself further episodes like this. Good luck.
2007-10-31 14:04:58 · answer #4 · answered by Lprod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he has probably already had anger management suggested to him. To me it sounds like a poor excuse to talk to him. If you do contact him it's because you are being a weak woman. Who cares that he is mad you went to the police??? What are you thinking? Gosh I hope I don't see you on Dr. Phil a few years later talking about your abusive relationship and now you have kids on each hip....
2007-10-31 13:52:41 · answer #5 · answered by loseit 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No woman deserves to be abused in any way, I think its best if you just ignore him and leave him alone. One day he'll realize what a mistake he made, and the next girl is going to be un-lucky, I feel sorry for you and the next girl and the next. I've been there, done it all, I am stronger and wiser now. Just let it be, get over it, but NEVER EVER let a man or anyone for all that matters, hurt you in any way... I WOMANS worth is her STRENGHT and INDEPENDENCE!!
2007-10-31 13:49:08 · answer #6 · answered by pebbleish 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are out of your mind if want to contact an abusive ex-boyfriend. He will feel as though it is normal behavior and will repeat the offense. Have a little self respect there girl. There are many many men out there that won't abuse in any way. Don't lower yourself. Even if provoked, there is NO reason to abuse women. EVER.
2007-10-31 13:57:07 · answer #7 · answered by Don S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i see that u still like him. but if i were u i will ignore somebody u physically abuses me. don't feel guilty that he dragged you on floor just because u provoked him
he is rude. ignore him
edit- added later
if u write a letter he will get more pissed off.
2007-10-31 13:49:06 · answer #8 · answered by snigdha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it would be therapeutic to you to write a letter, then do so. I wouldn't actually send it. If it was me, I'd pour my heart out into a letter then burn it. It would be my way of releasing the feelings I'd been holding on to, without risking any further danger to myself.
2007-10-31 13:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by Erin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol what is wrong with these women these dayz? I know if somebody dragged me across a room and beat me I wouldn't want anything to do with them. Oh I for got, its love.
2007-10-31 13:45:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋